Fixing the Stillers (Oct 21st, 2003)

 

The Stillers, in the midst of their "bye break" after a dismal 2-4 start, hope to turn things around before the season spirals out of control.� To do that, of course, will require change.� A change in personnel, a change in tactics, a change in philosophies.� The blind stupidity that got this team into this 2-4 mess simply cannot continue if there's any hope of securing a playoff spot.�

 

Of course, as my esteemed colleague, Steel Phantom, so adroitly pointed out, the Stillers coaching staff has already pissed away much of the free time from this bye week, using a grand total of 2 out of 7 days for work.�

 

That act of stupidity aside, here's what needs to be done -- what needs to be fixed -- for this team to turn it around in this sorry, under-achieving campaign.� On a related note, please read Phantom's gem, "Fixing a Hole", which is a tremendous read on ailments for this team's problems.� In nearly all cases, Phantom and I agree on the problems and solutions at hand.� We see a few things differently, and our styles and approaches are different enough that I think it's worthy to publish two articles that address the same thesis: fix what is broke.�

 

Fixing the Offense:

 

1.� Fix the O-line.�� Duh.�� I've harped on this in Loose Slag articles the past 6 weeks.� It's water under the bridge, but 2 Fingers Simmons should have been sat down, if not prior to the regular season, then certainly after the opener.� Ditto for Fordham.�� The real root problem in this O-line mess is not injury, or free agency, or scheme, or any other gibberish you may have heard.� The root cause for the O-line woes is the ass-puckering fear factor of one Billy Cowher, who is too afraid and too chickenshit to play an offensive lineman who "hasn't done it before" -- in front of Billy's own eyes -- in the NFL.� Nkwenti, Okobi, and Vincent are all in their 3rd NFL season.� Each has been to THREE mini-camps and THREE training camps, along with THREE preseasons and 3 full seasons worth of practice, film study, lectures, and so forth.� Yet none has been deemed worthy enough to step onto an NFL gridiron unless injury has decimated every other available option.� It's chickenshit management at its worst.� Apparently, all of these players need, oh, another 4 seasons of grooming and tutelage before they're ready for NFL football.� It comes down to this simple fact:� if these men aren't good enough to play in the NFL, then they should have been cut a LONG time ago.� If they are good enough to have stuck around for THREE preseason's worth of cuts, then apparently they're good enough to warrant play.� But Billy Cowher loves the self-licking ice cream cone.�� They've never played before, so under Cowher's brilliant leadership, they can't play until they get experience and "get a feel for the scheme and the playbook".� But they cannot get that experience if they never play.�� So, the end result is the vicious cycle of never playing, thereby never getting experience, thereby generating the excuse that they're too inexperienced to play, thereby never playing, and so on and so forth.�

 

Don't forget -- Cowher's the same moron who rotted Joey Porter�.Hines Ward�Amos Z�.and actually cut Hank Fraley and Dan Kreider.� When he's given PT to greenhorns, it's because he was FORCED to do it out of grave necessity created by free agency &/or injury.�

 

The O-line solution has been staring Cowshit in the face for at least 8 weeks.� He's merely been too blind and stubborn to see it.� The O-line, from left to right, should be Nkwenti, Faneca, Hartings, Vincent, and Smith.� Okobi should have his helmet on at all times to spell Hartings, and should be used in a platoon role if Hartings is really having a tough time with pain and stamina.� This all is very similar to what Phantom proposed.� He favored a platoon of Nkwenti/Fordham, but I've seen enough shitty play from Fordham to sit him down permanently unless injuries mount.� Like Phantom, I'm in favor of keeping Faneca at LG.� His unparalleled skill in pulling, as well as a mauling presence at the point of attack, is just too scarce to give up.� As I've stated before, I'm willing to give Simmons another chance several weeks down the road, but he needs to build up his strength and stamina before that is even considered.� Ross is pitiful, but at least he can back up at either tackle spot if an injury occurs.�

 

If Smith cannot play, then Faneca is forced to move to tackle.� A variation to this could have been the use of Vincent at tackle.� Vincent actually has the size, frame length, and footwork to be able to play tackle, but Cowher�s refusal to even give Vincent some work at tackle in camp makes this a bridge too far right now.� If Faneca has to play LT, then Okobi must be the player to come off the bench.� Ross, Fordham, and Simmons absolutely must sit the bench.�

 

