Doughboy Bettis:� The Real Deal

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Many a fan took umbrage over my factual comparison of Curtis Martin and Doughboy Bettis last week.�

 

I'd not received that much pouting and caterwauling since the days leading up to the Jan. 2002 AFC Title game, in which I'd broken down the pre-game analysis and adroitly predicted the Patriot victory.�� My in-box was flooded with "How could you possibly predict a Patriot victory�..", and, of course, a couple days later Billy Cowher gagged on the apple in his throat and the Stillers choked away a game to a 10-point underdog.

 

This brings us to the reality of The Tubby Tailback, Jerome Bettis.� Sometimes, the truth hurts, and the truth was the proof in the pudding of that comparison of the great but under publicized Curtis Martin and the good but over publicized Doughboy Bettis.�

 

Let's assess some of the babble and bromide surrounding The Tubber, and then establish the reality behind The Bloated Bellyback.� The facts don't lie....and ignoring them doesn't serve as a pragmatic method, either. 

 

Myth:� Jerome "unselfishly" took a paycut and as such, deserves blessed adoration and unswerving devotion from every Steeler fan on the planet.�

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Fact:� The Dougbhoy didn't "take a paycut".�� He was going to be CUT, and sent to the unemployment line, and faced with that prospect, he ACCEPTED a Steeler offer of a paycut.� This is entirely different from John Elway in his heyday with the Broncos.� Not once, but TWICE, John Elway went out of his way -- in his prime, no less -- and APPROACHED the Denver front office about taking a pay cut in order to help improve the roster.� That, my friends, is a real sacrifice.� Allow me to spell out the difference for those of you who are slow to comprehend:�

 

Bettis -- fat, over the hill back, going to be cut, accepts a pay cut in lieu of being sent to the PA Unemployment Office.

 

Elway -- in-shape, in his prime, 1 of top QBs in the entire league, approaches his GM on not 1 but 2 separate occasions and basically demands pay cuts in order to give his team more flexibility under the sal cap.

 

What Elway did was, in fact, unselfish.� What The Tubber did was, in fact, selfish.�� Had he approached the Stillers 3 years ago and demanded a pay cut, that would have been unselfish.

 

Myth: "Jerome unselfishly took a cut in pay"��

Fact:� Sure, he took a paycut from the STEELERS.   He did not, however, have to abandon the huge marketing machine at GIANT EAGLE grocery stores, where his face is plastered on everything from chips to mustard.  Bettis learned what Rod Woodson did not -- once you become an icon in Pittsburgh, you can ride a GRAVY TRAIN the rest of your life.   The only thing ya don't do, is BOTCH the ride on the gravy train by sounding like a greedy bastard.  Bettis has played this like Mozart, and if he ran for mayor in the next election, he'd win in a LANDSLIDE without spending a cent on advertising and publicity. 

 

����������� John Elway also played this quite well in Denver.� Elway, in fact, owned a huge conglomerate of car dealerships, all of which were emblazoned with "John Elway Chevrolet" and "John Elway Mazda" and so forth.� He sold them just a few years ago for the small profit of $35M.� How much would these dealerships have been worth if Elway had fled the Broncos and signed with, say, the Raiders or the Chiefs or the Dolphins ?�� Oh, about $2M, if he was lucky�.assuming neighborhood thugs didn't burn half of them down in disgust.�

 

����������� The lesson?� It is that it's far, far better financially, LONG TERM, to be a sports legend in a single city, than to be a vagabond that bounces from city to city every couple of years chasing a pay raise of a couple hundred thousand dollars.� Just ask Rod Woodson how long his sports bar remained open near Station Square in Pittsburgh after he departed the Stillers, before closing down.� And had Woodson retired as a lifetime Stiller, he could have practically owned the city.� Now, he's just another former-Stiller who'd be lucky to own a Dairy Queen out on Route 8 in Etna.� Bettis did the same as Elway.....and both learned what Rod Woodson failed to -- it's better to be a loved legend than to be a caravanning vagabond.   

 

����������� Ergo, Jerome Bettis took care of himself; nothing more, nothing less.� He need not be canonized in Rome for induction into sainthood.� Fact is, Bettis would have NEVER gone to another team, lest he lost his seat on the GRAVY TRAIN. 

