Stillers 3, Miami 0   ………. Nov. 26, 2007 …………Game # 11

 

Stillers-Dolphs Postgame Analysis and Grades

 

The Pittsburgh Muddhens hosted the Dolphs on MNF at the Heinz Cow Pasture, which had ridiculously had new sod simply tossed down on the old grass just 2 nites ago.  A deluge of rain delayed the start of the game and turn the Cow Pasture into a verifiable swamp.  The Muddhens, coming off 2 entirely lackluster performances, laid another egg in a sleepy, lethargic, uninspired effort against a hapless 0-10 team amidst the fight for the division and the AFC’s #2 seed.   Fortunately, Reed booted a 24-yard FG with 17 seconds remaining to end this ugly slopfest. 

 

Grades:

 

QB:  Benji started off slowly, as usual, misfiring to a wide open Hines on his 1st pass.   Then, later on the 1st drive, Ben scrambled to his right, and with plenty of room and time, he threw what turned out to be a weak-assed, hideous, pile o’ shit out-pass to Ward that was weak and low, and picked off by Schmoey Porter.   Words cannot describe the utter stench and hideousness of this pass, and it reminded me all too much of the Brett Favre GIMME sack to Strahan a few years back that gave Strahan the NFL sack record.  I’m certainly not saying Benji gave this INT to Porter, but for crying out loud, it was absolutely putrid.  Benji caught fire, of sorts, as the game wore on, and completed 86% of his passes (a Stiller record!) while snapping off some crisp completions in the 4Q to put the team in chippie FG range.  Overlooked by most was the asinine, totally jack-assed HOLD-ONTO the ball on the last play from scrimmage, just before the Reed FG.   Here they are, in chippie FG range with 1 minute remaining in the game, and it’s THIRD down & goal at the Miami 5 in the midst of a SWAMP.   If nothing is open, FLING the ball into the bleachers, McFly !!!  You don’t risk the strip or the forced fumble that deep, and that late, in a tie game where the chippie FG can win the game.  Really, this was every bit as stupid and brainless as the late scramble by Kent Graham in the Fiasco in Cleveland back in ’99.     This blunder goes right along with Ben’s fascination, ever since the Clev game 2 weeks ago, of holding onto the ball the way a toddler holds onto a doll or the way an infant clutches onto a pacifier.    “The Pacifiier”, Benji’s new nickname, has got to rid himself of this newfound fetish, and quickly.   B.  

 

RB:  Parker obviously found the footing difficult, although he did manage to rip off some nice runs.  On the game’s 2nd series, he ripped off two nice 9-yard runs.  He also had some nice gainers late in the 3Q.  Willie finished with 81 yards on 24 carries and a whopping 1 catch for 8 yards.  Daven struggled like a bitch.   He had a measley 2 yards on 3 carries, and failed to get the first down on 2 short-yardage plunges.   Worse, he was flagged for a hold on Ward’s 19-yard reception in the 2Q, while blocking a CORNERBACK that was blitzing.   What a homo !!   Then, on the final play from scrimmage in the 4Q, he whiffed weakly in pass pro, which led to the harassment and flush of Benji.   Parker - A-.    Davenport -  D. 

 

FB: Kreider got the start at FB.  He had a nice lead block on Parker’s 8-yard run late in the 2Q.  He also had a good 15-yard reception off a valve dump in the2Q.  Davis had a solid gain of 9 yards on a screen in the 2Q.    B. 

 

WR:  Hines broke out of a funk with his best game of the season, slogging through the slop to haul in 9 passes for 88 yards.   (2 other grabs by Ward were negated by assoholic penalties.)   He made some clutch grabs on the game-wining drive.   Hines cleverly got away with a severe shove-off at the stem of his curl route that gained 4 yards on 3d & 3 in the 3Q, a shove that was, oh, about 7 times more severe than the one that Seattle’s D. Jackson was flagged for in SB 40 and of course is never flagged in the NFL.   Wilson had a couple grabs, including a good catch on a low throw early in the 1Q.  Nate had 1 grab for 6 yards.  With Holmes sitting out due to injury, Willie Reid was finally allowed to dress, and he caught a bubble screen late in the game for a 6-yard gain.    The group did well amidst the conditions.    A. 