2.� Use the TE.� And by TE, I mean Jay Reimersma.� There's been loads of cries about bringing Stonefoot Bruener back into the lineup.� The PG's Ted Bouchette even showed his idiocy by claiming, "The Stillers have a TE who drops TD passes and can't block."� It's pure bullshit, but when you have as many media members who have gushed and fawned all over Bruener the past 9 years, it's to be expected.� It was Reim, not Bruener, who paved the way for Bettis' game-tying 2-point run.� We've heard all this sobbing and crying about, "The other teams are playing Cover 2."� This means the TE ought to be WIDE OPEN, especially when teams are run blitzing their LBs.� The problem has been a stodgy offense that, because they've eschewed using the TE the past 9 years, feels obligated to ignore the TE once again this season.� The Stillers have stubbornly refused to pass to their TE and incorporate their TE into the passing game.� It hasn't worked.� Use the damn TE.��

 

3.� Make the 4WR set a productive, dangerous set.� The Stillers have used 4 wides, but not that often, and not with any kind of malice.� When they've gone 4-wide, it's often been with Reim or Amoz as the 4th man split wide.� Go 4 wide with 4 WRs.� The lack of WR production after their 3 top WRs is reprehensible.� Get a 4th WR -- anyone -- involved in this offense�ASAP.� Lee Mays wowed everyone at camp with his speed and athleticism, and we all recall him getting open on a deep route in last year's playoff tilt vs. Tenn.� If nothing else, Mays ought to be sent DEEP to clear out some room, and he ought to be thrown a few balls in the process.� "Cover 2" is not a defensive panacea; it's an excuse.� Like any other defense ever devised, there are seams and weaknesses to be exploited.� Exploit it with better creativity and malice from the 4WR set.�

 

4.� Stop the gutless football in the red zone.� Every time this team enters the red zone, Cowher's ass puckers up as tight as Rooney's wallet, and the whole offense goes into bog-down mode.� FatBoy Bettis comes in and runs a plunge or 2, followed by the clever 4-yard crossing pattern or the hitch route at the 6-yard line.� Plex is a physical mismatch against almost any other DB in the NFL.� Throw him the high ball and let him make the play.� We saw a well-covered Rod Smith still make the play and snare the ball for the huge TD over DeWayne Washington.� Let Plex TRY to make the same kind of play.� Plus, there's Chris Doering, who is far bigger than almost any DB who will be covering him.� It's rather hard to score a TD in the red zone if you don't TRY to score a TD.� Mularkey and Cowshit need to stop the gutless mentality and start going for the jugular in the RZ.�

 

5.� Use the flare pass.� As Desi pointed out here earlier this season, the Stillers treat the flare pass like it�s a biohazard.� Yes, they flip occasional passes to Amoz or Kreider, but these are almost always passes in which the RB has his back facing the defense, or is running into the sidelines, or is at a complete standstill.� The true flare pass hits the back while he is moving and facing toward the defense.� And the major recipients should be Amoz, Haynes, and El, not a fat slowpoke like Bettis.�

 

Fixing the Defense:

 

Most everyone concentrates on the offense's woes, but the defense has been downright sorry.� Whatever few good-looking stats they have, are nothing more than the by-product of facing a rookie QB (Boller) starting in his first game in the NFL, as well as facing the most decrepit QB in the NFL, Steve Beuerlein.� The defense has been soft, cheezy, and about as intimidating and hard-hitting as Mr. Roper on "Three's Company".� It's time for some long overdue changes.���

 

1.� Stop the trigonometry, get back to hitting.� When it's all boiled down, defense is all about out-hitting the opposition, and then punishing whoever has the football.� Ask yourself this:� In 6 games, how many bone-jarring, tooth-rattling hits have you seen by this defense?�� 1?�� Maybe 2?�� Try reciting any of them.�� And when has a WR been laid out by this defense?� When has a RB been punished so hard that he stumbled off the field in a daze?�� When has a QB this season been brutalized so badly that he limped off the field in agony, with the look of defeat on his face?�� It ain't happened at all; not by a long shot.� We all see a plethora of supersonic, skull-cracking hits on ESPN and the highlight reels, but not a damn one in SIX games by the Stillers.� That's absolutely pathetic, and coming from a city that prides its defense, it's downright embarrassing.�

 

This defense needs to get out of its paralysis by analysis mode and into a simpler, seek and destroy mode.� Cowshit is so worried about defending the spread, that instead of making savvy adjustments, he's got his players tasked to perform trigonometric calculations before and during each and every play.� Troy Pola has obviously been affected the worst by this, but he's by no means alone.� When an entire defense goes 6 games without registering a single crushing hit on any opposing player, you know this defense is afflicted with too much thinking and not enough mean-spirited mayhem.� Instead of reacting, this defense needs to start forcing the issue, with hard-hitting, hell bent play, and all-out hustle to the football.�

 

2.� Get the best playmakers on the field.� Cowshit has once again fallen victim to his self-licking ice cream cone regarding young, inexperienced players, as well as his cookie-cutter approach to the 3-4 defense.�

 

