Stillers-Dolphins Postgame Analysis and Grades

Stillers 30, Miami 24 ���. Jan 3, 2010 ����Game #16

 

Stillers-Dolphins Postgame Analysis and Grades

 

The Stillers slopped their way thru yet another game, and eked out yet another uninspiring win overly the mediocre Fish.�� It was all for naught, of course, as the Ratbirds staved off the hapless Raiders, the same woeful team that Stillers were unable to beat a few weeks ago.� Thus, the Stillers finished 9-7 and will be golfing and loafing while the NFL playoffs start next weekend.�

 

Grades:

 

QB:� A microcosm of the season.� Ben showed flashes of poise and solid QBing, along with a host of boners and feeble-assed tentativeness.�

 

Ben went 18 of 27 for 22 yards, 3 TDs, and 0 INTs, which in and of itself, is a solid day.�� However, the boners were many:

 

��- 1st series, waited forever, with an eternity in the pocket, and took a sack on 1st down instead of a TA

��- With Wally wide open on a deep route, Ben, for the 18th time this season, waited too long to fling the ball, and Wally had to camp underneath the ball

��- in the 2Q, he held the ball forever and was stripped, which Essex recovered.� The play was ruled an inc., but could have been disastrous.

� - on the TD pass to Miller, Ben could have walked in for the TD, yet chose to pass it and force Miller to make an acrobatic grab for the TD

� - again holding the ball forever, Ben was stripped in the 4Q and gave the ball to Miami on the PIT 13.��

 

The late fumble was a case of really stupid, no-brained football.�� It�s the 4Q, and you�re at your own 20.�� You have the lead.�� The last thing you want to do is RISK a dumbassed turnover, which is precisely what Dumblisberger did.�� ���C+�

 

RB:� Mendy gained 94 yards on 20 carries; a nice day at the office.�� He tore the game open when he ripped off a 36-yard run midway thru the 3Q off a good, intelligent cutback.� He also had a good RAC on a 26-yard screen in the 2Q.�� The major downer was his clumsy footwork on a pass in the 4Q, in which he slipped and allowed his feet to go OOB on what could (should) have been a TD reception. ���Parker saw a goodly amount of work late in the 4Q, with the team needing to chew the clock.� He responded superbly, gaining 7, 4, and 4, and then ripping off a 15-yarder and then a 34-yarder to seal the deal.���� Moore played sparingly and had 1 grab for 8 yards.� He finished the season with 21 grabs, which is half of what he caught last season.� Go figure.����� A

 

FB: Rarely used.��� N/A

 

WR:� Hines fought thru 2 bad hammys and led the way with 8 grabs for 61, including a few clutch grabs in the 4Q.� He had a nice RAC on a 3d & 5 shovel pass in the 3Q.� His needless holding penalty negated Parker�s TD run in the 4Q.�

 

Wally had the long bomb for a TD, and made a superb pluck-catch on 3d & 7 on the 1st drive that netted 10 yards.�

 

Holmes snagged an easy TD grab in the 1Q, his only grab of the day, which was odd, given the 27 passes plus numerous other pass plays that were aborted.� Holmes threw an INT into double-coverage on a dumbassed gimmick play in the 4Q.������ A

 

TE:� Miller had 5 grabs for 56 yards and a brilliant TD catch in the very back of the EZ.�� He also snared a flag pass for 37 yards in the 1Q.� Spaeth, as usual, did nothing.� He failed miserably to even occupy his man on a simple block on a Mendy run in the 1Q, which produced a 2-yard gain when it should have gone for 8 or 9 yards.�� Spaeth finished the season with (hold your laughter) a grand total of 5 receptions for 25 yards.���� Miller:� A���� Spaeth:� C-

 

OL: The line opened up some nice fissures in the ground game, with Mendy/Parker combining for 185 yards on 32 carries.�

 

Foster, for the most part, had a solid game.�� He had a very good drive block on a Mendy�s 12 yard run in the opening series.� He also had a good block on Mendy�s 6-yard run in the 2nd series.�

 

Hartwig continued to struggle.� He tripped over the RG and got shoved onto his back on a 2d & G pass play in the 1Q.� He had a poor block, with his man stripping Ben of the ball on the play that was ruled inc. in the 2Q. ��He did have a good block on Mendy�s 26-yard screen.�

 