 

TE:  Miller had a game he’d soon like to forget.  He caught zero passes, which is shabby enough, but not the depth of his ineptitude.  He committed a jackassed OPI penalty on a 3rd down conversion by Ward in the 3Q, and then was flagged for a lazy hold on a Parker 9-yard run late in the 4Q.  On a 3rd & 6 in the 3Q, Miller was beaten cleanly by a CORNERBACK, Allen, for a sack.  This, quite frankly, was one of the sorriest efforts I’ve seen all season.  Speath did nothing.    D. 

 

OL: The line had some ok plays, along with a host of gimpy, shoddy plays.  Marvel Smith sat out with a bad back, and Starks started at LT.  Starks did ok at times, often punching Jason Taylor around like a rag doll.  But Starks had a thoroughly poor recognition of a corner blitz by Allen in the 1Q, and foolishly helped Faneca block ONE rusher.  By the time MaxiPad realized the blitz was on, Allen had dashed by and stripped Ben of the ball.  KenDoll Simmons had a host of problems all game.  On the sack with 6:26 left in the 4Q, he was wheeled all the way back to the QB in putrid fashion.  Mahan was poor as piss on Ben’s 1-yard scramble in the 2Q, getting tooled badly by Porter’s inside rush.  As noted, a couple of the sacks were the direct cause of a TE or FB, and the sack late in the 2Q was a pure coverage sack.  The blocking was obviously a challenge at times, based on the swampy field, although defenders certainly had their problems in terms of planting, bullrushing, and so on.    B. 

 

DL:  The D-line played ok, although they were playing a weak-assed O-line and facing the weakest trio of RBs in the entire NFL.  Keisel had a good stick n’ stuff on the 1st series, and had a bat at the LOS in the 3Q.  Fat Casey Hampton finally did something, blowing up a ground play in the 2Q and forcing a 2-yard loss.   But, he was shoved aside rather easily in Chapman’s 10-yard burst up the gut from the Miami 7 in the 3Q.  Very poor.  It’s no wonder this guy’s play has plateaud, as he’s ballooned to epic proportions.  He made Keith Traylor look slim, and soon enough he’ll make Ted Washington look svelte.  Aaron Smith chipped in some.    B.

 

LB:  Some decent play, although again, it must be factored with the weak Miami O-line, the laughable trio of RBs, and the rookie QB making his 2nd career start.  Farrior and Foote snapped out of funks with some active, effective play.  Farrior laid the wood to Dicky Williams, which forced a fumble in the 2Q that Timmons recovered.  Foote slashed in to stuff some ground plays.  Footer also had a classic Dong Sack, stepping over the utterly pussyfied chop block attempt by Chapman in the 3Q.  Harrison had some stellar plays, and a poor one.   He fought through a block and helped attack Dicky on Farrior’s forced fumble.  He beat a lowly WR (Peelle) on a wide rush for a Dong Sack sack in the 4Q, although he blistered the QB with a superb hit and forced a fumble.  His poor play came on the Chapman 9-yard run early in the 3Q, taking a poor angle and drifting inside, which allowed Chapman to lumber around end for the easy gainer.  Haggans struggled immensely on successive plays in the 2Q.  He took an entirely foolish angle on Dicky’s 6-yard run.  Then, he was sealed in badly by Peelle on the reverse by Ginn.  Fortunately, Farrior stopped this for a short gain, but it was still a weak, lame-dick play by a veteran LB.     B. 

 

DB:  Again, facing a team with no rushing attack and a weak-assed passing attack that was “led” by a greenhorned rookie making his 2nd career start, I can’t fawn over the performance of the DBs.  Actually, they let numerous WRs wide open, but time and time again the Fin receivers dropped the ball or Beck misfired poorly.   Ty Carter started in place of Pola and led the defense with 11 solos.  He had a nice stick in the backfield on the 1st play of the 2H, and a good stick and wrap of Peelle on a 3rd down late in the 4Q.  Tony Smith put a god lick on Chapman at the end of the 10-yard run, which knocked Chappie from the game.  Ike had good coverage on the deep ball to Booker in the 3Q on 3rd & 16.  Of course, what Cameron and the idiot Fins failed to realize, is that you attack Ike deep on FIRST down, when he’s almost always biting on the play fake.   There’s not much for Ike to Bite on, on 3rd & 16.       B. 

