�A Mind Like a Steel Trap�

 

 

Still Trap has been laying low this preseason, unsure of what to make of the 2003 version of the Pittsburgh Stillers.� But, faithful readers, never fear � Still Trap is BACK!

 

Thoughts after two games:

 

-When will they learn?????� There is ONE unequivocal way to stop a run blitzing defense, such as the one we saw in KC, much the same as the ones we�ve seen from Baltimore and Tennessee in past seasons � you MUST throw passes to the tight end in the area that has been VACATED by the run blitzers.� Simple.� Effective.� Logical.� Despite adding Jay Riemersma to the starting lineup, Mike Mularkey and Mommy Maddox ignored Riemersma like he had leprosy.� In fact, highlighting the stupidity of it all, these numbnuts actually think they MUST LEAVE the tight end in to block during a run blitz.� Watching the tapes of this game will show that the pressure did not come from the edge � it came up the gut.� Safeties and linebackers shooting gaps between the center and guards, and guards and tackles.� Until the mulestubborn Cowherd LEARNS how to make opponents PAY for run blitzing, he deserves to have every team we play blow up his running schemes.� Until you make an opponent PAY, there is no reason for them not to sell out with the run blitz.

 

-Another thing regarding the running game � it would be nice every once in a while to see Famous Amos actually get sent out of the backfield on a pass pattern.� I�m not talking about the incessant screen play Zeroue runs to death � I�m talking about some patterns that force the linebackers to get out of the box and cover him.� There should be no linebacker in the NFL, short of Urlacher, who can run with Amos.� This type of scheming actually helps the running game, because it keeps defenses honest, and shows opponents that Amos is not one-dimensional, and that he must be accounted for.

 

-Offensive tackles: it�s not that our tackles are terrible, it�s that they are mediocre.� So, the question is:� WHY did the front office lavish multi-millions on Marvel Smith???� Why?� Why, why, why?????� (Trap takes a break to bang his head against the wall.)

 

-I take umbrage with my fellow writer, Still Mill.� Always the first to bash the piss out of Gildong (OK, second behind me), Mill assesses Gildong�s game against the Chefs are putrid.� Au contraire, I say�for one of the few times in recent memory, this writer actually saw Gildong taking on blockers, shedding blockers, and actually initiating contact!?!?!� I know, it�s hard to fathom.� Trap�s not saying that Gildong had an �exceptional� game, but let�s give credit where credit is due�the man actually can piss standing-up after the Chefs� game!� I know, he got bulldozed out of bounds on a couple of sweeps, but that happens from time to time to the best of them.

 

-If Mill wants to bash someone, he ought to be hammering Kenny Bell.� This guy got caught in the �wash� so many times, he�s gonna have to dry his uniform on permanent press.�

 

-Forgetting for a minute the offensive tackles�the interior line hasn�t been any force to reckon with, either.� Simmons and Hartings are repeatedly getting blown backwards.� Trap hopes that the line woes are a mere anomaly due to them not practicing together for most of camp.�

 

-The challenge of the Plex juggling TD catch was laughable.� Trap thinks Cowherd should go back to wearing his glasses so he can see the big screen before he makes challenges.� This is just a foolish waste of the only two challenges you have � make them count.� And it cost the team a timeout, not that Field Goal Bill has EVER known how to use timeouts.� I guess in that respect, it didn�t matter.� Particularly at the end of the first half, when the Stillers had the ball with under two minutes�.a timeout probably wouldn�t have helped.� The way the offense came into the huddle and took the full allotted time to call the play, you�d have thought they were TRYING to run out the clock, which Field Goal Bill has been known to do!?!?!� Trap places blame for that final two minutes of the half squarely on Mommy Maddox.� There was no urgency, no hurry-up, and certainly no plan.� Two minutes is a century at the end of halves � pissing the time away is inexcusable, especially given the lethargy we saw.

 

-Back to the Plex juggle � this is the same lameass crap we�ve seen from Plex for four years�the man does not know how to catch balls with his hands.� The pass was there, and he had no need to juggle it.