 

Myth: Bettis had 4-straight 100-yard games and "carried" the team.� Without him, the Steelers would have surely been lost.� We simply would not have won without The Tubby Tailback.�

Fact:� Doughboy Bettis needed 29 carries against a pitiful Cleveland defense (averaging a whopping 3.6 YPC) and 31 carries against a stingy Skins defense (averaging a whopping 3.2 YPC) in order to barely eek out 100 yards.� Not much to really fawn over.

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����������� The bigger reality is this: At Carolina, the Panthers lost starting RB Stephen Davis and then DeShaun Foster.� These and other injuries forced the Panthers to turn to 5th string (yes, that's correct, 5th string) RB Nick Goings, a SCRUB who couldn't even start in college at Pitt and who'd rushed all of 10 times last season and about 110 times the 2 years prior.� All Nick Goings has done the past 4 weeks is rush for over 100 yards in 4 straight games, averaging more per carry than The Lord Of Lardbacks, Jerome Bettis, and scoring more TDs than The Almighty Bettis.� The point here is not that Nick Goings is going (pun intended) to be the next Jim Brown.� The point here is that teams all over the NFL plug in backups and get some quality production, and it's not like Jerome Bettis is the first RB in NFL history to ever rush for 100 yards in 4 straight games.�

 

When a total scrub like Nick Goings accomplishes this supposedly awesome, gravity-defying feat, it serves notice that the feat is obviously not so tremendous after all.� And it's not like Nick Goings is some bizarre anomaly.� You see it all over the NFL.� Chris Brown replaced Freddie George and has gone over the 1,000 yard mark 13 game into the season.� Priest Holmes got hurt and Larry Johnson has set the world on fire.� David Voleck replaces an injured Steve McNair and throws for 426 yards.� And on and on and on and on.� Maybe the Stillers should rush out like rabid wolves and acquire Nick Goings in the offseason, lavishing him with a $5M per annum contract.��

 

����������� The ignorant assume that, if The Almighty Lord Jerome weren't in the lineup, the RBs behind him would have carried the ball 20 times for 0 yards, and caught 0 passes for 0 yards.� That's the patent absurdity of the Bettis Bandwagoners, and few things could be more full of bovine droppings.� A great example is in Denver.� Terrell Davis set the standard in the late 90's, and then got hurt.� Then Olandis Gary stepped in and ran quite well. �Then Mike Anderson.� Then Clinton Portis.� This season Reuben Droughns was carrying the load quite well, and then got hobbled and mired in the doghouse.� Did the Doncos gain 0 yards rushing while crying in despair?� Nope.� They gave the ball to one of the NFL's all-time greats, Tatum "Taco" Bell, who gained 123 yards last week.�

 

����������� Fact is, football is a team sport, and if you have a good O-line and a great blocking FB, a RB -- virtually any RB -- will be able to have success carrying the ball.� Fawning over Fat Jerome's supposedly incredible, never-seen accomplishments is asininity at its worst. Let's not blow the "Jerome the Almighty Lord and Savior" out of proportion too much. 

 

 

Myth: "Jerome is a 255-pound RB."

Fact:� Patently absurd.� If Bettis is 255, that means Oliver Ross is only 275 and Dan Kreider is 215 pounds.� Doughboy Bettis weighs no less than 285, period.��

 

 

Myth: Jerome is a "great leader".��

Fact:� Leaders lead by example. The example isn't made by bloating to 285 pounds and carrying a spare tire larger than the one used on the Chevy Suburban.� Bettis, with a hearty diet of fatty foods, ALLOWED himself to BLOAT like John Goodman....slowing himself down; hobbling himself with more injury; and ultimately HURTING his team.  John Elway was a great leader.� So was Joe Montana.� Great leaders lead their team to success in the crunch time in the playoffs.� What's Fat Jerome ever done to lead the Stillers in the playoffs?�� Jerome Bettis was a good RB; he has never been a good leader.�

 

Myth: "Jerome is 1 of the all time great RBs."

Fact:� Fat Jerome has gained a lot of yardage.� In his heyday, he was a very good RB.� Over the course of his career, he's been no better than, quite simply, a good RB.� He's the epitome of 1-dimensionality, being a horrible pass receiver, a pitiful blocker, and a sloth that has allowed himself to bloat into a tubby tailback. He's nowhere near the class of Eric Dickerson, Walter Payton, Marcus Allen, Tony Dorsett, and several other truly all-time greats.�

 

 

Myth: "Jerome broke a tackle at the line of scrimmage and ran for the big TD against the Jets."