 

Spec teams:  No major fiascos, but plenty of spottiness.   Sepulveda might be lauded by Tomlin and idiot media members for his pooch punting, but when looked at closer, his pooch punting sucked ass.   Here are the results of his POOCH punts from midfield or near midfield --

 

           - FC (fair catch) at 14, 31-yard punt

           - FC at 10, 38-yard punt

           - FC at 11, 39-yard punt

           - FC at 10, on 32-yard punt 

 

Sorry, but I don’t fawn and lavish praise on pile o’ shit shorty punts.   Now, if these punts were fair caught at the 6, or the 4, then I could applaud.   We all know that punts were not going to bounce high and roll far in The Bog -- one Miami punt actually plugged into the mud -- so this weak, lame, gutless punting doesn’t leave me giddy with delight.   Sepulveda did a have one solid punt, which hit and spun OOB at the 6 in the 3Q.  Rossum finally had a big punt return, racing 33 yards in the 2Q.  

 

Reed badly duck-hooked a FG in the 2Q, and quickly blamed it on the field.   Per the PG, “That kick taught Reed a lesson for his next one.  He said he took his normal stride on the miss and decided to take choppier steps on the winning kick.”   Is Reed a RETARD, a dumbass, or both ???     He's been kicking in the NFL and at Heinz Mud Bog since 2001….and it JUST dawned on him that, in bad weather, he should take SHORTER strides on his kick ????    What a stupidass!!!   And, fact is, Reed’s plant foot was 100% fine on that missed kick.  It was his kicking foot that severely scraped the ground before contacting the ball, and this boner is precisely what caused the duckhook.   Reed booted the easy 24-yarder to put the game’s lone points on the board. 

 

Davis had a good tackle on KO coverage in the 3Q.  Starks rumbled in to block the FG in the 4Q, although the play was nullified by a Miami DOG penalty.  Madison had a good read and tackle on the late KO coverage, stopping Ginn after he received a pitchout from an up-man.    B. 

 

OC:  No one at any site covering the Pittsburgh Steelers has been more critical of Bruce Arians than this one.  Arians didn’t let us down in the expectations department, with yet another vanilla, mindless, grab-bag game plan that could have just as easily been crafted by a 7th grader during study hall. 

 

     Yeah, sure, it was muddy and rainy.   So what??   Yer playing THE worst team in the NFL and one of the worst defenses.  At some point in time, you have to take advantage of the overwhelming talent, along with home field advantage (yes, home field advantage includes more than just the surface, of which the Stillers still had an advantage with that as well). 

 

     The guy was given GOLDEN field position the entire game, and all his offense could muster was 3 lousy points??  Gimme a break!   This ain’t the St. Louis “Greatest Show on Turf” with Warner, Bruce, Holt, and Az Hakim.   This Stiller offense is BUILT for this kind of weather, but they laid yet another egg against one of the worst defenses in the NFL.    And remember this -- in bad weather & field conditions, it is the offensive player that knows exactly where he is going to cut, not the defender that has to react to that cut. 

 

      A key problem is the rabid over fascination with the WhaleShit Counter.   You’d have thought the swampy conditions would have eradicated the WhaleShit Counter from tonite’s playbook, but stupid-assed Arians kept calling it anyway !!   The 4th & 1 Davenport run that was stuffed -- a WhaleShit Counter !   The play that Porter stopped for a 1-yard loss from the backside in the 3Q -- a WhaleShit Counter !  

 

      Late in the 3Q, the Stillers were starting to smash Miami in the mouth.  Parker ripped off runs of 9, 5, and 7 yards.  2nd down and 3, with Miami reeling from this smashmouth football, and WHERE is the play-action pass……?    Nowhere, because it doesn’t exist in the Arians playbook!!   You cannot pass unless from a SHOTGUN formation in the Bruce Arians playbook.   So, Miami stacks 9 men near the LOS, and stuffs both the 2nd & 3d down plunges to force the Reed FG that was wide left.  

 

      Lastly, there was the totally jackassed playcall on the late 3rd & goal at the 5, with just over 1:00 remaining in this tie game.   Miami had just called a TO, so there was plenty of time to go over the situation and the playcall.  The situation is simple -- you cannot, in any way, shape, or form, do something so asinine and risky so as to throw an INT or get stripped of the football.   So what does Asshole Arians call ??  A slow as shit play with Ward running a simple slant -- a play just begging for a tipped pass at the LOS, a deflected pass off Ward’s fingertips, or a clean pick by a desperate defense.  Or, the QB sitting in the pocket and getting STRIPPED of the football, which nearly happened.   Only 2 playcalls were acceptable in that situation -- either a plunge, or a fade route that has virtually zero chance of an INT, with strict orders to Ben to fling the ball into the bleachers if nothing is open.  Only by the grade of God was Ben not stripped on this fiasco of a play.  

