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Stillers-Dolphins Postgame Analysis and Grades

October 25, 2010 by Still Mill

Stillers 23, Dolphs 22 ��� Oct 24, 2010
Stillers 23, Miami 22���. Oct. 24, 2010 ����Game # 6


Stillers-Dolphins Postgame Analysis and Grades


The Stillers stumbled their way to a 1-point, skin-tight win over the Fish.You saw today exactly why Coach Chuck Noll used to rail about distractions.�� This was a distracted football team all week -- caused by Adolf Goodell�s heavy-handed fine of Harrison -- and it showed today, with a plethora of bumbling, boners, and follies.��




QB:As a passer, Benji had a pretty good day today.�� He completed 19 of 27 for 302 & 2 TDs, and had a couple TDs and other big plays taken away due to receiver lethargy as well as illegal chucks by the defense.��


As a quarterback and as a leader, Shitlesberger had a wretched game that highlighted the distractions Noll fretted over.Ben handled the football the way a crack-whore handles cold cash -- carelessly and foolishly.


Not once, but twice, the dumbfuk, while WRAPPED in the arms of a hulking lineman and surrounded by white shirts, actually tried to pass the ball, bringing back grisly memories of Garo Yepremian and Mike Tomczak. On the first asinine attempt of this nature, which was on the 1st series of the game, Ben gave the ball to the Fish on his own 13.You�d think he�d have learned his lesson, but sure enough, in the 3Q, he tried this assaholic stunt AGAIN, and was saved only when Pouncey made a superbly athletic play to nab the free ball in mid-air.Had Pouncey not made this play, Miami would have gotten the ball on the Stiller 30.��


Then there was the lazy, tip-toe, dumbassed run by Ben that should have sealed the WIN, late in the 4Q.With a 3d & 2 at the Fish 2, Ben ran a SG draw and had a hole large enough to accommodate a 1978 Cutlass Supreme.�� For no particular reason, Ben EASED OFF like a complete faggot once he entered this cavernous hole.�� Seeing a smallish DB (Clemons, who gives up FORTY FIVE pounds), Ben, like the careless dumfuk that he is, tried to DIVE from the 3-yard line, loosely starting to �reach� the ball out in the process, a tactic I utterly despise in traffic.Sure enough, the DB jars the ball loose somewhere around the 6-inch line.The play was initially ruled a TD, but �upon further review� the ball was ruled a fumble at the 1/2 yard line, but because replay could not determine who recovered, the Stillers retained possession.This should have never, ever come down to a �controversial call�.�� Dumlisberger, all 255 pounds of him and having about 5 yards worth of forward MOMENTUM from being lined up in a SG, should have BARRELED and PLUNGED toward the goal line.Clemons would have done the CUT TACKLE that is prevalent by DBs all over the NFL, which would have done NOTHING except allow Ben to TOPPLE FORWARD into the end zone.�� Simply a dumbassed, no-brained play by the QB, given the down, distance, score, and place on the field.�� ��


The dumbassed decisions and carelessness wiped out a mostly decent day passing the ball.��� C- ��


RB:Mendy had a solid 1H, gaining 30 yards on 7 rushes.�� In the 3Q, he came out and resembled Franco Harris ....the 1982 version, unfortunately.�� He continually tip-toed and stuttered more than John Travolta, continually losing yardage.Sure, the blocking sucked ass, but there are times as a RB where you simply have to be content with a 2 or 3 yard gain, rather than losing 2 yards on every single run.�� He finally snapped out of his funk a bit in the 4Q, but overall, I wasn�t pleased.


Moore came out of nowhere and saw, by far, his most extensive PT of the year.He had 3 of the biggest plays by the RBs:a good RAC on 3d & 7 in the 1Q that got a much-needed 1D; a 16-yard run off a nice cut at the LOS; and the big RAC on 3d & 5 that set up the late-game foibles and the winning FG.�� Moore enraged me, however, when he failed to get OOB late in the 1H after a short dumpoff.�� Redman had a few carries.Mendy: C�� Moore: B+��� Redman: Inc.


