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The Gildon Report -- Updated Nov. 16

November 16, 1999 by Still Mill

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The Gildong Report

In light of many a fan being bamboozled and ga-ga over Jason Gildongļæ½s 11 sacks last season --- despite only 2 being anywhere near "earned sacks" --- I'm devoting some time this season to monitor the work of the exceptionally average Jason Gildon. Jason has been famous enough with his coverage sacks, flop sacks, the QB-slipped-on-the-wet-turf sacks, the OT totally forgot his blocking assignment sacks, and so on, that the NFL has designated a new statistic, called the "Dong Sack"ä , in honor of Jason Gildong. (Some fantasy football leagues are incorporating this into their point systems.)

Gildon recorded 2 sacks versus the Browns, and the 1st sack caused a fumble to set up our only TD. To the casual fan, reading this is enough to assume that Gildon had a great game, and that this is sufficient info to applaud Gildon for a job well done.

Unfortunately, football is a bit more complex than just a couple of raw statistics.

First, both of Gildon's sacks were obviously Dong Sacksä . The 1st came at 9:00 of the 3rd quarter, on 2d & 10, versus a 5 WR set. The RT blocked down on the DT, and Gildon came in literally untouched on a straight beeline to the QB. Couch was looking for a receiver to his left, so Couch never saw Gildon, and the resulting hit caused a fumble. This, by the way, was the first fumble ever caused by Gildon on an NFL sack. The other sack came at 7:26 of the 3d quarter, on a 1st & 10 play. We rushed 5 men, including a blitzing Lee Flowers, who lined up outside of Gildon on the left side, and joined the rush immediately after the snap. The RT moved quickly to his right to block Lee, and Gildon again came in totally untouched for the easy Dong Sack. Other than these 2 plays, Gildon got no closer to Couch than a politician gets to a lie detector machine.

This isn't all there is to report, either. Remember the play that Chad Scott got injured on?? Scott did a good job to break-down and square up to Kevin Johnson, who'd caught an underneath pass. As Scott began to make contact with KJ, Gildong came flying in, on a play that should have been a "wipeout" hit of KJ. Johnson was worried only about Scott, and with Gildon coming in at a perpendicular angle to KJ and Scott in a perfect tackling position, KJ was ripe for at least a moderate blast from Gildong. Only 1 problem --- the clumsy Gildong came flying in, and barely grazed Chad Scott, missing KJ entirely. Because of this overt slop, Holmes and Roye had to come over and finish off the play, and it was at this point that Scott's knee got buckled-under and sprained. I reviewed this play on video several times, and this is 100% fact. Chad Scott can rightfully thank Jason Gildon and his excessively sloppy finishing tackle for his sprained knee.

If only this were all there is to report. There's more. People wonder why Jason Gildong is on my shit list. Two plays in this game are the EXACT reason why Jason gets the deserved lack of respect from me. The 1st play that drew my ire was his first sack of Couch, which caused the fumble. On the surface, this appears to be an all-star play that even Jack Ham would be proud of. In fact, if Jack Ham watched this play, he'd be downright disgusted. As soon as Gildon got the sack, he immediately popped up like a jack-in-the-box, faced the crowd, and began strutting and preening like a pompous jackass. Meanwhile, Roye recovered the ball, and was crawling and scooching his way toward the goal line, since no Brown had tagged him "down". Holmes alertly was trying to lift and push Roye toward the goal line, knowing that no whistle had blown and that our offense can't be trusted no matter how short the distance is to the goal line. Only an overly selfish, flaunting showboat would begin gesturing and grandstanding while the play is 'live' and the ball is loose. And if you're going to justify it by saying that "it was too loud, and maybe Gildon was just excited", you're wrong. The good football players play till they hear a whistle, and look around for the action until they are 100% sure the play is dead. This is a CLASSIC case of fluff over substance. Gildon is all show, and no bite.

This fact was reinforced by the Marc Edwards' touchdown. Edwards caught a short swing pass at around the 5-yard line, and turned upfield toward the goal line. Both Simmons and Gildon were there at the goal line when Eddie turned upfield at about the 4. Gildon, with Simmons on his right (inside) shoulder, showed his true colors -- YELLOW -- by never moving UP to deliver a blow to Edwards. He cowardly just stood on the goal line and waited. Worse, Gildong inexplicably allowed Edwards an EASY angle toward the orange "pylon", despite knowing that he had inside help from Simmons. The play ended laughingly with Edwards easily blasting thru a weak Gildon tackle-attempt for an easy touchdown. Especially considering that the game was on the line late in the 4th quarter, this was as soft and gutless a play from a linebacker as I've ever seen.

On paper, it appears that Gildon had 1 of the best games of his career. Unfortunately, the game ain't played on paper. It's played on a gridiron, where the men are easily separated from the boys. The stark reality is that this was a terrible game by Gildon, and he showed that he clearly belongs with the boys, not the men.

Season to date totals for Jason:

Earned Sacks: 2
Dong Sacksä : 5.5
Strips, Jars, fumbles caused, etc.: 1

The Still Mill 

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