The GilDong Report (Game #4, vs. Tenn.)
In light of many a fan being bamboozled and ga-ga over Jason
Gildong's paper statistics the past 5-plus seasons, I've devoted considerable
time the past 4 seasons to monitor the work of the exceptionally average Jason
Gildon.� (Click here to read the 2002 season-in-review
GilDong Report)� Big Jason
has been famous enough with his coverage sacks, flop sacks, the
QB-slipped-on-the-wet-turf sacks, the OT totally forgot his blocking assignment
sacks, and so on, that the NFL designated a new statistic, called the "Dong
Sack�", in honor of Jason Gildong. (Some fantasy football leagues are
incorporating this into their point systems.)�
Again in '03, we'll take time to expose The Flopper, Jason Gildon, for
the fraud that he truly is.
The Heinz Field crowd was treated to a splendid display of
outside linebacking this past Sunday.�
This 'backer had a sack, made a couple huge, game-breaking plays, and
displayed toughness, agility, athleticism, skill, and on-field awareness.� That LB was, of course, Titan OLB Rocky Boiman,
a 2nd-year player who had never even started an NFL contest, and was
playing only because of a 1Q injury to the starter, Peter Sirmon.� Meanwhile, Jason GilDong, known around the
league as Jake GilDong for his penchant for jaking it
with continual loafing, had yet another weak-assed, low-impact effort in the
horrible loss to Tennessee.� Jason The
Gimcrack finished with a feeble 1 solo and no assists, in what was yet another
soft, meek, gutless effort by a player who mans the glory-boy spot in the 3-4
defense.����
�
{Speaking of stats, last year we expanded our "Dong
stats" and will do so for the 2003 season.� In addition to the ever popular, generally accepted dong
principles (GADP, similar to GAAP) of the Dong Sack, we're added a few
more for this season, specifically to aid in the accurate tracking of Jason
GilDong's value (or lack thereof) to the team.�
These new stats are:
- Flailing whiffs.�
Jason, the renown master of the Flop & Flail, has done this
with such frequency and adroitness that this stat is a surefire addition to the
NFL's lexicon.� This stat will include
the infamous Flop & Flail, in which Jason flops to his knees and then
feebly flails, as well as the numerous varieties of Jason's awkward, duckfooted
flails against ballcarriers that are otherwise dead to rights against an NFL
tackler who actually knows something about technique, balance, and
hitting.�
- 1st downs allowed.�
1st downs are the piranhas that eat away at a defense and allow the
offense to chew clock, win field position, and move the ball into scoring
range.� Personally allowing a first down
is an egregious boner that allows the enemy's offense to remain on the field
and forces the defense to stay out longer.
- TDs allowed.�
Obviously, the bottom line in football is the scoreboard, and allowing a
TD is such a bad play that about 12 sacks are required to even come close to
atoning for it.}�
In chrono order, here's a recap of Big Jason's game versus
Tenn:
1.� 1-10-TEN 25 5:37
1Q.� This was the first Titan play from
scrimmage.� At the snap, George takes
the handoff and heads up RG/RT.� Big
Jason is engaged with TE E. Kinney off the snap�.
��� 
�.and as Jakin' Jason did all day, he jaked it
and dogged it.�� He does nothing to
fight off Kinney.� Instead, he just paws
and feels and gropes at Kinney, and meanders about for no reason whatsoever,
other than to "look involved"�..
��� 
�the play ends with George gaining an easy 4 yards, while
Jason gets shoved and toyed with.� What
a great way for the duckfooted "defensive captain" to set the tone on
the first play!
�
���
2.� Two plays later,
on 3d & 9, McNair was flushed left by the interior line.
GilDong, looping waaay around, had a light grab of McNair as he
threw. This was no big deal, but the GAA will claim this was a
heroic, Lawrence Taylor-like play.� It
wasn't.
3.� 1-10-TEN 22 13:47 2Q.�
At the snap, McNair fades back.�
Jason, being so feared and vaunted, is SOLO blocked by the TE, Kinney�
��� 
�Jason does nothing more than
grope and dance with Kinney�.
��� 
�after having all day, McNair
scrambles to his right�.right into the awaiting hands of the fearsome "pro
bowler", Big Jason GilDong�.
��� 
�instead, Jason FLOPS &
FLAILS, whiffing miserably�and ends up on the ground with his dick in the dirt.�
�
The replay angle gives us more
laughter on this play.� McNair scrambles
right into GilDong's area, and instead of sticking his "Riddell" into
McNair's sternum the way you're supposed to, out goes Jason's arm for
his patented Flop n' Flail�.
��� 
�McNair eludes Big Jason as easily
as eluding a pot-bellied traffic cop weighed down by a sack o' donuts�..
��� 
�and Jason once again ends up on
all fours like a downtrodden pumperboy.
