Texans
24, Stillers 6���. Dec 8th, 2002 ����Game #13
Stillers-Texans
Postgame Analysis and Grades
13 proved to be unlucky for
the Stillers, as they slumbered into their 13th game of the season and had their
asses handed back by the lowly Texans in front of a few thousand fans at frigid
Heinz Field.� To be fair and equitable,
I'll put in the same amount of time in my post-game report as this team did in
its entire week of preparation for this game, so accordingly; this report will
be shorter than normal.
Grades:
QB: Maddox was abysmal in his first
start in 3 weeks.� He picked up right
where he left of in Nashville, with gruesome turnovers and shoddy play.� Lowlighting Maddox's day was the evident
penchant for short stuff; the inability to shuffle from pressure & then zip
the ball to a secondary receiver; the overt lack of mobility; and the fondness
of the shorty slant.� Maddox's first
fumble -- after a 5-yard scramble on a 3d & 13 -- was a case of jackassed
stupidity and carelessness.� Maddox had
no chance at the 1st down, and literally dropping the ball after his
slow-motion juke was as horrendous a turnover as you'll see in the NFL.� The INTs -- both of which were returned for
six -- were atrocious.� Perhaps Maddox
isn't as bad as his last two starts indicate, but perhaps he's not quite as
good as that glitzy Oct-Nov stretch when opposing coordinators had no recent
film of him.� D-.�
RB:�
The Tubby Tailback gained a whopping 30 yards on 14 carries, and did
nothing in the passing game.� He looked
fat, slow, and feeble.� Furthermore, the
fatassed 285-pounder meekly love-tapped the blitzing OLB Jeff Posey on the
game's 1st series, causing an easy Posey sack of Maddox.� Re-WATCH this pathetic, shameful effort by
the 285-pound fatass, and then ask yourself why he wasn't benched the rest of
the game.� Meanwhile, Amoz chipped in
with 11 rushes for 69 yards -- a nice 5.7 YPR.�
He also had 2 grabs for 27 yards.�
But as long as Doughboy Bettis is healthy enough to play, he will remain
the feature back and Amoz will remain the cute little 3rd down novelty and
"give the FatBoy a break" kind of RB.� Bettis: C-.� AZ: A-.
FB: Kreider didn't get as much chance
to batter the Texans as he would have preferred.� He gained 5 yards on a plunge and grabbed 1 pass for 10.� B.��
WR:�
Plex Burress led the way -- the way to perdition, that is -- with 6
dropped passes, including 2 passes that could have been TDs.� On a team with a real head coach, Burress would
have taken a seat at some point of this ballgame.� Ward had a workman-like effort with 9 grabs for a rather paltry
76 yards.� On the positive side, Mathis
and El came alive as viable options in the Stiller offense.� Mathis had 5 grabs and El had a career-high
8 receptions, including a sterling 26-yarder in the 4Q.� The sour note is that El coughed up the ball
after one reception, plus a foolish false start, plus an equally foolish
"loss" of a gained first down in which he juked himself out of a sure
first down.� And I'd have preferred the
veteran Mathis sell the slant better than he did (or didn't) on the 4Q
INT.� Ward also had a foolish hold that
negated an Amoz 17-yard run in the 4Q.�
In all, this was the worst collective game by the WR corps this
season.� D.�
TE:�
Jerame Two-woman started in place of the IR'd Mark Bruener and did
little.� He committed a dumbshit hold
that really bogged down a late 4Q drive.�
Not that it mattered in terms of offensive productivity, but John Allred
left the game in the 1Q with a concussion.�
Cushing got some work in the 2TE offense.� C-.
OL: Multiple false starts.� Sloppy play.� Leaks and pressure on the QB.�
Shoddy run blocking.� All of
which amounted to outright vomit.� An
overall piss poor game, although Capers' regular use of the run-blitz made
their job onerous.� A huge cloud of
concern looms over the status of LT Wayne Gandy, who left the game in the 4Q
with a calf injury.� C-.�
DL:�
The d-line stuffed the woeful Texan running game, and provided some
harassment on Carr.� Holding a team to
37 yards rushing is awesome, but then again, this is the woeful Texans, whose
running game is just a tiny bit better than the worst rushing team in the AFC
(Clev.)� B+.�
LB:�
This gang had a solid effort, although it was against the incredibly weak
Texan offense.� Ken Bell led the way
with aggressive, hard-nosed linebacking.�
Porter and Farrior were strong, with Farrior twice stuffing 3d &
short running plays.� Jason Gildon had
an acceptable first series, and then did little else the rest of the afternoon
other than collect a few assists.� In
fact, despite the box score stats that claim Jason had 6 solos & 1
assist, Big Jason -- according to the actual NFL.com play-by-play -- actually
had 2 solos and 4 assists.� Go
figure.� B+.
DB:�
The secondary was basically given the day off, with the lowly Texan
offense attempting only 10 passes.� That's
right -- ten.� That's as many as Rich
Gannon was throwing in ONE drive against the Stillers back in Sep.� Due to the lack of any work, grade is Inc.�
Spec teams:�
Another stinkfest for the special teams.� El fumbled away a critical 4Q punt returns, plus allowed an early
punt to land and then roll deep into Stiller territory.� Josh Miller -- supposedly the God of Punting
-- was grossly out-punted by a guy named Chad Stanley.� Reed was short on a 43-yard miss.� In a rare fit of adequacy, the coverage was
the only bright spot on this otherwise miserable day.� C-.�
OC:�
Mularkey was grossly ill-prepared for Dom Capers and his aggressive
run-blitzing defense.� Capers came in
with a superb game plan -- one that will quickly be xeroxed by the rest of our
opponents -- and run-blitzed the tar out of the Stillers.� Facing a pretty darn good defense and a
defensive genius in Capers, Mularkey was ill prepared and slow to adjust,
although he did have the sense to at least get Amoz more involved.� Mularkey also chose to run his ever-favorite
"screen pass out of his own EZ" in the 1Q, which was totally blown up
and nearly turned into a disaster.�
C.�
DC:�
Tiny Tim will probably bask in the glory of allowing just three 1Ds all
game, and only 47 total net yards.� Nice
work, no doubt, but bear in mind that it came against what is by far the
statistically worst offense in the entire NFL.�
The down side is that the Stiller defense (not including spec teams) once
again failed to create even one turnover, while a real defense like Tampa's
completed its 38th straight game with a turnover.� B+.�
HC:�
Expansion teams love facing Billy Cowshit.� Both Jax and Cle whipped up on Little Billy as expansion teams,
and Capers' Carolina team issued Billy a whipping in their 2nd year.�� The reason for Cowher's shameful failures
against expansion teams is simple: Cowher does a fine job of whipping his team
into a frenzy against a hated rival, but when facing a rival that doesn't
arouse hatred and ferocity -- see the 2001 NE Pats, for example -- Cowher's
team are apt to slop and slather in an unemotional stupor.� The offensive game plan -- which the head
coach approved -- was complete manure, especially on a cold day with a QB
scraping off the rust of a 3-week layoff.�
F+.
Synopsis:
�Instead of stomping on a hapless expansion
team and placing the gift wrap on the division title, this team laid an egg
with a shameful effort today.� Coupled
with the Cleveland win today on a late-game TD, the Stillers are now scratching
and clawing to stave off the lowly Browns for the division title.� Next up is another home game, this time
against the mediocre Panthers.�
Hopefully, Cowhead and Co. will learn and rectify.