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Stillers-Jags Postgame Report

December 03, 1999 by Still Mill

Stillers-Gaytriots Analysis:

Stillers-Jags Post Game Analysis & Grades:

For once, I'm somewhat at a loss for words. I predicted the defeat, it then happened very expectedly, and we lost another game after being in the game for over 3 quarters. There's not much that happened in this loss that has not already happened the previous 11 games. Poor QBing, no innovation on offense, shoddy defensive efforts when we needed big stops, and the lack of a big play, all continued to haunt us.


QB: I had to chuckle when I heard cries of "Tomczak is showing us how the Gilbride offense is supposed to be run", after the Prozac-induced derelict completed many passes in mop-up relief against a porous Bengal defense that was sitting in a big lead. Yeah, Prozac showed us how the offense is supposed to run -- he ran it into the ground, and got a whopping 6 points on the board. I refuse to waste time evaluating Mike Prozac, other than to say that he returned to the Dark Side and showed his true colors with a woefully inept performance. D.

RB: Bettis was bottled as easily as beer at the Iron City factory, gaining just 23 yards on 12 rushes. He had a couple nice gainers on hard-hitting north-south runs, but these were negated by several whaleshit counter plays that the quick-footed Jax defense easily engulfed. Hunt had 2 carries for 37 yards, 1 of which was a long gainer on a draw play. Bus had 1 grab for 14 yards. Bus fumbled once, but we recovered. Huntley also foolishly failed to dive on a different fumble, and Jax recovered, but a penalty allowed us to keep the ball. Hunt also committed a blatant hold and cost us a 13-yard reception. C-.

FB: Wittman was his usual pathetic self, getting blasted and crumpled backwards on many a play, or clogging the hole in front of Bettis. The multi-purpose threat caught 1 ball for 9 yards, and had 2 other little piddly passes thrown to him that were inc. D+.

WR: Shaw, who is apparently emerging as the leader of this corps, led the way with 4 grabs for 52 yards. Ward also had 4 grabs, though mostly on piddly stuff. Troy had only 2 grabs. Malcolm Johnson never saw the field. Stewart was used very rarely at WR, catching just 3 balls for 21 yards. B.

TE: Breuner, probably fearful of getting cut once Cowher resigns, caught 3 passes --- a career night --- and turned 1 piddly little completion into a nice gainer by busting the tackle and rumbling upfield. Lyons had 1 grab. B+.

OL: The line was its usual shabby self. Not one of these men should feel proud at all after tonite's miserable showing. Wayne Candy got literally thrown to the ground like a ragdoll by Brackens, who the sacked the QB. Conrad continued to play the role of a turnstile, allowing regular pressure with no more resistance than a prophylactic holding up the Hoover Dam. Duffy bogged down some plays. All in all, pretty piss poor. D.


DL: Yet another day of mediocrity, except for Roye. Orph rumbled around and made a couple forces and stuff. Henry knifed in once, but otherwise was dominated by Boselli. Fat Joel Steed, who is paid $3 mill per year to "plug the middle", instead used his thumb to plug his fat behind. He was getting pushed about like a pansie. Staat, as usual, did nothing. Vrabel, who makes a big play once every 2 years, caused a fumble with a nice hit on Barlow. The pass rush and pocket push was non-existent. Roye, A. All others, D.

