Stillers Don�t Need Bettis

The recent outpouring of foolhardy fawning over The Tubby Tailback, Jerome Bettis, has reached ridiculous enough proportions that this writer feels the need to once again remind Stiller fans why The Tubbo needs to be sent packing.

Bettis pandered to the media during a visit to Houston, babbling and rambling in a clever CYA effort, which, for a lardback like Bettis, is a hefty task indeed.

"This is a situation where money does not go into the equation," Bettis said.� Oh, sure, money doesn�t go into the equation.� Sure, Jerome -- let�s be imbeciles and ignore the salary cap.� And, what the hell � Bettis has already made his tens of millions, so of course money isn�t that big a deal anymore.� And who needs a large salary when there are opportunities galore for extra paychecks from Giant Eagle and other Pittsburgh businesses that are willing to pay The Bus to peddle their goods?�

On babbled Bettis, �When you have a championship-caliber football team, you want to give the young running back an opportunity to develop, not just throw him in there. You need a running game to produce for you. I don't care what first-round guy you get, our running game is not like a college running game. To ask him to come in in Week 1 and be ready to take it 25-30 times and to be really productive, you're asking a lot."

No, no one�s asking a lot.� It�s a proven fact that RB is, by far, the easiest position for rookies to assimilate.� Year in and year out, rookie RBs enter the league and perform exceptionally well.�� They don�t need all of this absurd time to �develop�.� Running the football is based on talent & instinct, and if a RB has it, he won�t need 12 games of coddling in order to perform at an acceptable level.�

Want some examples?�� Clinton Portis joined the Broncos, a team that already had former 1,000 yard rushers Mike Anderson and Terrell Davis.� All Portis did as a rookie was rush for 1508 yards and grab 33 passes.� While Portis didn�t have �25-30 rushes per game�, when you�re gaining 5.5 yards a crack, you don�t need 30 carries like the 3.3 yards per carry fatback named Jerome Bettis.� Ladanian Tomlinson rushed for over 1200 yards as a rookie and also grabbed 59 passes, all the while averaging 21 carries per game.� Marcus Allen won the Rookie of the Year award when he joined the Raidas.� The list goes on and on and on and on.� Rookie RBs are perfectly able to carry the load, despite any bullshit blather you might hear from a self-serving fatso like Jerome Bettis.�

Speaking of bullshit blather, Ron Cook had more of the same in his article in today�s Post Gazette.� �Jerome Bettis has made it easy for the Steelers by being willing to take a pay cut,� writes Cook.� Sorry, Ron -- the time to take a pay cut was 2 or 3 years ago, not now.�� We�re beyond pay cuts.� This is about cleaning house; clearing away the dead wood; and getting the ship righted in a crisp, expedient manner.�

�He remains the undisputed team leader,� claims Cook.� �His teammates don't just respect and adore him, they're inspired by him.�� Oh, ok, now I see.� The players were so inspired by The Fat Back that they played some of the most inspirational ball the NFL has ever seen, en route to a horrid 6-10 season.� Team leader?� I�ve done an awful lot of reading on leadership, and I�ve often read about �leading by example�.� Showing up to camp each year as bloated and fat as the Michelin Man is leading by example?�� Then, piling on weight as the season goes on is considered �inspirational leadership�?� Sorry, Ron -- that kind of leadership (sic) is precisely what this sorry, underachieving team does not need, not from Bettis, not from GilDong, not from any supposed �team leader�.� Sitting out of most of camp every summer because he�s too fat and out of shape hardly commands the �respect� and �adoration� that Cooks fawns over.� Cook apparently knows little about leadership, so here�s a clue for him: the total lack of leadership from these supposed �team leaders� (Bettis, GilDong) is an immense reason why a team with 11-win talent and virtually zero injuries wallowed around in such a pathetic 6-10 season.

�He won't cause a problem if he's not the starter,� claims the dimwitted Cook.� That�s actually the biggest problem.� While Bettis himself may not forcibly cause a problem, his mere presence with a head coach like Billy Cowher causes an immense problem.� When a baby is irritated, he reaches for the pacifier.� When Billy Cowher feels his anus puckering and the apple lodged in his throat, he reaches for his pacifier, and that pacifier�s name is Doughboy Bettis.� Cowshit did that this past season when he benched Amoz -- who was forced to run behind a horrible O-line featuring Turnstile Fordham and a clearly hampered K. Simmons -- and went to his 3.3 yards/carry one-dimensional pacifier, Fatboy Bettis, who fared no better than Amoz despite running behind a much better O-line.� Cowshit did this in the 2002 playoffs, benching a very effective Amoz so that The Fat Boy -- clearly hampered by injury and thoroughly out of shape after a long layoff -- could gain 8 yards on 9 carries in the AFC title game loss to New England.� Cowher is like the 2-pack-a-day smokaholic that is trying to quit smoking.� Leave a few packs of cigarettes lying around the house, and the smokaholic is bound to start smoking again.� The only way to overcome the temptation is totally eradicate the problematic substance from one�s environment.�

Bettis needs to be sent packing, so that Little Billy will finally rid himself of his favorite offensive pacifier.� If this doesn�t occur, we�re back to a 5-carry-per-game, 14-game apprenticeship for whichever rookie RB is drafted, along with total one-dimensionality at the RB spot, not to mention a pathetic 3.3 yards per carry in which the LardBack gets toppled as easy as a toddler.���

It comes down to goals and objectives.� If you�re content as a team to �get by� with a 9-win season and 1 playoff win, the team can easily do so by retaining the overly satisfied, wholly underproductive likes of Chris Hoke, Kendrick Clancy, Jason GilDong, Burnt Al;expander, DeWayne Washington, Charred Scott, and FatBoy Bettis.� If the objective is to win a championship, dead wood needs to be cleared and replaced with players who bring vigor, hunger, motivation, and ambition to the gridiron.�

This should be a very easy choice. �Get rid of the expensive, one-dimensional, over-the-hill pacifier, and replace it with a younger, hungrier, more versatile, more effective model.�

(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- the only nationally read coverage on the Pittsburgh Stillers that has accurately predicted the how's and the why's of the past 3 Stiller playoff losses�.)