The GilDong Report (Game #11, vs. Cinci)
In
light of many a fan being bamboozled and ga-ga over Jason Gildong's paper statistics
the past 4-plus seasons, I've devoted considerable time the past 3 seasons to
monitor the work of the exceptionally average Jason Gildon.� Big Jason has been famous enough with his
coverage sacks, flop sacks, the QB-slipped-on-the-wet-turf sacks, the OT
totally forgot his blocking assignment sacks, and so on, that the NFL
designated a new statistic, called the "Dong Sack�", in honor of
Jason Gildong. (Some fantasy football leagues are incorporating this into their
point systems.)� Again in '02, I'll take
time to expose The Flopper, Jason Gildon, for the fraud that he truly is.
gim�crack (j
m
kr
k
)� n. A cheap and showy object of little or no
use; a gewgaw.� adj : tastelessly showy;
cheap; gaudy.� "a flash car";
"a flashy ring"; "garish colors"; "a gaudy
costume"; "loud sport shirts"; "tawdry
ornaments".� The origin
of gimcrack is uncertain. It is
perhaps an alteration of Middle English gibecrake,
"a slight or flimsy ornament."
Flimsy
indeed.� Jason Gildon, well known as Jason
the Gimcrack, showed exactly how worthy of his nickname he is, in a
lackluster, halfhearted effort versus lowly Cinci.� Jason -- supposedly this big, brawling, he-man linebacker, did
nothing; impacted nothing; forced nothing; hit nothing; attacked nothing; and,
as his nickname suggests, showed beyond all doubts that he is a showy object of
little or no use.� Known around the
league as The Paper Tiger for his ability to compile paper
statistics, Jason had 0 solos and 2 assists (as can be seen on the
NFL.com play-by-play), not the 1 solo and 1 assist as listed in the post-game
"box score".�
{Speaking
of stats, we've expanded our "Dong stats" for the 2002 season.� In addition to the ever popular, generally
accepted dong principles (GADP, similar to GAAP) of the Dong Sack, we're
added a few more for this season, specifically to aid in the accurate tracking
of Jason GilDong's value (or lack thereof) to the team.� These new stats are:
- Flailing
whiffs.� Jason, the renown master of
the Flop & Flail, has done this with such frequency and adroitness
that this stat is a surefire addition to the NFL's lexicon.� This stat will include the infamous Flop
& Flail, in which Jason flops to his knees and then feebly flails, as well
as the numerous varieties of Jason's awkward, duckfooted flails against
ballcarriers that are otherwise dead to rights against an NFL tackler who
actually knows something about technique, balance, and hitting.�
- 1st
downs allowed.� 1st downs are the
piranhas that eat away at a defense and allow the offense to chew clock, win
field position, and move the ball into scoring range.� Personally allowing a first down is an egregious boner that
allows the enemy's offense to remain on the field and forces the defense to
stay out longer.
- TDs
allowed.� Obviously, the bottom line
in football is the scoreboard, and allowing a TD is such a bad play that about
12 sacks are required to even come close to atoning for it.}�
In chrono order, here's a
recap of Big Jason's game versus Cinci (although this will be fairly short,
because when a player stands around and does nothing the ENTIRE game, there
isn't much to analyze:
- On the 4th & 9 in the
1st Cinci drive, Kitna faded back to pass.�
At the snap, Big Jason rushed in and was solo-blocked met by one man, RT
Willie Anderson.� See pic, below:
The back slips out of the
backfield and never touches Big Jason, despite the absurd cries from The
GilDongites that "Jason is being double teamed and chip-blocked on every
play".�
Jason proceeds on his
FishHook WLR (Wide Loop Rush)�.
�and
as you can see, below, is doing absolutely nothing more than pulling his
pudd.� He's in no position to harass,
hurry, hit, or disrupt Kitna at all.�
But remember, according� to the
whining of the team captain, it's all about "scheme", and has nothing
to do with a $23M "pro bowler" doing jack shit on a pass rush.�
-
On� a 2d & 12 at 2:26 1Q, Kitna
faded back to pass.� At the snap, Jason
came off the LOS and into the backfield unblocked and untouched, despite the
bauble that he is always blocked by a phalanx of opposing blockers.� A RB came over and blocked Big Jason, who
then threw a 1-armed flail at Kitna, missing weakly.� Smith made the stop.�
-
On a 3d & 10 at 8:55 2Q, Kitna faded back to pass.� As usual (see below), Jason was blocked by
ONE, and only ONE, man.