FB: Redman had a plunge from the FB late in the game on 2d & 4 at the Fish 4 that gained 2.There wasn�t a large use of the FB in this game, which may explain some as to why the running game faltered.��� Inc


WR:Hines led the way with a huge day, grabbing 7 for 131 yards.His TD was superb, as he ducked under a tackle on an out, then eluded a tackler at the 4 and then twisted into the EZ.�� Hines could certainly show Slothlisberger exactly how to lunge and twist into the EZ.Hines had an incredible grab on a seamer late in the 2Q, in which he plucked a pass away from the DB in amazing fashion for a 26-yard gain.�� Like his teammates, Hines was distracted as well, as he dropped a simple bubble screen that could have just as easily been ruled a fumble and a large loss.He also failed to haul in a high, but catchable, TD pass in the 3Q, although Ben was flagged for crossing the LOS prior to the pass.��


Wally started off slowly, lazily failing to stretch out and lay out for a very catchable pass that would have netted some 35+ yards on the 2nd �O� play of the game.Wally later went downtown and torched the CB for a beautiful 53-yard TD bomb in the 2Q.Of course, after that he was literally ignored the rest of the game.


El did little.In the 4Q, he allowed a simple slant pass to clang off his shoulder pads.�� Sanders had a clutch grab on 3d & 11 in the 4Q, gaining 18.��


Ward:A-��� Wally: B+��� Sanders:A�� El: C+


TE:Miller had 3 grabs for 33, including a clutch grab in traffic on 3d & 10 in the 4Q that moved the chains.�� Spaeth gets the �2 Nickels Award� for his effort on a seam pass in the 2Q that should have resulted in a TD.�� Instead, Spaeth, with all the athleticism of Trai Essex and Mitch Berger, jumped the equivalent of 2 nickels off the ground and had the pass glance off his hands for a harmless incompletion. Total, wretched piece of shit.�� The blocking was only average, although Miller deserves kudos for his late-game tenacity and stick-to-it blocking, which drew a correct late-hit flag.�� Miller:A-��� Spaeth:D���� Johnson:��� B-��


OL: The line struggled at times like complete little bitches.�� The run blocking was especially putrid.�� Pouncey came down to Earth with a fairly ordinary outing.He had trouble with the NT, as well as with sustaining blocks.As noted above, Pouncey showed good hands and athleticism on the fumble recovery that staved off disaster.Adams injured his ankle in the 2Q and was replaced by Scott, who was fairly lousy.Luckily Adams returned.Legursky continues to regress, getting flagged for a hold on a running play and then flagged for a hold on a completion to Miller that gained 9 yards.Legursky�s struggles have forced me to long for the days of Trai Essex, grim though that thought might be.Starks helped open a nice hole with a drive block on Mendy�s 9-yard run, but then had a thoroughly pussyfied block that saw Mendy get clobbered for a 3-yard loss in the 3Q.Max was also flagged for a false start on 3d & 5 in the 4Q.�� Overall, a rather shoddy, sub-par performance from this crew.�� C-


DL:The line was without Keisel, who did not dress, and then Smith, who tore a tricep and left the field in the 3Q.The remaining lineman did jack shit the entire game.�� Fat Hampton did little more than waddle to the sideline and guzzle Gatorade, to the tune of 0 solos, 0 assists, and 0 impact.�� Likewise, Eason and Hood each finished with 1 solo and did very, very little.The line got gashed by Dicky Williams quite often the last 3 quarters, with Dicky finishing at 48 yards on 11 carries.��� C-��


LB:With all the distractions this past week, this crew did little.�� The Fish astutely ran their 1st 4 or 5 ground plays right at Jason Woodley.The Big He-Man was SOLOED by Fasano and easily walled off for an easy 8 yards up RT in the 1Q.�� Big LaMarr did manage to make the stop on the following play.�� The Fish wanted no part in running at Harrison and were able to get solid chunks of yardage running at Big LaMarr.�� Sometime in the 2Q, Big LaMarr hurt his vagina -- er, his hamstring -- and did not return.�� What a puss !��


Timmons had another solid game.�� He got moved around due to the injury of Jason Woodley.�� He had a superb stop in open field on a 3d & 6 dumpoff in the 4Q to Bess that gained only 2.He probably was the only defender all day to make a good, crisp stop of Bess.��


