Colbert Humps the Dog with 3-year deal of Fat Hampton

 

In a move that defies all belief and logic, Stillers GM Kev Colbert today lavished Fat Casey Hampton with a 3-year deal.  The fatty deal, worth $21.3M, includes a signing bonus of $6.5M. 

 

This was an utterly ghastly, assaholic signing of fattyopic proportions.  Hampton will be 33 come the 2010 season, and armed with this fatty new contract, will be every bit as blubbery and chubby as he has ever been, if not more.  

 

Colbert wasn’t around the last time the Stillers signed an aging, fat-assed nose tackle, so let me explain thing for the idiot Colbert.   Fat Joel Steed was lavished with a similar deal back in 1998.   At the time, GM Tom Donahoe was terrified at the prospect of playing even asingle game without the great, irreplaceable Joel Steed.   A year later, Steed was wallowing around like a complete pile of shit.  His excessive weight placed an enormous burden on hias already wobbly knees, and he was as worthless as a used prophylactic.   Fat Steed was out of pro football after the ’99 season, and the Stillers were saddled with his salary cap hit for another 2 years.  

 

There’s a lot of absurd crowing and fawning over Hampton.    He used to be a legitimate force.   Now, he’s a legitimate farce.   Rarely ever does he require a DOUBLE team block from the opponent; he very easily can be neutralized by ONE blocker.   He gets pooped and exhausted after only a few plays, and wilts in heat like a wallflower.  Teams that like throwing the ball get an 11-on-10 advantage when FatAss is in the game, as he does absolutely nothing in terms of passer harassment or pass coverage.  

 

Hampton supposedly is the irreplaceable deity on the Stiller defense.  Supposedly, according to the local media experts, the team CANNOT even compete, much less come close to winning, if Fat Casey is not in the lineup.  Yet, in 2004, which was THE greatest regular season in Stiller history, Mister Fat Ass missed 10 games.  Seldom used greenhorn Chris Hoke -- who, prior to that season, had never played in a single NFL game -- started 10 games at NT that season.   The Stillers went 15-1, and went UNDEFEATED with Hoke in the starting lineup.   So much for the bullshit fallacy about how important Fat Ass Hampton is to winning. 

 

In short, this was an assaholic move; perhaps the very worst of the Colbert era.  (Worse, even, than the ass-humping decision to lavish Farrior with a long-term deal.)  A simple 1-year deal with the “tag”, while not cheap, would have sufficed.  I actually wasn’t in favor of pissing away $7M for a 1-yaer deal with Fatty, but I reckon I could have lived with it.   Tying up 3 years with a fat-assed, overweight player who is rapidly arcing DOWNWARDS in his skills, athleticism, and conditioning, is a jackassed move, plain and simple. 

 

 

 

Still Mill and Stillers.com -- “When it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….”