����� 
�The RB clearly scoots out into the pattern.� No "chip block" here, unlike the
pathetic cries from the GAA (GilDong Apologists Assocation).���
There's
Jason, below, doing jack-shit nothing against Anderson, which allows Kitna a
15-foot radius to scan the field, and then step up and complete the 36-yard
pass to Warrick.� But remember,
according to The Gimcrack, it's the SCHEME that is causing Jason to take
on ONE blocker and doing nothing but play pattycakes.�
-
On the very next play, Dillon took a delay HO up RT.� Jason came off the LOS and did his customary WLR, blind and
oblivious to anything and everything.�
The TE, Schobel -- who was SOLO blocking Big Jason -- gave The Gimcrack
a little shove, and the he-man pro bowler left a gaping hole for Dillon
to dash through for 10 yards.�
-
Two plays later, the Bungals ran just about the same running play, handing the
ball off to Dillon up RT.� The pic below
shows Big Jason prior to the snap�.
�
- At the snap, Jason moves
into the Cinci backfield, and is blocked by ONE man, RT W. Anderson.� Jason, as blind as a bat and as dumb as a
doorknob, doesn't read or recognize that this is a running
play.� Instead, he keep LOOP RUSHING
(see photos below) while Dillon runs right by thru a GAPING hole the width of
the Monongahela River.� Dillon, of
course, walked untouched for a touchdown, while the $23M Gimcrack did
absolutely nothing�.except loop himself right out of the play and open up a
Grand Canyon-sized hole.� The
GilDongites, of course, call this kind of lame, sorry-assed football
"containment".�
-
On a 2d & 10 at 3:25 2Q, Dillon ran up RT.�
Jason was SOLO blocked by one man -- TE M. Schobel.� Aaron Smith made the initial hit and wrap of
Dillon, and Jason cut inside Schobel and got a cheesy assist.�
-
A few plays later, on a 3 & 1 on the Pit 2, Dillon took the ball up RG on a
plunge.� Jason was thoroughly tooled and
bullied by Schobel, doing absolutely nothing to stuff the hole or stop the run.� In fact, Jason stood UPRIGHT the entire
play, never making a dive or a "tackling maneuver" to try to slow
down or stop Dillon, who easily plowed into the EZ for a TD.� Most fans have ridiculed Mike Jones for this
play.� Let's not forget -- Jones was out
of football for a MONTH -- no practice, no hitting, no games.� And he makes a meager salary, probably not
much above the vet minimum. Meanwhile, Jason GilDong has been practicing,
hitting, and playing in games, and is the defensive captain�yet all the $23M
GIMCRACK does on this play is remain erect -- as though he were reading
Playgirl -- and get mauled and bitch-slapped by a solo-blocking TE.�
-
On a 1st & 10 at 8:20 3Q, Dillon ran up RT.� Big Jason gave a weak, 1-armed flail, which did nothing to impede
Dillon, and then The Gimcrack got buried into the turf.�
-
Two plays later, Jason did his WLR on 3d & 8.� He was credited on NFL.com: "pressure by Gildon", but
the so-called pressure from the fishhook loop was minimal, meager pressure from
the REAR of Kitna, who had plenty of time and plenty of room to scan the field
and step up and make a throw.
-
On a 2d & 5 at 5:20 3Q, Dillon took the ball up RG.� Jason was SOLO blocked on this play by the
TE, M. Schobel -- not by the 8 blockers as claimed by Ron Cook and Jim Waxall.� All Schobel did on this play was to
relentlessly smack, buffet, and bully Big Jason unmercifully for a full 4
seconds, in which Jason was never able to blast back or slip off the block.� PITIFUL�but that's what ya get from the $23M
gimcrack.
-
A few plays later, on 2d & 4 at 9:194Q, Dillon again ran up RT.� GilDong was mauled once again by Schobel,
who shove the big, he-man LB wide.�
Jason finally came off the block, and got a cheesy, uninspiring
arm-tackle assist on Dillon.�� Very
cheesy, but when you're the Queen of Cheeze, you take and accept whatever
cheesy stats you can accumulate.��
Dillon, of course, got an easy 4 yards and the 1st down.