 

-Is Fat Casey Hampton almost as big the The Fridge, or what?� My God, put this fat lardass on a diet.� Trap remembers an article written on THIS SITE before the beginning of last season, entitled, �A Weighty Issue�.� Casey�s ever-expanding girth was a concern, particularly given his youth.� The writer predicted that it would only get bigger, especially given Cowherd�s disdain for making players stay in shape.� That writer was laughed at and flamed on the message board for the article.� That wrier was Still Trap.

 

-There�s an old adage that �you get what you pay for�.� It�s true, and never more obvious than with the Stiller special teams.� The last time Trap remembers seeing GOOD special teams play was when Bobby April coached them.� The Stubborn One ran him out of town.� Instead of going out and buying the BEST in special teams coaching, the Rooneys hit the bargain basements.� �Have you got any worn, outdated, worthless, inexperienced, CHEAP special teams coaches for sale?�� �Sure, we�ve got Jay Hayes.� He was a washout of a coach at Pisconsin.� His special teams were so atrocious, he received death threats from Badger fans.�� (this is true).� �And if you don�t like him, why not try our Kevin Spencer model.� Came straight from Big Lots.� After he got shitcanned by the Colts.� In fact, there were so many special teams debacles with the Colts, they started calling it Pittsburgh West in Indianapolis.� (made that one up).� �Fine � We�ll take him.� Doesn�t cost much, right?�� �No � the man�s in the unemployment line � he�s take anything!�

And so it goes�.the worst special teams in the NFL continues to wallow in a quagmire, like George W. Bush in Iraq.

 

-Ya gotta be impressed with the grit and fortitude shown by Hines Ward, week in, and week out.� The man is a monster out there, even in games where he�s not clicking 100% with Maddox.� He hits and scratches and claws.� Personally, this writer would take him over any receiver in the NFL, save Marvin Harrison.

 

-Trap still has a hard time blaming the DB�s entirely for the passing defense debacles.� Sure, Trap will put 100% blame on Chad Scott for his consistent and persistent penchant for biting on the pump-fake.� If Trap is the opponent�s offensive coordinator, Trap would throw at least 5 pump-fake long routes over Scott, because 4 out of 5 would be successful with a completion or a penalty.� As for Scott and Washington�s other holding penalties, and illegal contact penalties � Trap still feels that these are mostly caused by scheme�scheme that forces bad technique.� When ya never play in the face of a receiver, ya become vulnerable to THAT receiver �leading the dance�.� When this happens, the DB is basically holding on to a lifeline made of kite string�he�s at the mercy of whatever moves and routes the receiver wants to run.� It only makes sense that the DB will not be in position to make a play.� In fact, I find it admirable that Washington is even within two feet of the guy, and his only mistake is not being able to turn around to see the pass.� Cripes, Dewayne is trying to recover from the whiplash of having a 4.4-forty receiver juke him to thin air with a 12-yard head start !?!?

 

-I read Madden�s column this morning � AFTER I had already 90% finished mine.� NO WAY do I want Mark Bruener back into the starting lineup � NO WAY!� Flounder Madden takes the easy way out:� �if you�re not gonna throw to the TE, then put Bruner back in�.�� WRONG.� Throw to the tight end.� Period.

 

-It�s hard to imagine that, if you split Amos out wide as a receiver every once in a while, there would be a linebacker or safety who could cover him�?

Not to mention what this would open up for Randle El or Riemersma�.

-Speaking of Randle El, Trap is here to attest ot the fact that Randle El is one heckuva nice guy.� Trap had the fortunate opportunity to see Randle at a store grand opening in a city not in Pennsylvania.� There was a long line, Trap wore his Stillers� garb, complete with the Randle El �82� jersey.� The sign said only ONE autograph.� When Trap got to the front table, not only did Randle sign the football I bought just for the occasion, but he signed my hat, my jersey, and an 8 X 10 color glossy from the table.� Additionally, he took a picture with me, and talked a little about the offense and his role.� A super-terrific guy!� Good luck Sunday, Randle!� Whoop them Bungles!