Taunto Farrior had a flail & whiff of Dicky on an 11-yard run in the 3Q.Soon later, in the 4Q, Taunto got trucked by Brown at the end of a 5-yard run in hilarious fashion.Taunto got a Dong fumble recovery when McFadden forced a fumble that popped up in the air to Taunto.�� Of course, with nothing but open field ahead, Taunto got �tackled� by a little, babyfied, ankle-nip slap by Hartlein.�� Really, really pathetic.�� He was beaten by Fasano late in the game on a simple curl, and was flailing about like a windmill, but Fasano dropped the ball.��


Foote actually saw plenty of PT in the 2H due to the loss of Big LaMarr.He saw Brown gain 6 to start the 3Q and was more often a hindrance than a help.�� He got a Dong Sack on an unblocked inside rush, and then made a backside tackle on a 4Q 3d & 1 where he ambled untouched into the BF and merely followed the glacial, slow-developing counter play.��


Harrison, coming off the $75K fine, had a solid game, although nothing great.�� He gave the LT, Long, some problems and created some harassment.�� He bullrushed the LG, Incognito, and steamrolled him onto his ass in utterly hilarious fashion in the 2Q.�� After that embarrassment, I�m sure Incognito was hoping to feel, well, incognito.��


Jason Worilds was finally permitted to play defense, and chipped in with a nice effort that showed his motor, quickness, and athleticism.�� On consecutive plays in the 3Q, All-Worilds got the corner on the RT and forced Henne to step up under harassment.On the final 4th down play late in the game. Worilds did a WLR (Wide Loop Rush) and was ridden wide.However, unlike loafers like Jason GilDong and Big LaMarr Woodley, Worilds STOPPED, reversed field, and then hit the QB to force an errant pass and end the game.Superb play!!Any thought that Woodley had to be retained for big dollars this offseason is now flushed down the commode.Bye bye, LaMarr!

Farrior:C��� Timmons and Harry:B��� ��Woodley:Inc�� Foote:�� C+Worilds: A


DB:McFadden had another strong game in RAC tackling and run support, leading the team with 5 solos.�� He forced the fumble by Hartlein, which gave the Stillers their lone turnover.


Ryan Clark showed, once again, what a total pile of garbage he is.�� Oh sure, he�s good for that twice a year big-hit on a defenseless receiver.�� Other than that?�� As useless as a broken prophylactic.��� On Bess� TD, Clark had a good angle, with Bess 4 feet from the sideline.Instead, Clark, the slowfooted, clumsy-fuk that he is, gets caught FLAT-footed and then flails with his dick in the dirt as Bess raced down the CHALK for the TD.�� There were a couple other plays where Clark contributed little in stopping RAC.


Ike had some struggles.He was out-jousted by Marshall on an 8-yard curl-out, in which all�s he had to do was simply get a paw up and bat the ball away.His reading and timing of a ball traveling through the air simply is lacking.On the next play, he was stiff-armed into the dirt by Ron Brown in pitiful fashion.


Pola had some plays in stopping RAC and run support, but overall was a bit quiet.���


Gay flailed badly on Bess on the TD RAC.To his credit, he didn�t pout, and late in the game, Gay made a superb cut-down of Polite on a dumpoff that stopped the FB cold; forced a 4th down try; and kept the clock moving.��


Another game without a legitimate INT from this crew (legit meaning, not a Dong INT like Clark got last week off of a deflected pass).�� Not good.�� C-


Spec teams:Sanders opened the game with a lolly-gagging return and then coughed up the ball and gave the Fish golden FP.�� Very poor.To his credit, he picked up the paces and had 37-yard and 27-yard returns in the 2Q, and then set-up the winning FG with a 48 yard KO return.He also chipped in with Worilds to make a good stop in KO coverage in the 1Q.


The coverage teams were a bit spotty and leaky.


Randle El had a shit punt return of 0 yards in the 1Q.�� At this point, I see no reason why Tonio Brown is deactivated and El dresses.