-
On the very next play, Kitna faded back to pass.� As you can see in the pic below, Jason is quite visibly blocked
by ONE man, the RT.� Not 2, or 3, or 4
blockers�and not "chip blocked" by a TE or a FB.� ONE BLOCKER, 'tis all.
-
Jason, of course, proceeds to do his WLR, below.
-
As Kitna is just about to release this pass, look at Big Jason GilDong --
getting shoved by Anderson and stumbling a good 5 yards AWAY from the QB like a
complete oaf�.like a complete stumblebum.�
But hey, when you're making $23M and you're the team captain, you can do
anything you want -- even if it is totally worthless & totally
ineffective.�� This pass, of course, was
completed to Schobel for a TD.�
-
On a 2d & 6 at 1:20 4Q, Dillon again ran up RT.� And why not -- the Bungals exploited GilDong all day.� Jason did his usual WLR -- without
recognizing anything -- and the RT merely shoved Jason on his way.� Jason ended up a full 7 yards into the
Bengal backfield, while Dillon was sauntering thru a massive hole for 8 yards
and a 1st down.� So much for
"contain".
To summarize:�
Jason had 0 solos and 2 assists -- both assists coming on cheesy
"add ons" in which another defender had already made the initial hit
and wrap.� Other than that, Big Jason
GilDong didn't do jack shit the entire game.�
60 minutes of football, and Jason the Gimcrack contributed about 6
seconds of perspiration.
Sacks?� None.�
Hurries?� None.� Hits on the QB?� None.� Forced
turnovers?� None.� Hard hits?�
None.� Meaningful impact on the
game?� None.�
Sure enough, we'll hear
more babble from Ron Cook and The GilDongites, "�but�but
Jason was back in coverage practically the whole game."� No, he was not. Counting plays with flags
and plays in which the QB ran, Jason rushed the QB 36 times, while dropping
back in coverage only 3 times.� That's
right -- Big Jason rushed the QB 9 times more than he covered, but The Gimcrack
has the gaul to bitch and moan about "scheme".� The only problem with "scheme" is
that this coaching staff insists on playing the overpaid $23M Gimcrack, while
better, tougher, hungrier players sit on the bench.
"But Jason is being
ganged upon by opponents�.he has to beat double and triple teams every play to
get to the QB."� Once again,
another pathetic, baldfaced fallacy that has exactly zero grounding in fact.� Jason performed some designed stunts, in
which he stunted to the inside, and sometimes he ran into a "2nd
blocker" (such as the center) who threw a jab while helping both the LG
and RG with protection.� And
sporadically, Jason faced some "man & a half" blocking" on
pass rushes.� But sure enough, we'll
hear experts like Ron Cook and members of the GAA, who will tell you how badly
Jason is being picked on with a phalanx of blockers hitting him on each
and every play.�
It's high time the
Pittsburgh media stopped coddling this sorry slacker and started treating The
Gimcrack for what he is: an overpaid, fraudulent slouch who expends little
energy, does nothing, and is clearly inferior to 3rd-year LB Clark
Haggans.� It's also high time the supposed
captain and leader look in the mirror and start accepting blame and
responsibility, as I
noted earlier this week in response to GilDong's pathetic grouching and
bellyaching.�
If anyone doubts the
validity of The GilDong Report, then go ahead and re-watch the game on tape,
and compare what you observe to what the report covers.� Don't have the game on tape?� Then make it a point to isolate on Big
Jason, and only Big Jason, on perhaps 40% (or more) of the plays next
week.� Soon enough, you'll join the
legions of Steeler fans who have finally seen through the ridiculous fa�ade of
The Kong of Dong�The Princess of Cheeze, Jason GilDong�.and now know the truth
about what a fraud this imposter truly is.�
Season to date totals
for Jason, in 11 games:
Earned Sacks: 1
Dong Sacks�: 1.5
Bullshit "sacks" on plays that actually netted positive rushing
yardage:� 1
Strips, Jars, fumbles caused: 0�
INTs caused: 0
Flailing Whiffs: 17
First downs allowed: 26
TDs allowed:� 4
