The top 10 reasons why Ken turned down the Raiders

By Still Chas

            In heaving a huge sigh of relief over the word that Art Shell had been offered and accepted the top coaching job with the Oakland Raiders for his second term, I wondered what had happened with Stillers Offensive Whiz Ken Whisenhunt. You see, I live where Stillers headlines are rarely headlines, so it’s a search and destroy process each time I long for the true news.

           
        It only made sense to me when I learned that the Stillers Head O guy would rather stay right where he is. In fact, I can think of 10 good reasons why:

10. From the ‘Burgh to Oakland, CA – Movin’ on up? I think not.

  9. From the Rooney family to Oakland owner Al Davis? Is there enough money?

  8. From being surrounded by some Stillers fans with painted faces to a sea of paint and various S&M accessories with what we suspect may be humans hidden somewhere underneath? Again, is there enough money?

   7. From three friendly rivers to a tempestuous bay full of steroid-powered baseballs and a penitentiary with bird men among the menagerie? “Water” we doin’ here?

   6. From a state where government graft is understood and time-honored to one where the Governator still thinks he’s bulldozing the bad guys?  Dream on.

   5. To become the latest in the line known as the Order of the Madden? Why be reduced to running the offense for a video version of Randy Moss?

    4. Randy Moss.

    3. From 15-5 to 4-12? Only the generosity of Houston and New Orleans kept the Raiders from a tie to lead all cellar dwellers.

    2. Randy Moss.

            And the number one reason why Ken Whisenhunt chose to stay in Pittsburgh rather than go to Oakland:

1.     He couldn’t take The Bus.

Love ya, Ken.  See ya soon.