�
Aside from Michael Jackson's boyfriend,
no one spends more time on his knees, than does Jason GilDong.� McNair, meanwhile, gained 4 yards on this
play.�
4.� 1-10-PIT 13 8:41 2Q.�
At the snap, Geo took a handoff and headed up RG/RT.� Meanwhile, Jason The Gimcrack was SOLO
blocked by the RT��
��� 
�.Jason gets mauled so badly that
he's getting knocked onto his ASS�..
��� 
�as Eddie George cruises by, here's what
your $6M "pro bowl" linebacker is doing -- he's flat on his back,
with his ass and feet up in the air, imitating an upside-down crab. ��
��� 
Yep, he's a terror on the
gridiron, that Jason GilDong.� He's a
beast.� The Crabber is
just so dominant.� And you can't
criticize The Crabber without knowing his assignment and without
having coach's films.�
5.� 3-13-TEN 25 1:52 2Q.�
McNair, in SG formation, takes the snap, and drops back to pass, while
Jason is SOLO blocked by the RT, Miller�.
��� 
�McNair drops and drops, back,
back, back�..way back to his 15-yard line, a distance of 10 yards back from the
LOS�
��� 
�..finding no one open, McNair
feels the heat of Jason's WLR (wide loop rush), and slowly shuffles ahead.� Jason, who to this point in the game had
expended no more energy than the average cashier at a hot dog stand, made a
nice diving grab at his favorite target: the near-stationary ballcarrier that
has his back facing Big Jason.�
�
� Of course, standing right in
McNair's path was none other than a hungry Kendrell Bell -- the very best
tackler on the team -- so it's not as if McNair was set to dash untouched for
37 yards.� �
��� 
Jason gets a very dubious
"earned sack" on this play, his only solo of the entire
day.� There's a reason that NFL QBs drop
back no more than 7 yards on their drop.�
The reason is the same geometry used for the placement of
place-kicks and punts.� As a QB, you
don't drop back 10 yards, nor does a kicker have his holder put the ball down 9
yards behind the LOS.� As it was, this
play lost a whopping 3 (THREE) yards.� It
should also be noted that Steve McNair managed to "throw away" the
ball in order to get rid of the ball and avoid the sack, and this play
initially was ruled an incomplete pass.�
But McNair's knee had touched down a millisecond before he released the
pass; thus the refs over-ruled the incomplete pass and called it a
"tackle".� But, given the time
of game and the field position, it BENEFITTED the Titans for this play to be
ruled a sack.� The play ended at 1:44 of
the 2Q, with the ball on the Titan 22-yard line from the piddly little 3-yard
loss.� Because the play was ruled a
sack, ie, a 3-yard loss in the middle of the field, instead of an incomplete
pass, the Stillers were forced to stop the clock at 1:44 with their 2nd
timeout, in order to avoid having the Titans while away considerably scarce
time before they punted.� Once again,
this is a classic example of how over-rated and over-valued the sack is.�
6.� 1-10-PIT 30 6:02 3Q.�
Third-string RB Chris Brown takes a handoff up RT, while Big Jason is
SOLO blocked by Kinney�.
��� 
�.the mauling continues, as The
Dogger does nothing to fight off Kinney, push him back, or knife
through the block.� Rather, The
Dogger just gives up ground as easy as the French army�
��� 
�Brown is stopped on the play, but
no thanks to the feeble, pathetic effort of Jason GilDong, who prefers to dance
with blockers rather than shed them.�
��� 
7.� 2-7-TEN 13 15:00 4Q.�
Rookie third-string RB Chris Brown takes the handoff and heads up
RG/RT, while Big Jason is SOLO blocked by the TE, Kinney�
��� 
�Aaron Smith gets held by Miller, and Brown prepares to run just inside of Big Jason, the big, he-man "pro bowler"�.
��� 
�.Jason had an EASY shot at Brown
-- after all, this is "pro bowler" against rookie, greenhorn,
3rd-string RB -- but there goes Jason's flailing arm, his favorite method of
trying to bring down a ballcarrier�(The GilDongites will try to claim that the
right-hand photo below, shows Kinney holding; he clearly was not.)�
��� 
�as usual, Jason FLOPS &
FLAILS, and once again ends up on the turf with his dick in the dirt.��
��� 
Brown gained an easy 10 yards on
the play, while the $6M Dong flopped, flailed, and whiffed, and then ended up
with his dick in the dirt.� With such
prowess, ferocity, and effectiveness, why doesn't Jason get at least another
$2M thrown into his annual paycheck?��
8.� 2-10-TEN 7 8:06 4Q.�
In obvious clock-chewing mode, the Titans handed off to George up RT, as
Jason is engaged by the RT, Miller�
��� 
�Jason gets bullied like the
pimply-faced nerd on the middle school playground�.