Colon had 2 holding flags in the 3Q.�� Starks had a terribly lazy block on Randy Starks, who then ransacked Ben in the 4Q.� Very lazy, and very poor.������

 

Most of the pressure and sacks were the result of Ben clutching and holding the ball like a toddler.��� B�

 

DL:� Keisel did not dress, which put more pressure on the remaining crew.��

 

On the very first Dolphin play from scrimmage, Dicky Williams ran a basic plunge right up the gut.� Fat Casey Hampton was SOLO blocked -- not double or triple teamed the way the Pittsburgh media would have you believe he is on every single play -- and was easily manhandled, allowing Dicky to saunter for a 16-yard gainer.�� Early in the 2Q, on a run up RT, Fat Casey was buried on the 5-yard gainer.��

 

For no apparent reason, Kirschke saw a ton of PT.�� He flubbed a CAKE-EASY fumble recovery in the 2Q, showing all the coordination and athleticism of a donkey.� He then clumsily whiffed on a sack of Thigpen in the 4Q.�

 

Eason had a big stuff on the 1st play after Ben�s 4Q fumble, good for a 3-yard loss.�� His dumbassed prancing afterwards was foolish, however.� ��Hoke played some.��

 

Hood, who seemed to have a breakout game last week, saw only marginal PT.�� ���B�

 

LB:� Another subpar day at the office from this crew.�

 

Farrior had a wretched game.�� Utterly wretched and laced with vomit.�

 

�� - on a 3d & 6 in the 1Q, Taunto got abused by Hartline on a simple in-route, good for 10 yards

 

�� - 2 plays later, Taunto had a weak-assed flail n� whiff on a Hilliard run, which gained 9�

 

�� - in the 4Q, Taunto had coverage on the TE, Fasano, on a short, routine middle-dump, and as has happened at least 17 times this season, Taunto was left with his dick in the dirt while Fasano scooted away en route to a 27-yard gain.��

 

Harrison again was quiet.� He had a meager 2 solos and 1 assist, and did little.� He failed to haul down Thigpen in the pocket on the final Dolphin TD.�� He also got sucked in and lost contain on the earlier reverse for a TD. ���His lone good play came in the 2Q, where he fought off a block and stuffed a run for -3.��

 

Big LaMarr had 2 solos, both coming on Dong Sacks in the 1H.� He was SOLO blocked by a RB, Lex Hilliard, a man who gives up 40 pounds to LaMarr, on the first sack.� A few plays later, he beat weak-assed former Notre Damer Tony Fasano, a TE, for another sack.�� Neither play really impressed me.�� Big LaMarr was far too slow and plodding on a simple out pass to Hilliard that produced an 11-yard TD in the 1Q.�

 

Leading the D in tackles was Larry Timmons, who had a strong game.�� He defended a pass early in the 2Q.� He delivered a big hit on Dicky, probably unnoticed by most, at the end of the screen play later in the 2Q.� In the 3Q, Timmons showed his explosiveness when he burst thru the middle and nailed White for a speed-sack.�� He then showed his speed and athleticism when he not only chased down White, but also got an ankle-nip of White, which forced the stumble by White just before he was planted by Taylor along the sideline.�� Taylor�s hit was the easy part of that play; the far more difficult part was chasing and nipping White.�� Timmons did slip on a 3d & 7 in the 2Q, which resulted in a 14-yard gain, and was also flagged for a hold.���

 

Fox got virtually no PT at all on defense.�� He played too well early in the season to warrant any playing time.����

 

Timmons:� A���� Wood and Harrison:�� C���� Farrior:�� D�

 

DB:� Another shoddy day, despite the rare INTs.�

 

Gay had a rare pass defensed in the EZ in the 2Q, although the ball was woefully thrown behind the WR.��

 

Town had an INT on a nice play off a bad pass, but then foolishly got abused deep by Bess for a TD in the 4Q.� WTF was this veteran thinking ??�

 

Clark was far too slow on the deep out to Bess for 21 yards on 3d & 13 in the 2Q.�� He got trucked by Hilliard in hilarious fashion on a 9-yard run in the 1Q.� He laid a big hit on Dicky on a 0-step hitch in the 3Q, which, if played more adroitly, could have been picked off.�� Clark had the rarest of rarities, an INT by a Steeler Free Safety !!��� Stop the presses!!�

 