 

      Arians finally took the cover off the no-huddle offense that he crowed about all summer, but that’s whipped cream on crap.   It’s ironic that Arians again showed his overt stupidity, on the same day that Chan Gayboy resigned from Ga. Tech.    Each coach is an absolute fool.     F.  

 

DC:  I don’t think any DC in the history of the NFL has had the outrageous luxury of facing, at least 40 times, greenhorned rookie QBs making their 1st or 2nd career start….as well as facing rushing attacks that have been decimated by injury.   Then, add a WR corps that couldn’t catch a beach ball tossed from 5 feet away, and you have a task as easy as pie.  

 

       Late in the 2Q, there was a massive coverage breakdown, with a 21-yard completion off a poor, low, underthrown pass by Beck that would have gone for 61 yards if the pass had been even mediocre. 

 

       The 4Q struggles, with this tie game on the line, were alarming.   Miami kept EIGHT men in to protect, meaning only 2 players went out for the pass, and the WR (Booker) was still WIDE OPEN for an easy 20-yard catch.  3 plays later, 7 men protected and only 3 men went out for a pass, and again, Miami played an easy game of pitch-and-catch for 21 yards.   All of these healthy gainers were right down the MIDDLE of the field.   With Chambers traded a few weeks ago, this has to be the worst WR corps in all of pro football, yet here they were, getting carved apart by a rookie QB.  The simpleton will fawn over a shutout; the astute realist will see that ugly warts still exist, in large quantities.      D. 

 

HC:  Tomlin talked a lot about how the team would come back from last week’s egg lay, but talk is cheap.  The team came out flat, flaccid, and meek.   Witness the Schmoey Porter INT on the game’s first drive.  Porter is tackled directly in front of the Stiller bench, and then gets up and taunts and whoops and prances in front of the entire team & staff.  How many Stiller players accosted asshole Porter ??   Answer:  ZERO.   In our house, not one player moved even one inch towards Porter to chase his sorry ass out of our bench area.   This kind of meek, uninspired play continued the entire game.   3 consecutive weak, meek games against weak opponents, at a time when a team should be gearing up for the playoff run.   Not good.      C-. 

 

Playing Surface:  I’d written an article 2 days ago, voicing my concerns over the overt stupidity of laying new sod just 40 hours before a game in late November.    Unfortunately, the Cow Pasture at Heinz Mud Bog was every bit the embarrassment, on national TV, that I’d feared it would be.  

 

     This site, and this site alone, has ridiculed and criticized the asinine combination of HIGH SCHOOL football and a GRASS field, all the way back since 2001.  

 

     Here’s an idea -- let’s have MORE football games and other events at Heinz Mud Bog !!   Let’s allow other local college teams to play there, to include Carnegie Mellon, Duquesne, and Robert Morris.  After all, it’s not fair that Pitt gets to play there and not their lesser NCAA brethren.   Let’s have monster truck races, moto-cross races, and punk rock concerts at Heinz Mud Bog !!  

 

     And, why stop with high school football?   Why not high school soccer, lacrosse, field hockey, rugby, and team handball??   Bottom line is that the Rooneys are complete jackasses for stubbornly insisting that every high school & junior high team have carte blanche access to a PROFESSIONAL team's football field, and THEN having the inane stupidity to refuse to install field turf on the damn thing.   And, on top of that, allowing some numbnut horticulturalist to concoct the idea of laying sod 30 hours before kickoff with rain clearly in the forecast.  And finally, too cheap to have a quality tarp that doesn’t leak !!     F- 

 

Synopsis:  This team seems to not have the slightest concern, but the reality is this --  three consecutive egg lays that should leave any rational person concerned.  This wasn’t the total, collective egg lay of the Jets game, but it was an egg lay nonetheless.   You’re a playoff-bound team playing an 0-10 team, at home, and it shouldn’t matter if the game is played in mud, sleet, snow, or a tsunami --- you should rather handily maul that weak opponent and wear them down and then issue the beating.   I don’t see much intensity, nor do I see the slightest glint of innovation or adjustments on either side of the ball.   What this team did on offense and defense in September hasn’t changed one bit….but every opponent has seen the films and has adjusted.   There hasn’t been an adjustment in weeks and at this rate, I’m not quite sure we’ll see one.  Next up, the Bengals, which is by no means a gimme game given the slop this Stiller team has shown the past 3 weeks 

 

 

(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)