Jeff �The Drunkard� Reed actually didn�t shank any FGs today, which is always a surprise.Sepul punted ok.������ B


OC:Look up the word �dumbfuk� in the dictionary, and you�ll be bound to find a photo of Bruce Arians.The guy is so daft and stupid, it�s sickening.��


- On a 2nd & 6 at the Fish 7 late in the 1Q, Arians, the clever, cutesy artist that he is, calls for the THIRD time in the young game a bubble screen.�� With the LOS at the SEVEN yard line, Fish defenders engulf Wally for NO GAIN.What is sam fuking hell is the puropose of this kind of assaholic play so close the GL ??The defense has SEEN this play twice already in the 1Q, and with the end line so close, these entire 11 defenders are all within 6 yards of the LOS.

- It got worse late in the 2Q.After Ward�s tremendous grab on the seamer and a dumpoff to Moore, the Stillers called a TO with 1:03 remaining in the half (and a 2nd & 4) at the Fish 28.�� Just as happened recently, Arians came out of a TO and called a faggot-fuk, no-brained REVERSE, which was blown to hell so badly that Moore wisely never tried the handoff.�� The play lost 8 yards, pushing the offense out of PussyReed�s FG range, and a sack on the next play ended the half.�� This is simply brainless, stupid-assed offensive playcalling at its worst.�� The reverse, if called, should be run when a defense is ON THE RUN, where tired, frustrated defenders tend to cut corners.Coming out of a TO is probably the WORST time of call a gimmick play.�� Worse, Ward and Wally were UN-GUARDABLE the entire 1H, and Mendy was gaining 4 yards a crack.Why in the blazing fuk did Arians feel a need to reach into his rear database for a gimmick play when the Stiller offense was tooling the Fish the entire 1st half ???��� With the Stillers holding onto a flimy ONE point lead at this time, pissing away a fairly easy FG attempt late in the half was simply reprehensible.���


- Whatever happened to Mike Wallace?�� The guy went deep and left SCORCH marks on the CB, Jason Allen, on the 53-yard TD.�� After that, Wally was never thrown a pass the rest of the game.�� You can�t tell me after that scorching -- and the scorching he left on this same field last Jan. on a 52-yard bomb TD -- that Wally couldn�t have been WIDE open on easy outs and curls, what with the Fish defense terrified of getting beaten deep again and backing way off.�� Nope, not Bruce Arians.�� He had the Fish strung up by their gills, yet failed, and refused, to take candy from a baby.�� D


DC:A week after getting shredded by Dolt McCoy in his 1st ever NFL start, Dick fully resembled a French general facing the onslaught of a German army -- befuddled, bewildered, and stupefied.�� Dick somehow managed to make Chad Henne -- hardly a superstar -- look like Danny Marino and Don Strock all rolled into one.�� Henne, after a horrific 1Q, finished the day 23 of 26 for 257 yards, and no INTs.�� Most of the day, Henne was able to SIT back in the pocket, totally unfettered aside from a few seagulls that flew by above the stadium.�� From there, it was Henne playing pitch n� catch with WIDE open receivers, all the while Dick gasping and wheezing, and grasping at straws trying to stop the bleeding.��


Sure, the 1st 6 points were entirely on turnovers deep in PIT territory.�� After that, Dick just got shredded like provolone cheese in a pizza parlor.�� Aided by 7 consecutive completions, the Fish calmly marched from their 27 to the Stiller 5 for a 2Q FG.Only a poor pass from Henne to Marshall prevented a TD.�� Then the Fish easily marched 80 yards late in the 2Q for a TD.�� This drive should have been stopped, but on a key 3d & 10, Dick, supposedly THE grand master of defensive football, flaccidly rushed only 4 men, which gave Henne an ETERNITY to scan the field back and forth 4 times before easily completing a 17-yard pass.


Then, in the 3Q, starting at their own 29, the Fish easily marched for a chippie FG.The drive should have bogged down after a hold caused a 1st & 20, but Dick allowed Dicky to gain 5 and then 11 to set up 3d & 4, and from there Dick once again got flaccid and rushed 4 men while Henne ate a SANDWICH back in the pocket and then casually completed 5-yard pass.��


Note to Dick -- this blitzing of Pola up the gut was, for the umpteenth time this year, easily picked up and saw the defense surrender a mammoth gain, this time being the Bess TD.�� Pola going off the CORNER allows him to use his speed and agility.�� Pola up the GUT is like a Porshe stuck in an urban traffic jam.It does nothing and serves little purpose.


