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The GilDong Report (Game #2, @ Buffalo)

October 03, 2001 by Still Mill


No Pro Bowl!The GilDong Report(Game #2, @ Buffalo)

In light of many a fan being bamboozled and ga-ga over Jason Gildong�s 11 sacks in �98 --- despite only 2 being anywhere near "earned sacks" --- I�ve devoted considerable time the past 2 seasons to monitor the work of the exceptionally average Jason Gildon. Gildon, as you may recall, hoodwinked enough voters in �00 to be voted in to a reserve spot in the Pro Bowl.Jason has been famous enough with his coverage sacks, flop sacks, the QB-slipped-on-the-wet-turf sacks, the OT totally forgot his blocking assignment sacks, and so on, that the NFL designated a new statistic, called the "Dong Sack�", in honor of Jason Gildong. (Some fantasy football leagues are incorporating this into their point systems.) Again in '01, I'll take time to expose Jason Gildon for the fraud that he truly is.

Gildon, coming off a supposed �pro bowl� season, had yet another weak, no-impact game against an injury-ravaged Bills team that was essentially playing its #4 and #5 offensive tackles.��� In fact, the man Gildon faced most often was a rookie 5th rounder, Marques Sullivan.This was a chance for Big Jason to make a showing, but instead all he did was show what a farce he is as a supposed �force� at linebacker in a scheme that it built to give LBs every opportunity to make plays and wreak havoc.

Gildon finished the game with 3 solos and 2 assists, which, on paper, sounds somewhat adequate.�� Examined more closely, this was yet another game in which Big Jason did little more than �stack jump�, which was the only activity he did all day with zest and zeal.

Gildon�s 1st solo came at 1:18 of the 2nd qtr.�� He lined up at ROLB (Porter was shrewdly being moved around all day), and was in short sit-down zone.Centers caught a short valve dumpoff in the left-middle of the field.�� Gildon -- supposedly so cat-like and quick, according to the same Pittsburgh media machine that trumpeted Bettis� physical conditioning all summer -- was slow to react, and even slower to chase down the aging fullback.�� Finally, The Dong hauled down Centers, but not after a 12-yard gain.��

Big Jason�s 2nd solo -- and his first sack of the season -- came at 13:00 of the 3rd quarter.On a 3rd & 11 from the Buff 30, Rob Johnson was flushed to his right by Joey Porter, who was lined up at LOLB.Gildon was lined up at LDE on the play, and stunted toward the center at the snap.However, as is his nature, Gildon never got further than 2 feet past the line of scrimmage, instead getting bullied about by the center.�� Upon seeing Johnson scramble, Jason ran laterally to his left, and was able to weakly corral a juking Johnson about 4 yards short of the LOS.�� This goes into the NFL books as a sack, and it goes into this committee�s ledger as a Dong Sack.

His 3rd and last solo came at 8:33 of the 4th quarter.On a 3rd & 10, Centers caught a valve dumpoff behind the LOS, in the right flat.On the play, GilDong was getting manhandled by RT M. Sullivan, but was able to then come around Sullivan and make the easy stop of Centers.

Jason got an assist at 9:37 of the 3rd qtr.Henry ran up RT on 1st & 10 at the Bills 9.KenBell came flying in and made the stick, and Gildon arrived a split-second later.

Frankly, I did not see a clear 2nd assist, which GilDong was credited for.To be sure, The Dong was extremely active in this game in his ever-clever stack jumping, in which he dives, jumps, or slides into a stack long after the ballcarrier has been stopped by 2 or 3 other defenders.In fact, on one play at 2:15 of the 2nd quarter, The Dong ambled over to the pile and literally sat on the pile, as though it were a LaZ-Boy recliner.Preposterous, but true.

Of course, if stack-jumping and pile-sitting were The Dong�s gravest boners, there wouldn�t be a need for this weekly column.�� (Some would argue that there isn�t a need at all for a weekly column on the NFL�s most overrated stiff, but that�s food for a different column.)Gildon had several soft, flaccid plays that showed exactly what a pansy he truly is.

Take the Bills� very first play from scrimmage, which Henry bolted up RT for 10 yards.TE J. Rimersma easily did a kickout block on Gildon, who politely accepted it.Gildon then did his �squat and flail�, in which he squats down on all fours and meekly flails at the ballcarrier as he runs by.Henry, of course, easily busted thru this weak-assed flail, and gained another 7 yards.

At 14:25 of the 2nd qtr, Henry ran a toss sweep to his right.�� Gildon was again easily kicked out -- this time by Sullivan -- and Holmes and Bell made the stop.Gildon�s only contribution was to stack jump after the stop was made.

At 7:59 of the 2nd, Henry ran another toss sweep to the right.This time, Big Jason was totally unblocked and untouched, yet passively and pansily waited and waited and waited.�� Finally, Casey Hampton came chugging over from his NT spot and made a sterling play, while Big Jason was getting down into his oft-preferred �squat and flail� position.

Late in the 1st half, on the Steeler 8, Johnson faded back to pass.Gildon did his ever-popular Wide Loop Rush� (WLR), and ended up -- you guessed it -- squatting and flailing for air on the turf while Johnson scooted away for a near-TD down to the 5-inch line.

At 1:39 of the 3rd qtr, Buffalo ran a weak-side counter up RG/RT.Gildon was totally untouched at the snap, since no TE was on the weak side.The LG pulled and hit Jason and easily kicked him out, and with a nice crease, Henry cruised for 5 yards.�� This is a play in which a real LB has got to step UP; aggressively TAKE ON the block; shed the block; and seal the hole.�� Jason did exactly none of this, and the result is the kind of gain that a capable team will exploit time and time again.

And there�s the 3rd & 2 reverse late in the 3rd quarter that the Bills tried.Gildon was totally fooled on the play, meandering to his right way out of position.Fortunately, Chad Scott sniffed out the play and snuffed it well short of the sticks, no thanks to Big Jason, the supposed pro bowler.

Pass pressure?�� Aside from a couple of plays in which he was either left totally unblocked, or momentarily chip-blocked solely by the TE before the TE released into his pattern, The Dong didn�t apply pressure a single time the entire game.��

As if this game wasn�t a portrait for the clumsiness and ineptitude of Jason GilDong, there�s the fumble return for a TD by DeWayne Washington.When DW snared the fumble and began running toward the EZ, Gildon was fully upright; not engaged with anybody; and was the closest man to the ball.�� Yet, upon DW scoring the TD, the cameras clearly show Lee Flowers, and then NT Casey Hampton, congratulating DW well before Gildong managed to show up.

In summary, Gildon had 3 solos -- 2 on dumpoffs to a nearby FB, and one on an easy Dong Sack of a scrambling QB.�� Impact, big plays, hard hits, or anything impressive?Absolutely none.�� In fact, it�s become readily apparent that the 4th best starting linebacker on this team is none other than the gilded dong, Jason Gildong.�� Anyone who thinks otherwise should check in to Mayview State Hospital, located near the Bridgeville/Upper St. Clair suburbs of Pittsburgh.

Season to date totals for Jason, in 2 games:

Earned Sacks: 0
Dong Sacks�:1
Strips, Jars, fumbles caused: 0


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