The GilDong Report (Game #1, vs. Raiders)
In light of many a fan being bamboozled and ga-ga over Jason
Gildong's paper statistics the past 5-plus seasons, I've devoted considerable
time the past 4 seasons to monitor the work of the exceptionally average Jason
Gildon.� Big Jason has been famous
enough with his coverage sacks, flop sacks, the QB-slipped-on-the-wet-turf
sacks, the OT totally forgot his blocking assignment sacks, and so on, that the
NFL designated a new statistic, called the "Dong Sack�", in
honor of Jason Gildong. (Some fantasy football leagues are incorporating this
into their point systems.)�
Again in '04, we'll take time to expose The Flopper, Jason
Gildon, for the fraud that he truly is.
Wait a minute�..Jason GilDong is gone!! Ha ha!�� In his place started Clark Haggans, coming
off a broken hand and making his first-ever start at LOLB.��
And what a start it was.� Haggans was aggressive, tough, tenacious, and hell-bent�.in other words, everything that Jason GilDong was not.� Clark had 2 strips of the QB, plus a few other pressures, including a flush of Gannon that forced the errant pass that was INT'd by Townsend.� In sum, Haggans was the most dominant linebacker on the field -- white jerseys included -- on Sunday, so dominant that he was the co-winner of the coveted Stillers.com Hard Hat Award, an award that Jason GilDong never once won.�
And to think the Stillers insisted on rotting Clark Haggans
on the bench the past couple of seasons behind a big pile of shit like Jason GilDong,
and all the while lavishing The Gilded Dong with millions upon millions of
dollars in a ludicrous $24M, 6-year contract.�
Think about it: the Stillers pissed away millions & millions of
dollars the past 2 seasons, while a clearly superior LB rotted on the
bench.� While Jason GilDong played grab
ass in 2002, Clark Haggans could have made a difference, both in the regular
season and the playoffs.� Instead,
Haggans rotted on the pine and Jason GilDong loafed and jogged and tittyfought
.�
Some will claim that Haggans just never showed what he can
do.� That's absolute poppycock.� Haggans was allowed to play in the 2001
season finale versus Clev, and as I reported in The GilDong Report for
that game, Haggans played far better than GilDong. �Haggans showed toughness, he shed blockers,
and he played with hustle and malice.� The
Stillers, "led" by Billy Cowher, totally disregarded that effort, and
then just 2 months later lavished Jason GilDong with a $24M contract before the
FA period even began.��
To be sure, Haggans is not, nor ever will, the next Lawrence
Taylor.� He's merely a steady, solid
linebacker.� But he is far tougher, far
grittier, and far better than the dogging loafer, Jason GilDong.� I stated this very fact last season in the
weekly GilDong Report, when I wrote nearly every week, " It's high time
the Pittsburgh media stopped coddling this sorry slacker and started treating
The Gimcrack for what he is: an overpaid, fraudulent slouch who expends little
energy, does nothing, and is actually inferior to 4th-year LB Clark Haggans."� Funny thing -- now the entire Pgh. media has
jumped ALL OVER the Haggans bandwagon.�
You didn't hear a negative peep from the Pgh. media about Jason GilDong
the entire 2003 season, but suddenly we're inundated with, "Haggans
made more plays in this game than Big Jason made all of last season."� The statement is correct, of course, but the
hypocrisy, like the play of Jason GilDong, makes me want to vomit.�
Of course, simpletons like Ron Cook, Dale Lolleygag, and
John Skawski -- the executive vice presidents of the GilDong Apologists
Association -- will never own up to their erroneous love and fawning of
Big Jason GilDong.�
See ya, Jason!��
Enjoy the weekly visits to the unemployment office.� Stillers fans, for the first time since
1995, enjoy seeing what real linebacking at LOLB looks like.�
(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- the only
nationally read coverage on the Pittsburgh Stillers that has accurately
predicted the how's and the why's of the past 3 Stiller playoff losses�.)