Ike delivered the big hit on Pat White, which knocked Whitey out of the game.�� As noted above, it was a fluke hit, as White was nipped by Timmons just before Ike�s tackle.�� Ike also had a rare INT.�

 

Mundy was far too soft on a 13-yard out in the 2Q.�� ��Overall, facing a 2nd and then a 3rd stringer, in addition to a mediocre starter, the secondary was entirely too average.��� B-

 

Spec teams:� A rare day of adequacy.���

 

Logan had a big day in the return department, both on KOs and punts.��� He fully appears to be growing in confidence and awareness.�� He had a 39-yard KO return, and a 22-yard punt return in which he sped across the entire field.�� He also had a solo in KO coverage.��

 

Boiman had a good stop in KO cover in the 3Q.�� �Reed had a RARE touchback, and booted 3 FGs.��

 

With the team desperate for a booming punt in the 4Q, Sepulveda got off a mediocre 41-yard punt.��� Not impressed.�� �����B+�

 

OC:� Arians had a typical day at the office�.a lot of fluff and stats, but lots of shit and slop.��

 

On the very first play from scrimmage (a play that is typically practiced 15+ times prior to the game), Arians call for an elaborate, grab-ass WR screen�.which netted all of ONE yard.��

 

Throughout the game, well inside the opposing 10-yard line, Arians showed this bizarre fetish for high-risk, piss-ant lil� passes to a FOREST of players in the middle of the field.�� Such as --

 

�� - 2d & G on the 4, slant to Holmes, nearly INTd by Taylor

 

�� - Next play, slant to Moore, again to the INSIDE, with a forest of defenders, on a play that would have netted all of 2 yards.��

 

�� - 2d & G at the 5, late in the 3Q, a faggotty screen to Miller that gained TWO yards ��

 

Then there was the assaholic gimmick play of having Holmes pass deep to Mendy, which was INT�d.�� The Stillers had just picked a Miami pass, and set up at the Miami 41, were poised to throw dirt in the grave, and Arians calls this buttfucked gimmick pass by Tonio, which asked Tonio to pass from the near hash ALLLL the way to the far hash, a throw that many QBs around the league cannot even make.��� Very brainless.�� ����B-�

 

DC:� Dick was lucky enough to face a mediocre starting QB like Henne.�� His luck then improved when Henne was ruled out for the 2H, forcing greenhorn running-QB Pat White into the starting lineup.�� When White got injured in the 3Q, Dick was then even more fortuitous, getting to FEAST on a 3d stringer, Thigpen, who hadn�t thrown a single pass all year.�� (And Thigpen is really a FOURTH stringer, as Pennington was the Dolphin�s original starter this season, before injury forced Henne into the starting role.)�

 

But sure enough, Dick managed to dick the dog the entire game.�� On 3d & 13 late in the 2Q, Dick softly allowed a 21-yard completion to Bess.�� In the 1H alone, Dick allowed 8 plays of 10+ yards.

 

In the 3Q, facing White, Dick had no contain on a 3d & 6, and White easily scrambled for the 1D.��

 

In the 4Q, with a massive, comfy 17-point lead and facing a THIRD string QB, Dick once again got carved up and shredded.�� He gave up a 9-play, 61-yard TD march, and then a 3-play, 62-yard TD drive to make it a 3-point game.�� Here the Stillers were, up by 17 in the 4Q, playing for their playoff lives, and facing a 3rd string QB, and they had to hold on for their very lives by the skin of their teeth.�� What a pile o� shit.��� It�s high time The Dullard moved on to his life�s work in the rec area of a retirement home.����� D-�

 

HC:� Another slopper of a game for Tomlin.��� Load of penalties.�� Shoddy, softee defense.�� An offense that barfs it up in the red zone.���� Little tenacity, desperation, or ingenuity.�� C+

 

Synopsis:� With the Ratbird win, the Stillers have been eliminated.�� And frankly, for the better.�� The last thing this group of underachieving slackards needed was a back-door entry into the playoffs to serve as a fa�ade for the shit sandwich they�ve delivered all season long.�� No, far better to suffer the scorn and mockery of sitting out the playoffs and have the point of mediocrity forcibly driven home.��� I must say, this has been, by far, one of the very most distasteful Stiller seasons I have ever followed.�� Given the talent, depth, and experience, very, very disappointing.� �Soon enough, we�ll embark on the player and coaching grades, as well as the offseason analysis of what should be done to improve this team in 2010.��

 

 

(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close�.)