Cowher's
Opening Day Woes:� The Real Deal
Bill Cowher -- he of stubbornness
initiated as a toddler while pounding a square peg into a round hole --
recently lamented that his preparation for the opening of the regular season
was lacking.�
"I try to sit back every year
and try to look at what I can do," Cowher said, "and maybe there's
something about why we've played poorly the last couple of years."�� Yes, that "something" -- the
reason the team has arrived on opening day prepared to do little more than run
backwards in full retreat -- is none other than William Laird Cowher.����
In a typical Cowher
understatement, the Sultan of Spittle stated, "Hey, we're changing. It
can't be any worse than the last two [openers] we played.� I look at myself too and maybe I've done a
poor job of getting this thing prepared."
The real deal on Cowher's gross,
overt inability to have his team prepared for the season opener is this: since
1993, his team has stunk and sputtered in every meaningful opening day game in
that 9-year timeframe.�� Cowher's memory
is obviously short; after all, who else would want to remember such horrific
details?�� And, the Cowher-loving media
that covers the Steelers on a regular basis is either too ignorant of the facts
surrounding Cowher's near decade-long bout with opening day futility, or too
enamored/too afraid of The Chin to ask the hard questions and write the hard
analysis that should be written.
Luckily for the readership of
Stillers.com, we don�t shy from the facts, presented here for your amusement
and/or gastro-intestinal torment.�
�93
- Playing at home game versus San Fran, Cowher's team slopped and
slathered its way in a complete stupor, en route to a 24-13 loss.� To be sure, San Fran was a very capable
opponent, but coming off a very strong season, Cowhere's Steeler team was far
from out manned and outgunned, yet was shamefully unprepared.�� The crowd that sunny Sept. 5th afternoon
departed 3 Rivers Stadium amidst a pungent stench that was created by the 3
previous hours of futility and stupidity by Cowher's team in a game that was
entirely winnable.�� Not to be outdone,
the Stillers went out the following week and were thrashed by the Rams,
27-0.��
�94
- Playing at home, Cowher's team got thoroughly whipped, dominated, and
embarrassed in every phase of the game in a hideous home loss to
Dallas.� The 26-9 final score didn't
even begin to tell the full story of this laughable blowout.�
�95
- At home, against a very mediocre Lions team, the Stillers eked out a
sloppy 3-point win in OT.�� Here you
have a team that came 3 yards short of going to the Super Bowl, and 8 months
later they're clawing for a home win against one of the very average in pro
football, the Detroit Lions.����
�96
- At Jax, lost to the 3-13 (in �95) Jags in one of the shoddiest, most
ill-prepared opening-day efforts ever witnessed in the NFL.�� Cowher's team looked sloppy, lethargic, and
physically unprepared for the rigors of a regular season game.�� Additionally, Cowher's imbecilic 3-headed
QB derby at training camp badly misfired, because none of the QBs had gotten
enough work with the starting unit.�
Cowher jerked Jim Miller out of the starting lineup early in the 3rd
quarter, but� Mike Tomczak's first pass
was INT'd and returned for a TD.�� This
was undoubtedly one of the most embarrassing losses in Stiller history.�
�97
- Once again at home against the Cowboys, the Stillers got thoroughly whipped,
dominated, and embarrassed in every phase of the game in a hideous 30-point
loss. home loss to Dallas.� The 37-7
final score didn't even begin to tell the full story of this laughable
blowout.� There was talk going into the
game -- similar to what we'll hear this week about New England -- of the
"revenge factor" of beating the Cryboys, since the Stillers had lost
to them just 19 months prior in Super Bowl 30.�
Despite the "revenge factor" and the fact that about 80% of
the '97 team had bitter memories of SB 30, the Stillers were nonetheless handed
a can of whipass by the Cowboys.�
�98
- In yet another sloppy opener, the Stillers sputtered, slumbered, and slothed
throughout the entire afternoon against the Ravens.� Remember, this was a game with a team that narrowly lost the AFC
Title game just 8 months prior, against a shoddy relocated club that had never
sniffed the playoffs.� Only the gross
ineptitude of the Ravens, to include rookie Priest Holmes tripping over his own
two feet on a critical 3rd down run that had "TD" written all over it
-- precluded the Stillers from yet another opening day loss.�� The Ravens also helped immensely with a day
full of woeful QB plays and special teams blunders, to include two horrific
