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Cowhard Quits !! Let us Rejoice & be Glad…!!

January 13, 2007 by Still Mill

Cowher quits!!

Cowhard Quits !!�� Let us Rejoice & be glad�!!


Our prayers have been answered!!�� Billy Cowher, in typical fashion, quit!!�� He�s gone!!�� Outa here!�� Sayanara!!�� C-ya bye bye!!��


Sing along, everybody!��� "Billy Cowhard is gone, Billy Cowhard is gone!Let us be glad and rejoice!!�� Billy Cowhard is gone, Billy Cowhard is gone!�� Let us rejoice and be glad!"


In reality, of course, the blowhard quit months ago, way back in March.He moved his home and family out of Pittsburgh, to Carolina, and for all intents and purposes, Cowhard�s entire mindset, focus, attention to detail, and decision making process � all of which was never that good anyway � went straight out the window.He literally MAILED it in during the 2006 season, with a complete lack of interest, hustle, gusto, and attention to detail.It's a disgrace that Cowhard collected his paycheck during a season where he essentially quit SIX months before the season began.Contrast this with NCAA coaching legend Bobby Knight, who, after a 16-11 season in 2003, told the TX Tech administration to keep his entire $250K salary because he didn't feel he'd earned it.Imagine a smug, underachieving, pompous ass like Bilbo Cowher having the gumption and courage to do something like Knight.Cowhard collected $4M+ during this grossly underachieving season, and by all means, he ought to refund about $3.9M of it back to the Rooney family.You have to be a complete loser, and a selfish lout, to collect a salary while DOGGING it the entire season.�� is proud to have been the very first, and the most vocal, critic of Billy Cowher.We exposed this man as a fraud in March 1998, when the pompous ass had the gaul to threaten to jump ship to CLEVELAND -- which didn't even have a team at the time -- if he wasn't lavished with a new contract.We here at have dogged this selfish loser ever since.


Of course, we've heard all sorts quibbling and rationalization from the CAA (Cowher Apologists Association), blaming this season's gross failures on everything from global warming to the mating habits of the South African spotted owl.�� It's all complete, unadulterated bullshit.�� Billy Cowher, and Billy Cowher alone, ruined this season with dumbassed decision after dumbassed decision, all the while displaying little more gusto and enthusiasm than the average librarian.Let's quickly review the 2006 season:


In the offseason, the Stillers lost ONE, and only ONE, key starter -- Antwan Randle El.�� But the front office literally went overboard to replace El, drafting Tonio Holmes in round 1 and highly touted Willie Reid -- who gave Penn St. absolute fits in the kick return phase of the 2006 Orange Bowl -- in Round 3.�� So, not one, but two fleet receivers and 2 capable kick returners were added.Cowhard was so grateful for these draftees, that he rotted both as receivers, and then, inexplicably, rotted both as returners, instead going with Dicardo Colclough, the man that couldn't catch a cold even if he were stranded, stark naked, in Siberia for 6 solid months.Coclough would go on to muff and fumble more balls than a female porn star, including a horrific turnover in week 3 versus Cinci that stole defeat from victory.


There was opening night versus Miami, in which (as you read in my postgame analysis of the Miami game) the Stillers spent the entire evening slipping and sliding like a hockey player wearing Armani dress shoes in lieu of skates.The Dolphs, meanwhile, had very, very few slips.Alas, in the next day's PG, Ted Bouchette makes note of Billy Cowher�s comments about this problem, as follows: 

The Steelers looked as if they were playing on Chiquita Field rather than Heinz Field Thursday night because players slipped so often.

Cowher noticed that and the fact that the Miami Dolphins did not seem to have that kind of trouble with their footing, and he talked to his players about it.

"I brought it to their attention," Cowher said. "Hopefully, it will be something that will be rectified in the future."

In other words, he wants his players to wear the proper shoes with cleats of an appropriate length for the field conditions.

You just had to love Cowhard�s take-charge mentality.�I brought it to their attention�, says the blowhard.�� Sure, he brought it to their attention�.and then sat fallow and watched, for 4 quarters, as player after player slipped and slid like a toddler in the mud.


There was no rain during the game, meaning the field wasn�t in any worse shape during the game than it was in pre-game.As such, Cowhard, the dufus, should have, along with his TEN MAN coaching staff, seen the slipping and sliding in pre-game warm-ups, and then taken immediate action.And remember, this is Cowhard�s HOME field, and this field is a well known atrocity that is notorious for poor footing.��


�Hopefully, it will be something that will be rectified in the future,� says Billy.Hopefully, my ass !!�� It dadgum better get rectified, right now, ASAP!�� And should a player show up to pre-game with any cleats less than satisfactory for the surface being played upon, it�s entirely incumbent upon the mega millionaire, Billy Cowhard, and his staff to pull the player aside and send his ass over to the equipment manager to either swap-out screw-in cleats, or change shoes entirely if wearing molded cleats.�� Anything less than this is pure dereliction of duty.


