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The GilDong Report (Dec. 5th, Game 13)

December 05, 2000 by Still Mill


No Pro Bowl!The GilDong Report (Dec. 5th, '00)

In light of many a fan being bamboozled and ga-ga over Jason Gildong�s 11 sacks in �98 --- despite only 2 being anywhere near "earned sacks" --- I devoted considerable time last season to monitor the work of the exceptionally average Jason Gildon. Jason has been famous enough with his coverage sacks, flop sacks, the QB-slipped-on-the-wet-turf sacks, the OT totally forgot his blocking assignment sacks, and so on, that the NFL designated a new statistic, called the "Dong Sack™", in honor of Jason Gildong. (Some fantasy football leagues are incorporating this into their point systems.) Again in '00, I'll take time to expose Jason Gildon for the fraud that he is.

Both the local and national media has really picked up its fawning over Gildon the past few weeks, reaching nearly a fever pitch in an overzealous attempt to swindle enough folks around the nation into this notion that Gildon is a viable candidate for the Pro Bowl.

Ok, fine. Here was Big Jason's chance, against the team with the best record in the AFC, to show his stuff against formidable competition.

Instead, Gildon went out and not only laid an egg -- but sucked egg -- all day long, in an effort that was no more inspiring than the acting career of Brian Bozworth (who, as an NFL LB was, ironically enough, all hype and puff, and little substance, just like The Gilded Dong.)

On Oakland's second series of the game, Gildon set the tempo for himself in this game, on a 3rd and 1. Wheatley ran up RT, and TE Ricky Dudley -- hardly a ferocious blocker -- literally BURIED Gildon, and Wheat sauntered through for an easy 5-yard gain.

Gildon recorded a solo at 11:18 of the 2d qtr. Backup WR David Dunn did a short hitch as a slot man, and Gannon -- after looking off his primary receiver & staring at Dunn for a full 2 seconds -- hit Dunn with a pass. Gildon made the non-strenuous solo stop.

At 6:28 of the 2nd qtr, Gildon missed an easy coverage sack of Gannon, on 3rd and 7. Gildon did the WLR (wide loop rush), and Gannon found no one open. Gildon came from behind Gannon, and nearly had both paws just inches from Gannon, when The Dong inexplicably allowed Gannon to escape and scoot for 10 yards and a key first down. Not only did Gildon whiff, but he then flopped to the ground & got buried by RT Kennedy, who simply laid atop Gildon. This scrum of human flesh served as an obstacle for Joey Porter, who had to juke and jump over this pile and, in the process, narrowly missed grabbing Gannon.

On another 3rd & 1, this time at 2:05 of the 2nd qtr, Wheatley again ran up RT. Dudley initially blocked Gildon at the snap, and then moved on to hit another defender. FB Richie came over and gave the un-engaged Gildon a shove further to the outside, and Wheat easily ambled thru this nice fissure for a 3-yard gain.

A few plays later, on a 1st & 10 from the Pit. 21, Gannon slightly rolled to his right. Gildon was pass-blocked by backup TE, Jeremy Brigham. RB Randy Jordan then jogged over and gave Gildon a tiny shove to the inside, and then reversed himself to receive a pass. Gildon, in all of this, never once got any push against Brigham, nor moved laterally to his left to mirror the rolling QB. Gannon, with no harassment or disruption, easliy tossed the pass to Jordan, while Gildon stood in no-man's land, too far away from Jordan and too far away from Gannon. Jordan turned up-field and dashed 21-yards for a crushing TD shortly before halftime.

Gildon helped out on a stop of Wheat, at 5:30 of the 3rd. Wheat ran up the gut, but with no hole, he bounced it to the right. Kimo and Gildon combined to make the stop, with a lil' help from Brent.

Three plays, Holmes (who had a very strong game, by the way) stripped Wheatley of the ball. Contrary to the gushing by CBS announcer Moose Johnston, as well as some stat sheets, Gildon did NOT recover this ball. In fact, Gildon can be clearly seen quickly erupting from the scrum, and standing up and pointing "Steeler ball" with his hand like a referee does. Lee Flowers is the guy who recovered this ball; not Big Jason.

Moose also boloed on his statement of, "Zack Crockett held Gildon around the ankles" two plays after the nearly-botched Darrien Gordon punt return. With Oakland near its own goal line, Gannon rolled to his right. Crockett made a good, legal block on Gildon by diving at his feet. Period. Moose apparently got hit too many times during his Cryboy heyday.

The next play, on a 3rd & 1 from their own 10, Oakland ran Wheatley once again up RT. Gildon was barely touched by Kennedy, and -- either by clumsiness, fear, or both -- meekly fell to the turf, providing exactly no help whatsoever. Fortunately, Henry & Kimo stuffed Wheatley to force the punt.

At 11:43 of the 4th qtr, Gannon was flagged for intentional grounding when he was harassed by Gildon. Don't be fooled on this play, however. Gildon was SOLO-blocked by TE Dudley, who then peeled off to the flat in order to serve as an outlet receiver. Gildon then came in untouched to provide the harassment of Gannon.

At around the 6-minute mark of the 4th, Gildon had coverage on Dudley. Gannon ended up hitting a wide-open Dudley for 27 yards, and Big Jason combined with Brent to make the stop. The next play, Kaufman dashed up the gut for 11. Gildon, who was totally unblocked and untouched on the play, got a weak 1-arm flail and trip-up of Kaufman for the solo stop.

That's it, folks. Big Bad Jason Gildon -- supposedly the budding pro bowler -- faced a solid foe and in the span of 68 plays, did little more than stand around stealing oxygen from his fellow teammates. Other than backup DE Chris Sullivan, I can't think of a single defender who had LESS of an impact versus Oakland, than Jason GilDong.

Please, enough with the pro bowl babble in reference to GilDong. It's bad enough this country suffered through this bizarre screw-up of the presidential election. Let's not botch the pro bowl election process by trying to swindle voters with a depraved scheme to elect a thoroughly unworthy LB.

Season to date totals for Jason, in 13 games:

Earned Sacks: 5
Dong Sacks™: 5
Strips, Jars, fumbles caused: 3

The Still Mill 

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