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Hard Hat Award (Game #15, @ Tenn.)

December 23, 2008 by Still Mill

Hard Hat Award (Game #15, @ Tenn.) 

No one is the winner of the weekly Hard Hat Award, given to the Stiller player who best embodies the iron-tough, hard-as-steel attitude of the steel workers inside the blast furnace of a still mill.


In a matchup against the 12-2 Titans to determine the AFC�s #1 playoff seed, the entire Stillers roster fell flat on its face with a gutless, weak-assed performance.


In fact, this week, a new award will be handed out instead, called the �Soft Cap� Award, given to the Stiller player who least embodies the iron-tough, hard-as-steel attitude of the steel workers inside the blast furnace of a still mill and instead embodies the combined toughness of a French pastry chef and a pro golfer. 


Among the nominees for this typically uncoveted award:


- MaxiPad Starks, who was a useless as a used tampon, continually getting beaten off the corner on the pass rush and doing little in run blocking. 


- Fat Casey Hampton, who did absolutely NOTHING the entire afternoon.  NOTHING.   Matter of fact, this fat tub o� lard was literally held off the scoresheet, not even getting a simple, single solo or assist in a game in which the opposing offense plunged the ball between the tackles at least 27 times. 


- James �Taunto� Farrior, the rabid over pursuer, who was a complete turd the entire ballgame.  Among Taunto�s plethora of boners: 


            - horrible over-pursuit -- which happened ALL game long -- on Johnson in the 1Q, 8 yard run.

            - totally lost in coverage, late 1Q, McCareins 13-yard grab. 

            - poor overpursuit of White up RT in 2Q, 6 yards.           

            - rabid overpursuit of Johnson up LT in 2Q, 11 yards

            - Next play, slow and  feeble on Crumpler�s 9-yard reception.

            - mauled to a point 8 yards off the LOS on a 3d & 5 draw play early in the 3Q that gained 4.9 yards.  

            - Weakassed whiff n� flail on White�s TD run on 1st play of 4Q.

            - Weak paw of blocker on Johnson�s 9-yard run, negated by holding by another blocker

            - Shoved aside on run blitz, White 11-yard run

            -  rabid overpursuit of White on 3d & 3 in 4Q; White gains an easy 8 yards

            - White easily rumbled through Taunto�s weakassed tackling attempt, 2:45 4Q. 


- Larry Slow-a-Foote, who had a shitty game as well.  He had a weak whiff n� flail of Crumpler after a short catch, turning 1 yard into 11 in the 2Q.  He had another whiff, this time on the backup TE, Scaife, in the 3Q that turned 3 yards into 9 on 2nd & 5.  It was Foote that was totally fooled and bamboozled on the 4th & 1 quickie-pitch.  When you have a starting ILB -- on a defense that is DESIGNED to funnel tackles to the ILBs -- make a whopping 2 solos all game long, you know he�s a strong candidate for the Soft Cap award. 


- Ryan Clark, who was a total puddle of puke the entire game.   Complete, ugly, shitladen pile of vomit.   Let�s recount Clark�s shitty day: 


            - He was juked out of his jock and turned around like a top by Gage on a corner-post route, which Gage hauled in for a 34-yard TD.  We constantly are bombarded with bullshit babble from the media about what a great pass defender Clark is.  What a farce.  This was as shitty as you can play this route at the NFL level. 

            - On Johnson�s TD run, Clark was in good position to stop the play or force Johnson to cut or stutter, but instead, like a total pussy, he TURNED HIS BACK to the blocker (a FB), and Johnson cruised right by for the easy TD.  We haven�t seen as gutless and cowardly a play since Jason GilDong roamed the gridiron.  

            - Soon later, he clumsily stumbled into the receiver in the EZ, which should have been ruled PI on the play where a flag was thrown but then ridiculously picked up

            - He then spent most of the 4th quarter on his back -- just like last week -- with Lendale White trucking him over and over again.  Clark talks all sorts of bullshit bravado, but then, when it�s time to put up or shut up, he either fags out and turns his back, or he gets run over like a freight train over a bump. 


- Ike Taylor, who had a long day as well.  He was abused by Gage on a deep in for 26 yards.  He was later tooled by Gage for 21 yards on 3d & 8 in the 3Q.  On the 4th and 1, Ike ventured into the backfield and had Johnson dead to rights for either a loss or no gain, but like a complete faggott he was as erect and upright as a giraffe in heat, which caused him to slip and fall, allowing Johnson to slash right by and into the EZ.  You need to BREAK DOWN on this kind of play, not stand upright like Herman Munster.  


After intense deliberation, The Committee voted, and The Soft Cap winner is none other than��Ryan Clark, also known as �Mister Backturner�.  The turning of his back to a FB on the game-winning touchdown run proved to be too much for the other candidates to overcome, er, undercome, as it were. 


It bears repeating that there is almost always -- if not always -- a strong correlation between the number of players in consideration for the Hard Hat, and if the team won or lost.  Simply put, Hard Hat kind of football leads to victory; pansy football (a term used here long before Troy Pola popularized it) leads to defeat.  Given the poor effort and toughness this past Sunday, it should come as no surprise that the Stillers got whipped.  


Kudos to no one for winning the Hard Hat Award.  Don�t wear the Hard Hat proudly, fellas. 


Previous 2008 Hard Hat Winners:


Week 1, vs. Houston: Willie Parker and LeMarr Woodley                                   

Week 2, @ Clev: Keyaron Fox and Jamie Harrison

Week 3, @ Phil: Troy Polamalu

Week 4, vs. Balt: Jamie Harrison and LeMarr Woodley

Week 5, @ Jax:  Ben Roethlisberger

Week 6, @ Cinci:  Mewelde Moore

Week 7, vs. NY Giants: Aaron Smith and Brett Keisel

Week 8, @ Skins: Byron Leftwich and Jared Retkofsky

Week 9, vs. Colts: Jamie Harrison

Week 10, vs. Chargers:  Jamie Harrison and Gary Russell

Week 11, vs. Bengals:  Aaron Smith

Week 12, @ NE Pats:  Jamie Harrison

Week 13, vs. Dallas: Troy Polamalu and Jamie Harrison

Week 14, @ Ravens: Hines Ward


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