CIA Rules out Steelers Staff in Attack
(AP) The CIA has issued a public announcement, ruling out Steeler coaches Bill Cowher, Mike Mularkey, and Tim Lewis of any involvement with the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center and The Pentagon.�
�This was a very well rehearsed, well orchestrated, well coordinated attack,� said an unnamed CIA spokesman at the hastily arranged press conference in nearby Somerset, PA, where a terrorist-commandeered 747 jet crashed earlier this morning.� �This attack obviously involved considerable planning, preparation, coordination, accuracy, precision, surprise, initiative, and audacity.�� Frankly, from what we saw from the Stillers 2 days ago, plus what we have on-file in our field observations from the past 3 years, the CIA has conclusively determined that there is no possibility whatsoever that Cowher and his staff could have had anything to do with such a cohesive, well coordinated attack.�
The CIA did admit, however, that had the attack been sloppy, timid, and poorly designed, and had it been performed by men throwing explosives at each building from a distance of no more than 6 yards, then Cowher�s staff would have been immediately suspected and investigated.
(Note: The Stillers.com staff sends out its heartfelt condolences to the friends and families of those injured or killed in this cowardly attack.� We wholeheartedly support and urge the American government to take swift and lethal retaliatory action against whatever terrorist group performed this act of violence.)