Fact:� Jerome was GIVEN a huge hole, courtesy of Faneca and Kreider.� He shrugged off a weak, half-hearted hand-tackle (not even an arm tackle, but a hand tackle) by Tongue and ran for a TD. If every defender tackled like Tongue, RBs would routinely rush for 300 yards per game.�

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Myth: "Curtis Martin gains all his yardage outside the tackles".�

Fact:� Cartis Martin has slashed up the gut as often as any burly fullback in NFL history, be it Czonka, Brown, or Franco.� Last week against the Stillers, I charted every one of Martin's carries.� Of his 23 carries, only 4 were outside the tackles.�� The idiot and the imbecile assume that, simply because Martin isn't a bloated whale like Fatboy Bettis, he's a "scatback" that runs wide all the time.� Nothing could be more full of bullshit.�

 

 

Myth: "Big Jerome isn't selfish and doesn't have a big ego."

Fact:� Fat Jerome is all about "ME".�� He talks it, he lives it, he promotes it.� Always has, dating back to his days at Notre Dame and the St. Louie Rams.� A classic example was his insistence on playing in the Jan. 2002 playoffs.� The dullard will claim that he did it for the team.� Pure bullshit.� The team, without The Bust, ran the ball quite well the week prior versus Balt.� No, The Big Bellyback couldn't stand seeing another back gash the opposing defense, and despite doing absolutely nothing to maintain his cardio and weight during his layoff, he insisted on playing and thereby and clogging the entire offense versus NE.��

 

 

Myth: "Jerome is a great playoff performer."�

Fact:� His playoff performances to date have been pure vomit.� In 4 playoff seasons, he's not led the Stillers to anything except the crapper.

 

The Bust's Career Playoff Stats:�

 

Year� Opp�� Result� |� RSH��� YD� TD� |� REC��� YD� TD

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 1996� In� W,42-14� |�� 25�� 102�� 2� |��� 1���� 4�� 0

 1996� NE� L,3-28�� |�� 13��� 43�� 0� |��� 2��� -1�� 0

 1997� NE� W,7-6��� |�� 25��� 67�� 0� |��� 1���� 7�� 0

 1997� De� L,21-24� |�� 23�� 105�� 1� |��� 1���� 3�� 0

 2001� NE� L,17-24� |��� 9���� 8�� 1� |��� 0���� 0�� 0

 2002� Cl� W,36-33� |��� 1��� -2�� 0� |��� 0���� 0�� 0

 2002� Te� L,31-34� |��� 3���� 6�� 0� |��� 0���� 0�� 0

--------------------+-----------------+-----------------

TOTAL�������������� |�� 99�� 329�� 4� |��� 5��� 13�� 0

 

 

Myth: "Jerome gives the Stillers the best threat in the backfield."�

Fact:� Duce Staley gives the Stillers the best threat in the backfield.� Staley is the better pass catcher, the better blocker, and the better runner against a blitzing, penetrating defense.�

 

 

Myth: "Jerome is a sure-fire Hall of Famer; a first-ballot shoe-in."�

Fact:� Emmitt Smith will probably retire the same year as Fatboy Bettis.� When the two names go to the Hall of Fame voters, one will dominate the other, and that name will quite obviously be Emmit Smith.�� The Fatboy will get other chances, but Curtis Martin and Marshall Faulk will easily get more votes than The Tubber. Then there's Vinny Testerverde.� He'll be eligible around the same time as The Doughboy, and if you look at stats -- which is what the Bettis lovers love to do -- Vinny has the 7th most passing yards in NFL history and continues to add to his stats.��

 

 

Myth: According to Ted Bouchette in the Dec. 13 PG Insider, "No one's calling Bettis the fat boy lately."

Fact:� This here writer has done so lately, and will continue to do so.�

 

In summation, stash away the blind, petty pride and the apron strings to your worn out Bettis jersey.� Take Bettis for what he is -- an overweight, out of shape, over burgeoning, playoff-flopping Doughboy.  As I've noted twice in the infamous Deck of Cards, the true enemies -- either thru outrageous cap hit, poor play, incompetence, or a combination thereof -- are those who literally stand in the way of what could otherwise be a championship season.� Rest assured, Dougbhoy Bettis, is, along with Bilbo Cowher, one of those obstacles.� See me in January.�

 

(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- the only nationally read coverage on the Pittsburgh Stillers that has accurately predicted the how's and the why's of the past 3 Stiller playoff losses�.)