The GilDong Report� (Game #3, vs. Cinci)
In light of many a fan being bamboozled and ga-ga over Jason Gildong�s 11 sacks in �98 --- despite only 2 being anywhere near "earned sacks" --- I�ve devoted considerable time the past 2 seasons to monitor the work of the exceptionally average Jason Gildon. Gildon, as you may recall, hoodwinked enough voters in �00 to be voted in to a reserve spot in the Pro Bowl.� Jason has been famous enough with his coverage sacks, flop sacks, the QB-slipped-on-the-wet-turf sacks, the OT totally forgot his blocking assignment sacks, and so on, that the NFL designated a new statistic, called the "Dong Sack�", in honor of Jason Gildong. (Some fantasy football leagues are incorporating this into their point systems.) Again in '01, I'll take time to expose Jason Gildon for the fraud that he truly is.
Gildon, coming off a supposed �pro bowl� season, had yet another weak, no-impact game against the Cinci Bengals last week.� His season is rounding into such true form, that the weekly report is getting easier and easier to compile, because for the first 3 games of �01, all Big Jason has done is serve as a spectator while the rest of his teammates swarm to the ball, fight off blockers, harass the QB, punish ballcarriers, and other assorted chores that defensive players are SUPPOSED to be doing in the National Football League.
This week�s GilDong Report might be the easiest I�ve ever had to compile in my 2-plus years of doing it.� Big Jason, the so-called �pro bowler�, finished the Bengal game with 1 solo and zero assists.
Here was Big Jason�s one and only solo stop.� On the Bengals� 2nd series, the Bengals faced a 3rd and 4 from deep in their own territory.�� Kitna hit backup TE Marco Battaglia on a little 2-yard out pass, with Battaglia running parallel to the LOS and having no momentum.� Battagli made the catch about 2 yards from the sideline, and therefore had very little room to maneuver.� Big Jason was in coverage, and had an easy angle, and an easy-as-pie play to stop Battaglia short of the sticks.� Of course, Gildon -- never one with a penchant for good, hard-nosed tackling -- nearly botched the play, weakly grabbing high at Marco�s shoulder pads and jersey.� Marco nearly slipped away and got the first down, but luckily he was so close to the sideline that Gildon was able to barely nudge him out of bounds.��
That was it for the entire game.�� Big Jason, the budding pro bowler and fire-breathing monster, did absolutely NOTHING the rest of the game.�� NOTHING.��� No hitting, no harassment, no pressure, no nothing.�� The official attendance at the first regular season game at Heinz Field should officially be upped by 1, to account for Big Jason, who was a spectator the entire day.�� In fact, it could be argued that Rooney should have charged Big Jason the standard single-game ticket price for the spectating Jason did the entire day against the Bengals.�
Of course, as in any game that Big Jason is involved in, there are a host of plays that Gildon is involved with -- as a spectator, of course -- that show his complete ineptitude and his lack of desire, guts and hitting.��
The first -- and most hilarious -- play was on a 1st & 10 from the Cinci 23 at 5:40 of the 1st quarter.�� Dillon ran a toss sweep to his right side.�� On this play, Big Jason was lined out wide on that side, over the slot receiver, Peter Warrick.� At the snap, the ball was pitched to Dillon.� Warrick, the rugged, roadgrading behemoth that he is, fired off the ball and proceeded to solo-block Big Jason Gildon.��� Gildon, rather than tossing the little runt of a receiver aside like yesterday�s trash, ended up titty-fighting with Warrick, and then doing this absurd 360-degree spin away from Lil� Peter, in order to disengage.� As Jason was getting bullied by Lil� Peter, Corey Dillon was cruising by the bumbling Gildon for an easy 7-yard gainer.� This is exactly the kind of play that a starting LB in the NFL should be able to stuff for no gain, or minimal yardage.� It�s a slap in the face to any linebacker for an offense to think so little of you that they assign only a WR to solo-block you, allowing them to use other blockers to block real defenders.
On the first Cinci play after the Stewart-Amos fumble, at 13:42 of the 3rd quarter, Dillon ran the ball up right tackle.�� TE Tony McGee easily and thoroughly manhandled Big Jason, caving in the studly �pro bowler� way to the inside, thereby creating a mammoth hole for Dillon to saunter through for 13 yards.� Luckily for Big Jason, two flags were thrown away from the play, thus negating the gain.�� LG M. O�Dwyer was flagged for holding KenBell 12 yards downfield, and Warrick was whistled for holding a CB way to the right of the play.�
Then there�s the TD pass to FB L. Neal late in the game.�� This was the kind of play that the casual fan will see once, and not even notice the weak meekness of Jason Gildon and will not realize why this play worked so easily.� Big Jason was lined up as a �down� defensive end on this play.�� At the snap, the OT over Jason blocked down on the DT, leaving Jason to pounce out of his stance with nobody touching him at all.� Neal, the FB, came right AT Jason, and GilDong, being the pansy that he is, literally went out of his way to sidestep Neal rather than blasting the piss out of him.� (Remember, Neal is 5-11�, 240, and Big Jason is 6-3�, 255.)� As Jason sidestepped Neal, he had a straight approach toward the QB, Kitna, who was doing a min-roll to his right.� But instead, Big Jason once again sidestepped any contact, and danced around tailback Corey Dillon, a man Gildon outweighs by some 30 (thirty) pounds.�� With all of this pathetic dancing, Kitna had an easy passing lane to complete the out-pass to Neal for the TD.�� Rest assured, this isn�t the first time an offense has exploited Jason in this exact manner.� This exact play has occurred several times in the past 2-3 seasons, because teams know that Jason is too much of a pansie to apply direct heat on a QB doing that mini-roll.��
Pass pressure from Big Jason?�� Ha!�� Facing RT Willie Anderson, Gildon didn�t sniff Kitna the entire day.�� Had Big Jason been holding a javelin, he still never would have never touched Kitna, because he either was ridden wide while trying the Wide Loop Rush� (WLR) around the Horn of Africa, or stymied at the line of scrimmage doing his feeble, feminine titty-fighting with an offensive blocker.�
In sum, yet another typically pathetic, soft, no-impact, no-production day from Big Jason GilDong.� As I�ve already stated, with the emergence of Joey Porter as a true stud at OLB, and the rapid emergence & development of KenBell, it�s readily apparent that GilDong is, without question, the 4th best starting LB on this team.�� And, because Clark Haggans is no slouch and Mike Jones is a competent vet, it�s not unreasonable to think that Big Jason might very well be the 6th best LB on this team.��
Season to date totals for Jason, in 3 games:
Earned Sacks: 0
Dong Sacks�:� 1
Strips, Jars, fumbles caused: 0