Billy Cowher -- when it comes to attention to detail and taking immediate action to fix simple problems, no one else does less.



Yep, it was that kind of attention to detail that highlighted the 2006 Steelers.A few weeks into the season, a Stiller player committed a dumbassed 15-yard penalty, and Cowhard proclaimed after the game that it would not happen again.Ha ha !!It happened at least 4 more times.�� Stupid-assed celebration penalties, moronic taunting, and other silly shit, and all the while, the $4M Fraud stood and watched, and DID NOTHING.


There was the week 2 debacle at Jax.Backup Charlie Batch had performed superbly in the Week 1 win over Miami.�� Panicking over not having his newfound security blanket in Ben Roethlisberger, Cowhard panicked and hastily inserted the still recovering BenRoth into the starting lineup.�� The results were abysmal, and the Stillers lost a very critical conference game.


Cowhard repeated this asininity a few weeks later, hastily shoving BenRoth -- who'd suffered a concussion the week prior -- into the starting lineup against Oakland.Batch had come on in relief and played decently in the Atlanta game, completing 8 of 13 for 195 yards and 2 TDs.But Billy Cowhard, clutching to his pacifier like the juvenile thinker that he is, insisted on starting Benji, even though Benji was surely still a bit shaken and weak-kneed from the concussion.�� Roth had a horrendous game, and the Stillers lost what should have been an EASY game against the lowly Raiders.�� The idiot puts the blame on Ben Roth for the loss; the savvy, a stute analyst correctly puts the blame squarely where it belongs -- on the thick, fat skull of Billy Cowher.


Then there was the Saturday before the first Cleveland game (played on Nov. 19th).You'll recall that the Stillers barely pulled out this game in the 4Q.The day prior, Cowhard spent the day, where?At the Princeton-Dartmouth Ivy League Championship game.That's right.A reader's son was there to see Cowhard receive the halftime honor of a practice field named for Coach Cowher.Instead of focusing on the hated Browns -- for which Cowhard was paid handsomely -- the blowhard was off at an Ivy League game.��


You'll hear blather about how "Cowher won Sup Bowl 40".�� He didn't win anything.Fact is, the Stillers won SB 40 in spite of Billy Cowher, not because of Billy Cowher.The man grossly lucked into a win in the Wild Card game, when the opponent's star QB and star WR both were injured on the 2nd play of the game -- a play that netted an easy 60-plus yards.The team had a good effort versus Indy, and barely escaped a horrific loss when Cowhar'd favorite pacifier foolishly coughed up the football near the Indy goal line late in regulation.�� Plsu. The Indy kicker missed a very makeable FG late in the game as well.�� The AFCC was simply Jack Bummer turning the ball over more than Cliff Stoudt at his worst.The Sup Bowl "win" was less of a win and more of the Seahawks inept bumbling, combined with a series of horrific officiating mistakes that Cowhard benefited from enormously.



Let's review Billy Cowher's rich, glorious successes since calendar year 1998:


-In January '98, he nearly pulled off one of the greatest choke jobs in NFL history, eeking out a weak, totally uninspiring 7-6 win at home over a weak New England team (coached by Pete Carroll) that, mediocre talent aside, was so injury-riddled that the city of Pittsburgh had 4 ambulances, a medevac chopper, and 5 doctors on the Pats' sideline during the contest.A week later, again at home, Cowher had his ass handed to him by Mike Shanahan and the Doncos, a scant 5 weeks after having beaten these same Doncos.


-You'd think the embarrassment of another playoff stench-o-roo would have caused Bilbo Cowher to go into hiding.For most coaches, it would have, but not for an egotistical, megalomaniac like Bilbo Cowher.Within 6 weeks of the Denver debacle, while still under contract, Cowher demanded that the Stillers re-do his contract, lest he was jumping ship to Cleveland, a city that did not even have an active NFL franchise.Unbelievably, rather than calling Cowher's bluff, Rooney caved in and lavished Bilbo Cowher with a mega-million dollar contract, the highest at the time in the NFL for a non-Super Bowl winning coach.


-Armed with a mega-million dollar contract, all Billy Cowher did was go out and have a splendid 7-9 season.


-Not content with how well he did in 1998, Billy Cowher went out in '99 and did himself one better, finishing at 6-10.


-Bilbo finished a slightly-improved 9-7 in 2000, but obviously not good enough for the playoffs. He was then awarded for this splendid bit of coaching with a 3-year extension.


This time, The Rooney's didn't fall for Cowhard's extortion ploy.They�ve fully seen through his fa�ade and realize what a blowhard, and what a farce, the man truly is.


And so we proclaim again, BYE BYE, BILLY !!��� See ya later!!�� Good riddance !!���� Sing along, everybody!��� "Billy Cowhard is gone, Billy Cowhard is gone!Let us be glad and rejoice!!�� Billy Cowhard is gone, Billy Cowhard is gone!�� Let us rejoice and be glad!"


(Still Mill and -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close�.)


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