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Stillers-Seahawks Postgame Report & Grades

October 27, 1999 by Still Mill


Stillers-Seahawks Post-game analysis:

This was just what the doctor ordered -- a good old fashioned whipping to bring this team back to reality. They had the luxury of feasting on 2 poorly coached, subpar teams in Cleve and Balt. Lots of pimples were evident, but glossed over with the gaudy 2-0 record. Now, with the whipping administered by an average Seahawks team, hopefully some of the problems might be addressed & corrected some time this season. In all, the stench emanating from 3 Rivers today was smelled as far away as Monongahella, PA.


QB: Stewart stunk like owl shit during his stint that lasted only thru the 1st half. His throwing was erratic and fluttery. Never once in the entire half did he physically throw the ball further about 20 yards downfield. He threw 3 INTs, all on hideous passes (though the 1st was a semi-catchable pass that deflected off of Blackie's hand). He got happy feet on the 3d INT when he threw an inexcusable high floater. The early QB sneak was, just like the Cleve. game, snuffed when Stewart hopped, rather than burrowed, for the 1st down. Mike Prozac came in and threw 2 more INTS, but did complete a garbage-time TD late in the game on a nice lofted throw to Troy. F.

RB: Just like last week, The Bus was bottled up the entire day, gaining only 39 yards on a meager 11 rushes, and 20 of that was on 1 carry. Hunt had a few good rushes, adding some dash and zest to an otherwise slow, stagnant offense. Wittman blocked so-so, and had no carries or balls thrown his way. B.

WR: The WR crew didn't do much today. Troy led the way with 6 grabs, and HAwk 5, but it was almost entirely all on piddly little short stuff. Will Jackwell, the man drafted in the 2d round 3 years ago to be a deep threat, again wore the collar with ZERO catches. Worse, the simpleton failed to haul in a shabby but catchable pass that was a lil' behind him on a crossing route, and the ensuing deflection was INT'd and returned for a TD before the game's 1st beer could be quaffed. C.

TE: Breuner had, for him, a career day, getting 3 catches. Still, they were all little short stuff. One deepish flag was thrown by Kordell to Breuner, but was nearly INT'd. The blocking was ok. B.

OL: Picking up where they left off last week, the o-line allowed more leakage than a colander. Running plays were continually disrupted with heavy penetration. Pass plays were disrupted by shoddy protection. Leading the way in the malodor was Brendan PigStai, who did nothing but wallow around the entire day with head implanted up ass. Stewart's fumble was directly caused by a lazy-as-sin help-block by Stai. Stai also committed a false start on 3d & 3, and the 3rd INT was somewhat a result of Stai getting whipped by his man, which gave Stewart happy-feet. Stai was not alone, of course. Dawson bogged down a running play by literally having his fat ass in the way of the ballcarrier, and also was penalized for an illegal snap. Gandy was bullrushed so badly on 1 sack, it appeared he was standing on ice wearing dress shoes. Anthony "Skates" Brown played like manure. Faneca committed a false start on 4th & 4. Some of this lousy play, of course, is a direct effect of our entire offensive scheme, but still, the play was totally unacceptable. D-.


DL: The run stuffing was a bit soft, allowing Dicky Watters some massive holes to run thru. Worse, they did an overall poor job of keeping men off of Kirkland. The pocket-push was nonexistent. Henry had a couple nice plays, and Roye had the quick sack and strip. Harrison, the China Doll, got hurt on the 1 decent play he made all day. B-.

LB: Kirkland was a bit quiet today, getting only 2 solo stops and 5 total. It seemed like Seattle was consistently able to get a body or 2 on him. Holmes led all Stillers with 12 solos and 14 total. The Pitter Pat Brothers, Gildon and Emmons, were a big ZERO in the pass rush department. They only rarely harassed Kitna, and that was when they were left unblocked. Otherwise, they didn't sniff Kitna the entire game. Very poor. Their run stuffing was ok. Porter got a lil' PT but did nothing. B.

DB: The secondary looked terribly lethargic and soft today. Chad Scott won the Parkay Award today for his soft-as-margarine play in all phases of the game. He did have 9 tackles, but was beaten often, whether on soft 13-yard cushions or deep downfield. DeWayne was beaten on a deep bomb as well. Davis had a good strip that we recovered, but otherwise offered no more assistance than a policeman on break at the Dunkin' Donut Shoppe. Davis has yet to help break up a pass play downfield. Shields was also beaten a couple times. C.

