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Loose Slag From The Still Mill

June 20, 2001 by Still Mill

Loose Slag From The Still Mill (June 20th, �01)

Loose Slag From The Still Mill (June 20th, �01)

- As if the stadium name deal for the nation�s only modern NFL stadium that also houses a prominent NCAA football team wasn�t shabby enough, we have learned that not only does Heinz get the right to name the stadium, they also get exclusive rights to sell their products inside. So unlike these other name-buyers who get next-to-nothing in terms of ACTUAL sales of products INSIDE the stadium, Heinz will now laugh all the way to the bank, selling hot dogs, relish, salad dressing, mustard, tomato sauce for pizzas --- you name it --- at all these concession stands. Ivesco won't, in any practical manner, be able to sell mutual funds INSIDE the Denver Stadium. I doubt Erricsson has sold many cel phones INSIDE the stadium during Carolina Panther games. I doubt PNC Bank opens very many new checking accounts INSIDE PNC Park during games. FedEx doesn�t ship too many overnight parcels that are dropped off by �Skins fans who attend the games in D.C. But Heinz.....they get EXCLUSIVE RIGHTS to sell ALL SORTS of chow, condiments, and related items. This is a verifiable GOLDMINE.....and one that was obtained dirt cheap due to Rooney's dullardly dealings.

- Speaking of chumps, last week Kevin Gaypride was on ESPN radio giving advice on, of all things, how to build and run a winning football team. They were treating him like he was football royalty. "I can't believe you were let go". "Truly one of the sports offensive geniuses". "What offers are you considering?" "How would you run the Redskins?" "What would you have done differently in Tampa or Baltimore?" "Who do you think was the best talent in the draft?"

I especially liked the "What offers are you considering?" Let's see....should Gaypride sell insurance for Prudential, All-State, or Nationwide ????

- Just wondering...what does FedEx have to do with the city & fans of Washington, D.C. ??

- By the way, I was cleaning out some files on the ol� computer, and stumbled on the Pro Football Weekly write-up of Burress when he was drafted. Said PFW:

"Enrolled at MSU in '97 but had to sit out for academic reasons..."

"Outstanding athletic ability. Creates INSTANT matchup problems with his size and athleticism. Good hands, balance, and excellent body control. Can make the acrobatic, circus catches. Plays big in big games. (10-255-3 vs. Mich. and 13-185-3 vs. Fla.) Poor practice habits. Has good hands but a lot of concentration lapses that lead to dropped passes. Is not a disciplined route runner and does a lot of freelancing. Does not have a big-league work ethic."

The Stillers KNEW what they were getting....a guy too dumb to be academically eligible as a frosh, and who played only 2 years at MSU. A guy with great body control and size, but with poor route-running and a poor work ethic. KNOWING this, the team did NOTHING --- N-O-T-H-I-N-G --- in regard to all this pertinent information. NOTHING. In fact, a half-decent lawyer could easily argue that the team actually went out of its way to do EVERYTHING they could to SABOTAGE Burress. Here�s the Stiller braintrust: "He's dumb? Ok, fine --- we'll shove the most elaborate, complicated offense we can dream of down his throat. Poor work ethic & practice habits? Great --- we'll condone it and do nothing to motivate him. Poor route runner? No problem !! We'll only let him run cutesy curls during games. Size mismatch?? Ha ha, we can "cure" that mismatch by refusing to throw him the ball downfield against midget CBs." This, folks, is what ya call a piss-poor use of resources.....

- One great thing about Heinz...they actually make the Jack Daniel�s Grilling Sauce. As a big fan of both bourbon and Tennessee Whiskey, I applaud Heinz� initiative in this product. A further step in this cooperative agreement between Daniels and Heinz, would be to sell Jack Daniels down at the stadium. Or at least at kiosks outside the stadium. The security guards would hate it, but our rabid Stiller fans would really get fueled up with JD on gameday. I�m sure at least 20% of �em already are...

- Just wondering...will it be a conflict of interest when Doughboy Bettis pimps his smorgasbord of Giant Eagle products, many of which are in direct sales competition with Heinz products?

- Probably the best proposal I�ve heard for the stadium name? Club Erotica would have been a good sponsor. Or even Club Ed.

They could have been the sole provider of stadium lap dances....


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