long-snaps that allowed the Stillers to get the ball in golden field
position.�
�99
- Bill Cowher was able to pad his opening day win-loss record with this laugher
of a game against a junior-varsity Cleveland team.�� No less than 50 (fifty) NCAA teams could have beaten the woeful,
expansion Browns that evening.�� In all
actuality, this game was nothing more than a tune-up game; no different than
when a big-time college football team opens its season against the likes of
Arkansas State.�� The next game --
facing a legitimate, genuine NFL team (the Ravens) -- in a repeat of the �98
opener, the Stillers sputtered slumbered, and slothed their way through an
afternoon of sloppy football, and held on for a 3-point win.�� A late FG gave the Stillers their thin
margin of victory and Cowher was spared.�
Of course, the Stillers went on to stink and sputter en route to a
miserable 6-10 season.�
�00
- Again opening the season at home,�
the Stillers once again sputtered and slumbered throughout the entire
game, and allowed the bumbling Ravens to steal a win at 3 Rivers.� It was rather evident that, for the 8th year
in a row, Cowher's team was no more prepared to play football on opening day
than it was prepared to drive a space shuttle from Earth to the darkest reaches
of Jupiter.�
'01
- Facing an injury-ravaged Jaguars team also decimated by free agency and the
salary cap, Cowher's team nonetheless went down to J-ville and got their asses
beaten in every phase of the game.� Not
only was Cowher's team disorganized, confused, and befuddled, but they were
also badly out hit at the point of attack the entire afternoon.�
So there you have it -- 9
years of embarrassing opening day futility by the NFL's most overpaid
coach.�
When something happens year
in and year out, over a period of several years, it no longer is an aberration
or a random bit of bad luck.� It is an
undeniable trend.��
"Why is Cowher
incapable of preparing his team adequately on opening day?" some will
ask.� Good question.�� The short answer from some folks is that
Cowher simply isn't very bright, and I won't spend time debating that
point.� Here's the more complete
answer:� Just like Cowher's overt,
time-honored inability to prepare his team for the playoffs, the jump up from
pre-season to the regular season is one of enormous magnitude.� This is where Cowher fails miserably: he
fails to grasp and adjust for the size of the "jump" from preseason
to regular season, as well as the jump from the regular season to the post
season.� In the case of both jumps, the
increase in preparation, intensity, and focus that is necessary to win is
probably 10-fold, yet Billy Cowher is perennially content to slumber along and
go from week to week with the same mindset, totally oblivious to the change
in the battlefield and its increased tempo, intensity, and preparation
requirements.�
�
Cowher has a few positives
going into this particular opening-day game.�
One is his MNF & prime-time record, which, while far from perfect,
is solid.�� Cowher does possess the
ability to whip his team into a foaming rage for prime time TV, if for no other
reason than to promulgate his ego and his public notoriety.� Cowher's admittance to his past acts of
grand stupidity and gross dereliction in preparation for opening day also
offers hope that perhaps Cowher has finally grasped the reality of the jump
from preseason to the regular season.��
Finally, there is the old "revenge factor" that fans love to
wave around in times like this.�� On the
other hand, the prime time factor is a positive, but not anywhere near a
guarantee.� Despicable losses to KC (MNF
in 1997), Cinci (Thurs. in 1995), and Jax (Sunday nite in 2000) should be well
remembered by most avid Steeler fans.�
The revenge factor actually is a worthwhile factor in such events as the
NHL playoffs, in which a team faces its opponent about 45 hours after the
current game ends.�� But 9 months is an
awfully long time to stew, and, given the sorrowful, pathetic "revenge
" that the '97 Stillers displayed in the opening day blowout loss to
Dallas, it's not something that one should bet the mortgage on.�
Sept. 9th should be
incredibly interesting.� Two of the
AFC's premier teams will square off in a game that will open a new stadium for
the Pats.�� But the dark cloud hovering
over this game -- for Stiller fans at least -- is the perennial inability of
Bill Cowher to have his team even remotely prepared for the rigors, intensity,
and mindset of the opening day of the regular season.� Were this a week 2 game, we could all feel comfortable.� But, just like a playoff game associated
with Billy Cowher, this one will have to be watched with a bottle of Pepto
Bismol, a jar of Rolaids, and a few caplets of Tylenol.��