LB: This Kirk and Holmes, as is their nature, led the way, doing a fair job of stuffing the run. Jax learnred from the Cinci game films, that there's no need to waste a OT on an OLB, so Jax was able to then use that tackle on an ILB. Fat Boy Kirk also broke up a pass in the EZ. The OLBs essentially played like spewed regurgitation. Since ESPN had extra camaras for the national TV game, each of these men was exposed on antional TV for the fraud that they are. Gildon had a miserable game, making 4 solos, but 2 of them came on the Jags final drive after the game was 20-6 and the clock winding way down. TE Damon Jones --- a BACKUP --- bullied Gildon and Emmons around as though they were little schoolgirls. And, on one 3rd and one run, Gildon had Stewart at the LOS, but Stewart shrugged off The Dong like a harmless gnat, and bulled ahead for 4 yards. Stats are so often a travesty of justice, and tonite was a perfect example. Emmons was credited with 2 sacks. 1 was on the 2d play of the game, when Brunnell, after having plenty of time in the pocket, scramble to his left, and then ran untouched OOB for a 2-yard loss. Since The Accpetor, Carlos Emmons, was the closest guy, he inexplicably got credit for a sack. Early in the 2d qtr, Emmons recorded an easy untouched Dong Sack. All in all, the pass pressure for the OLBs was as insignificant as a gerbil turd. Emmon's run stuffing was just about as atrocious as Gilon's. On Stewart's long 40-yard gain, Emmons had an easy chance to corral Stewart for a 5-yard gain, but clumsily allowed Stewart to break his tackle and proceed for the long gainer. On the 3rdf and 10 completion in the 2d qtr, Shields had the WRs legs held in palce, and Emmons came in & could have made a devastating finishing tackle. Instead, the dildoboy whiffed, and worse, his whiff took Kirkland out of the play. ILBs, B. OLBs, F.

DB: A spotty effort from this gang. DeWayne bit on a weak fake, and then mis-calculated his jump, on the Smith TD. Very poor. otherwise, his run tackling was crisp. Townsend was picked on a bit. Shields got some PT and did ok. C.

Spec Teams: Josh punted very well, and Kris hit 2 more FGs. Lance blundered pitifully on downing the 1 long punt, allowing it to leak into the EZ. Porter made a great play on partially blocking a punt. Edwards dropped 1 punt but we luckily recovered. A-.

Off Coord: With nothing to lose, and Prozac, the supposedly savvy veteran at WB, you'd think Gaypride might open up a lil' of the offense and incorporate Stewart a bit. Wrong. Gayrpride ran the same 15-cent offense we've run all season, and it sucked. Stewart was on the field for a meager handful of plays, until the very bitter end of the game. Gaypride simply ran the same Grab Bag Offense and he picked plays out of it as he's done all year. Gaypirde was supposed to be the king of innovation, and tonite was his chance to show his stuff, but his biggest innovation tonite was sending Witman on an 8-yard slant rather than the ever-popular 3-yard out. D.

Def Coord: Jim Asslet continues to show what a dimwitted stoolpigeon he really is. 3rd and 10, against 1 of the better o-lines in the league, and the fool calls for a 3-man rush. Time and time again, we had Jax in 3rd and 17, 3rd and 21, etc, only to see a Softee, Dairy Delight defense get shredded by Jax for big plays. The sooner Asslet gets hired by another team, the better off we'll be. D.

Head Coach: What a shameful effort by Field Goal Bill. He all but crucified Travis Davis after last week's glaring boner, so he then INSISTS on starting the simpleton over rookie S. Sheilds, who clearly has earned more PT and is without question the man of the future for that job. He benches Stewart, and is also hit by injury to 2 veteran WRs, yet he rations Stewart as though he's "saving him for the playoffs". Maclolm Johnson rode the pine and probably never even stood up, other than to shake the kinks out of his legs and back. Nothing Cowhead does make any sort of coherent sense. F.


Not much to add -- we got beat by a better prepared, better coached, more talented team. Period. Our offense showed no sign of improvement at all, and the sagging defense is downright embarrassing. It's hard to fathom anything penetrating that thick skull that resides insides FGB's hard head (as well as Tom Dumbahoe's head), but I believe that only continual losing will penetrate that titanium-like alloy. A cheap win will only gloss over the warts and cracks that exist. Continual losses -- which seem ready to come at us in bunches --- will hopefully expose these warts and ultimately get Cowhead to step down and move on.

The Still Mill

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