Aaron Smith tore a tricep and is done for the year.�� Quick -- let us start a pity party (bawl!) for The Great Dick LeBeau, who (sob) just can�t live or coach (waahh) without Aaron Smith in the lineup.��� The mark of a great coach is what he does when not blessed with a superstar at every position on the field.Let�s see if Dick succeeds, or has been the case 3 of the past 4 years, struggles like a pathetic little crybaby with Smitty gone for the year.�� D ���


HC:Tomlin did a poor job of handling the Harrison distraction.�� The entire team was unfocused and it�s only by the grace of the football gods that they eked out this win.��


I cannot fathom what Tomlin discusses with Arians during a TO that then produces some vomit-laden, stupidfuk reverse that serves no purpose; fools nobody; and loses gobs of yardage AND momentum.Then, when Ben was sacked on 3D with about 13 tics remaining in the 1H, Tomlin, the idiot, had TWO timeouts in his hip pocket, but allowed the clock to run out to end the half.Why not call a TO at 0:02 and allow Reed to try a 56-yard FG, with the wind ??�� What a dumbass.Imbecilic, self-inflicted wounds should make Adolf Goodell and the NFL look into possibly �throwing� of games for the sake of gambling.��


Isn�t defense supposed to be Tommy�s forte� ?Ostrich-like management isn�t helping in this phase of the game.�� C


Officiating.��� I don�t often rant about officials, but this crew in particular sucked ass.�� The Fish took a page out of Bill Belli-cheat�s playbook and CONSTANTLY chucked and re-routed receivers WELL PAST the 5-yard area, yet were NEVER ONCE flagged the entire game.On one play in the 3Q (2nd & 12 at the Mia. 18), Hines Ward was re-routed downfield not once, but TWICE, just missing a TD grab, yet no flag was flown. Randle El was mugged as well.Instead of worrying about the big hits that occur once every 900 plays from scrimmage, perhaps Adolf Goodell should worry more about the enforcement of a simple, basic rule that got violated probably 20 times in today�s tilt.�� Furthermore, I�m still fuming on the spot for Ben�s late fumble.The ball was jarred loose from Ben�s hands, at worst case, at the Fish 6-inch line.�� There never was a good LINEAR angle on this play; rather, the LONE angle that showed the �fumble� was from BEHIND the end zone, some 50 feet away and 50 feet off the ground.Placing the ball way back at the 1/2 yard line was utter horseshit.���� C-


Miami Management: I will again rail on the chickenshit tactic of a home team wearing its normal WHITE ROAD uniform on a hot day.�� I am well aware that the NFL rules allow for each team to declare prior to the season as to which uni it will wear for each game.�� (Prior to the season, a team can declare a different uni from game to game.)�� And therein lies the flaw.The NFL should mandate a single home uniform, period, for ALL home games, aside from the ONE game that involves throwback unis.�� If you decide your home uni is lime green, then it remains that color for EVERY home game.�� If it�s orange, then it�s orange.�� If it�s white, then it�s WHITE for all home games.�� I get tired of silly, chickenshit tactics that belong on a sandlot or in a garage league like the NHL.The tactic is made more foolish when it�s later October and the high temperature is (hold your laughter) 80 degrees.�� Fuk Tony Sparano and the Dolphin management.�� F


Stiller Management: Okay, so the cheapskate Stillers upgraded from taped-together pieces of cardboard to a more elaborate set-up of PVC piping and canvas in order to blot out the sun for players on the bench.Still sophomoric, given an operation with a player payroll of 60-some million dollars.�� I don�t understand why some simple �pop up� shelters (which are seen at youth-league softball, baseball, and soccer tournaments all over the country) cannot be placed by the bench, instead of having butlers and servants holding some flimsy-assed contraption aloft as though they were handmaidens for the Pharaoh in ancient Egypt.��� D


Synopsis:A tight win that would have left a supremely shitty taste in everyone�s mouth had we pissed this game away.�� The Stillers now venture on to The City That Should Have Never Been Rebuilt (it�s under sea level and surrounded by water, fer chrissakes!), to take on the Aints on Halloween nite.�� The Aints will be in a foul mood, having just lost to the lowly Brownies.Let�s hope for a more focused effort.��



(Still Mill and -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close�.)



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