Spec Teams: The spec teams were special today -- they were 'specially awful. Josh outkicked his coverage, and then consecutive misses by Simmons, Chad Smelsay, Fiala, and Josh allowed Rogers to go 94 yards for the TD. The play of the spec teams is rife with a lot of softness and very little helmet-cracking and shoulder pad-blasting. Brown booted a a 33-yard FG, and his KOs were decent. His 2 onsides KOs, however, were thoroughly poor. Will Jackwell had a couple ok KO returns. D+.


Offensive Coord: It's only 3 weeks into the season, but I've already had it up to my ears with Kevin Gaypride. The man is nothing but a bald-faced liar. We heard all this bullshit starting back in mini-camp about "how we're going to go downfield," and about "how every pass play has at least 1 man going deep", and about "how we're going to stretch the field", blah blah blah. This is all pure, unadulterated bullshit so far. Not once in the 1st half did Stewart throw further than 20 yards downfield, which failed to surpass his longest attempt in the entire Baltimore game. Every frigging pass play is a little dump off on a crosser or a hitch for 6-8 yards. There were some plays, shown on replay, where NO ONE was further than 10-12 yards downfield. The Nickel and Dime Offense -- which Gaypride has simply stolen from Gay Ray and called his own -- does NOTHING to punish teams for taking risks, so defenses play all-out, pin-back-your-ears kind of defense. The offensive line blew chow, but part of the problem is that opposing defenses are running hell-bent on stunts and blitzes, knowing that the worst-case scenario is a 12-yard completion to Courtney Hawkins. Stewart rarely ever is ordered to throw while taking a snap under-center, and he is NEVER ordered to throw DOWNFIELD on the run, so the unpredictability is thrown right out the window. The 1st INT was a 5-yard dinker on 3d & 10. A shotgun pass, incomplete, on 3d and 2. I'm entirely fed up with this stagnant, dink-and-dump offense, and until Kevin Gaypride starts to pull his head out of his ass, it's going to be a long season. F.

Def Coord: Jim Asslet has little to be proud of after this game. Sure, many fans will be quick to point out his D allowed no TDs, but that's primarily due to Seattle deciding to play turtle once they got into FG range. Asslet's defense failed to make the big stop of Seattle to keep it a 14 or 17 point game. On a 3d & 11 in the 2d quarter, Kitna had all day to throw, and casually completed a 15-yard curl. Just prior to halftime, on a 3d & 7 from their own 49, Seattle completed a long bomb against a Butch Davis-type secondary coverage, to set up an easy FG. A 2d and 14 is all for naught on a 17 yard run by Watters. In the 3d quarter, a 3d and 10 from their own 1 --- where a big stop could give us golden field position --- is easily overcome when Kitna rolled out and leisurely completed a 15-yard pass to Mayes. On a 3d & 7 in the 4th qtr, Waters easily ran up left guard for 11 yards. Throughout the game, Kitna was given enough time to read the PennDot Detour Map and still have enough time to complete passes with no harassment, yet supposedly his offensive line was entirely banged up and injured. In all, yet another vanilla, uninspired game plan from 1 of the NFL most over-rated assistant coaches, Jim Asslet. C.

Head Coach: Bill Cowhead allowed his men to look forward to Jax and overlook Seattle. Worse, Cowher, just like last year, is allowing his offensive coordinator to run the offense into the ground. Cowher is Kevin Gaypride's boss, and Cowher has the final veto on all game-plans and in-game adjustments. It was a farce last year that Cowhead hid behind Ray Sherman and blamed Gay Ray for the entire offensive ineptitude. Cowhead is ultimately responsible for everything that goes on with this football team, and that includes this stagnant-as-pond-water offense. It's up to Cowhead to shake Kevin Gaypride, and Stewart, out of their pathetic doldrums. Refusing to do ANYTHING to rectify problems is just as much a dereliction of duty as doing something but doing it incorrectly. Field Goal Bill SHOULD have learned his lesson last year, but it seems thus far that he simply has not. C.

Synopsis: Given our 1st 3 opponents, this was actually the best team to lose to, since it's a non-division team. The positive from this loss is that it might bring the team back to reality, and show them that they simply have to play at 100% intensity and 99% error-free football to have any chance at winning. The negative is that the offense is not only stagnating, but is getting worse, and in too many aspects looks exactly like the sputtering offense from last December. After the laugher of a win against the disorganized Bronws, the offense has done nothing in 2 weeks. The entire offense needs a severe jolt of gusto, from pre-game planning to on-field execution. The defense needs to also pick it up, as the Jax offense will be the 1st grade-A offense they've faced this season.  The Jax game will be our first real litmus test, to see if we have the potential to be champs or chumps.


The Still Mill


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