Bullshittin’
Billy Blows My Mind! By
PalmerSucks
Wow, and I thought Bill Cowher picking the Stillers to
finish no better than third in the division took the cake… but no, the
Cowchipper goes one better and does something that REALLY knocks me out!
Apparently, Turtle-Ball Bill, aka “The Man Who Pussied Out
and Kicked a Field Goal Down Two Scores in the AFC Championship Game” has a
problem with – get this! – the Stillers’ overly conservative play calling late
in the 4th quarter of Saturday Night’s game.
Is this some kind of Bizarre-o World, you know, where
everything is all opposite and upside down? Kind of like Stalin saying he had a
problem with the next regime killing too many dissidents or something. Worse,
it may be a sign of the Apocalypse!
Specifically, here’s what the bullshitter had to say:
"When you look
at this game, they (the Steelers) came back from 18 points down, get to a
one-point lead ... third down and six -- a first down and you win the game --
and they run a quarterback sweep with Ben," Cowher said, with an
incredulous tone, during CBS' "The NFL Today" show Sunday.
Talk about upping the Bovine Fecal Matter Index to new
heights. This must be some kind of record!
Incredulous?
Why, Coach, why? After all, this is
exactly the kind of sphincter-clenching fun you treated us to for a good 15
years. What happened to the man we all knew and loved, the guy who never met a
clock he didn’t milk? Field chicken, studio hawk? Say isn’t so Coach!
You should’ve taken a cue from Collier over there ‘at the
P-G, who explained, by golly, that this very play worked like a charm in
practice! I mean, if the scout scrubs
can’t stop it, why should we expect the Jaguars to do any better?
Man – you know
things are bad when Bill Cowher is on
your case for being too conservative.
Not that there’s much to be grateful for after a loss like
this, but apparently the call was Arians’s idea, not Tomlin’s. A coordinator is one thing, but -- let’s just
hope this isn’t the head guy’s philosophy, this little display of crawl ball,
and that he’ll learn from this.
Because if there’s one thing that depressed me more than
losing, it was how the Stillers lost.
You see, I had thought this whole puckered-ass approach departed with the last
guy – but no, there it was, on full display for everyone to gag on last
Saturday.
All that drunken goodbye celebration last spring – was it
for nothing?
Anyway, back to the game. There’s a difference between
playing things safe and playing them scared
– and in fact, it wasn’t just the third-down play that blew, it was the whole
sorry-ass series.
First down in that spot is just begging for a little play
action. And it doesn’t have to go deep either (though I bet if you’d sent one
guy long he’d have been painfully wide open!). There are plenty of safe, high-percentage passes you could run in this situation.
A fake then a quick dump to Miller is practically stealing
yards here, with the Jags all stacked up, and it’s low enough on the risk chart
that even ol’ Billy might not break a sweat.
Same thing with a quick shot to Ward on a screen – why not
spread them out here? Whatever, I’m sure you could come up with plenty of
better plays yourself.
Instead, the Stillers run a little plunge on first, and –
wouldn’t you know! – it gets enough yards to make them feel all happy about repeating
it. After that one flops comes the dumb play of the year – though let me stress
the “Arians Abortion” in fact was a killing of triplets.
Want to know the best part about Saturday Night’s game? I never thought it was over with the Stillers
down 18. I did, however, have a feeling the team was doomed
after that series – with the team up
a point.
The more things change… once again, the Stillers let the
worst-balanced team in the playoffs slide by them. ’94 Chargers anyone? The Jags
are yet another team built to lose in the post-season – in fact, they remind me
of most of Cowher’s teams. And there’s
no excuse for losing to such squads – not in the playoffs, anyway.
Note to Coach: getting all scared of your Franchise QB and
turning him into a third-rate RB is no way to win a championship. File for future reference.
And as for you, Bullshittin’ Bill, thanks for providing some
badly needed comic relief after such a tough loss. Who says you’re not still looking out for your boys?
The
views of PalmerSucks are not necessarily those of Stillers.com – but should be.