��� 
��� 
�and then gets blasted onto his
ass, while George cruises by for an easy 6-yard gainer.�
��� 
Triv's photos don't do this
hilarious play justice, but those astute fans who smartly re-watch the game on
videotape should watch this play again.�
Just don't hold a cup of hot coffee while you do it -- you might spill
it onto your lap from laughing so hard.�
To summarize:� Jason had 1 solo the entire game: that came
on a sack in which McNair foolishly dropped back 10 (ten) yards from the LOS,
and was lassoed for a whopping 3-yard loss.�
Keeping this huge, game-breaking sack -- as most blind fans claim -- in
perspective, consider this:� In reviewing
the tape and the play-by-play from this game, there were no less than 75
plays that, in terms of yardage, impact, or both, were far more significant
than Jason's piss-ant little 3-yard sack.�
That's right, 75.� But we'll be inundated with babble and
bromide about, "Jason had a sack."��
Sure, and Chat Scott actually had a PD (pass defensed) during this
game.�
The Crabber allowed
one 1st-down during the game; flailed twice; and spent more time on his back
than a Las Vegas whore.� Hurries created
when he beat a blocker?� None.� Hits on the QB after beating a blocker?� None.�
Forced turnovers?� None.� Hard hits?�
None.� Stuffed running
plays?� None.� Meaningful impact on the game?�
Absolutely none.�
Sure enough, we'll hear more
babble from Ron Cook and The GilDongites, "�but�but Jason
was back in coverage practically the whole game."� No, he was not. Counting plays with flags
and plays in which the QB ran, Jason dropped in coverage 6 times, while rushing
the QB 12 times.� He rushed twice as
much as he covered, yet didn't harass or hurry McNair the entire afternoon,
aside from the cheesy sack.� The Dong STOOD AROUND the entire
game and, aside from a sack, did absolutely NOTHING.���
It's rather sad when you see a BACKUP, 2nd-year OLB on the
opposing team -- a guy who has never started a single game in the NFL --
grossly outplay The Six Million Dollar Fraud, Jason GilDong.� Boiman possesses better technique, better
hitting, better on-field awareness, and far better quickness and speed.� Ask yourself this:� Would GilDong have even gotten that safety on Maddox, or would he
have feebly flopped to his knees and allowed Maddox to nose the ball out of the
EZ?� Would GilDong have ever, in 300
attempts, even caught that INT, and would he have had the presence to spring up
off the ground like a jackrabbit and sprint toward the end zone in a mad dash
for a game-breaking TD?� Answers:� NO, YES, NO, NO.��
"But Jason is being ganged
upon by opponents�.he has to beat double and triple teams every play to
get to the QB."� Once again,
another pathetic, baldfaced fallacy that has exactly zero grounding in fact.� Jason performed some designed stunts, in
which he stunted to the inside, and sometimes he ran into a "2nd
blocker" (such as the center) who threw a jab while helping both the LG
and RG with protection.� But sure
enough, we'll hear experts like Ron Cook, who will tell you how badly Jason is
being picked on with a phalanx of blockers hitting him on each and every
play.� It's balderdash.� The Titans ignored Jason on most plays and
treated him with as much fear as if they were facing Justin Kurpeikis.�
It's high time the Pittsburgh
media stopped coddling this sorry slacker and started treating The Gimcrack for
what he is: an overpaid, fraudulent slouch who expends little energy, does
nothing, and is actually inferior to 4th-year LB Clark Haggans, as well as
Titan 2nd-year OLB Rocky Boiman.�
It's partially absurd that this
much analysis needs to be done on such an obvious fraud, but there are still
scores of fans out there who think this phony is actually worth a rat's
ass.� He's not, and we'll continue to
expose him, week in and week out, this season.�
If anyone doubts the validity of
The GilDong Report, then go ahead and re-watch the game on tape, and compare
what you observe to what the report covers.�
Don't have the game on tape?�
Then make it a point to isolate on Big Jason, and only Big Jason, on
perhaps 40% (or more) of the plays next week.�
Soon enough, you'll join the legions of Steeler fans who have finally
seen through the ridiculous fa�ade of The Kong of Dong�The Princess of Cheeze,
Jason GilDong�.and now know the truth about what a fraud this imposter
truly is.�
Season to date totals for Jason, in 4 games:
Earned
Sacks: 1
Dong Sacks�:� 0
Strips, Jars, fumbles caused: 0�
INTs caused: 0
Flailing Whiffs: 4
First downs allowed: 6
TDs allowed:� 1�
(Click
here to read the 2002 season-in-review GilDong Report�)
(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- the only
nationally read coverage on the Pittsburgh Stillers that has accurately
predicted the how's and the why's of the past 3 Stiller playoff losses�.)