Ike Taylor should be worked into this defense, along with Pola and Hope.� Burnt Alexander is the league's biggest joke at FS, yet he continues to start with no end in sight.� The CB who covered Plex Burress last week has less size, less speed, and less pedigree than Ike Taylor, yet he was allowed the opportunity to start in lieu of a healthy, Pro Bowl CB.� That's why Shanahan has won 2 Super Bowls and Cowher hasn't -- nor will he ever -- won any.� 2nd-round rookie Zo Jackson has been banished to wearing street clothes during the past 4 games, while Larry Foote -- who wouldn't be on the 53-man roster of at least 28 NFL teams -- gets to dress and play. ��Jackson's quickness, huge wing span, and uncanny pass rushing instincts would make him a tremendous threat as a pass rusher on a team desperate for pass pressure, but alas, Billy Cowher's stupid stubbornness and ass-puckering fear of playing rookies means this player is banished to bench rot for the rest of the season.��

 

The LB corps is the group in the 3-4 that is supposed to be the impact makers and difference makers.� Of course, as I'd noted way back last season, Tiny Tim Lewis has this cruel dilemma:� his best pass-rushing LB is his best coverage LB, and his weakest pass-rushing LB is, by far, his worst coverage LB.� Joey Porter's excellent coverage skills take him out of far too many rushing chores.� Opposing offense love seeing Joey back in coverage, much like opponents love seeing a Jason Giambi laying down a sacrifice bunt, or a Tim Duncan doing nothing but setting picks, or a Joe Sakic doing nothing but mucking in the corners on his own end of the ice.� The enemy of the best is the good.� While it's nice that Joey is adroit in pass coverage, every time he's run off into coverage by a decoy is a play in which he cannot strip, hurry, or punish the QB.� Then there's the defense's true weak link, and weakest rushing LB and weakest coverage 'backer, Jason GilDong.� James Farrior is every bit as good -- if not better -- a passrusher as GilDong, who has done nothing more than weakly tittyfight and loop rush all season long in pass-rushing chores.� Dropped into coverage, GilDong is so clumsy a coverage-man, and such a weak, inept open-field tackler, that the team would be better off using someone like long-snapper Mike Schneck as a coverage 'backer.� When it comes to liability, Jason GilDong is all that and more, and because of that, it puts an incredible damper on what the other 10 men can do on this defense.� Meanwhile, Farrior arrived in Pittsburgh some 18 months ago, hailed as �The Great Winged God of LB coverage�, who was going to be a �true 3-down LB� to replace the �2-down LB�, Earl Holmes.� So what has Farrior done quite a bit of this season?� He has sat on the bench, far too often, in passing downs.� Yes, go figure.� �

 

For true versatility and all-around hitting, desire, and coverage, Farrior, Porter, and Bell should never leave the field.� In a nickel defense, GilDong should be the man to sit down, and in the dime Kimo or Hampton, along with The Gilded Dong, should be given a breather.�

 

Sadly enough, GilDong's benching will never happen.� GilDong is doing the equivalent of a clean-up hitter who, 60 games into a season, is hitting .213 with 3 HRs and 15 RBI.� But Billy Cowher, ever the GilDong lover, is too mulestubborn to sit down this totally unproductive slacker and insert someone else who will hit and contribute far more.�

 

3.� Related to the need to get back to hitting, and getting playmakers onto the field, the defense needs to start dictating by tactics and attacking the opponent.� Opposing WRs need to be jammed and physically punished at the LOS.� The Stillers promulgate the strangest of paradoxes.� They insist on drafting big, strong CBs, yet then out rightly refuse to allow them to come up once in a while to jam the piss out of the receiver.� By no means should the CBs play in-your-face the entire game, but fer chrissakes, it ought to happen more often than once per month.�

 

The front 7 needs to ATTACK opposing QBs.�� Prime example: you saw Tim Slouch sit back in the pocket, sipping tea and nibbling on crumpets while picking apart our defense at a 90%+ completion rate.� What�s Slouch done in other games?� Nothing.� He�s been putrid.� He was so putrid last week that he got BENCHED.� Currently, the vast majority of our pass rush is a 4-man rush, comprised of GilDong, Smith, Hampton, and Kimo.� GilDong, as we all have seen with our very own eyes, has done NOTHING to harass or pressure against SINGLE blocking, other than looping waaaaay wide, or jousting with the blocker�s breasts.� Fat Casey Hampton, between fighting double-teams on running plays and fighting a massive girth, is too pooped to do anything more on his pass rush than �clog the middle� 1 yard deep into the backfield.� Smith and Kimo have been, by far, the most effective harassers out of this 4-man rush, but it�s obviously not been nearly enough.� Bell and Porter MUST creatively be used more to rush the passer.� GilDong, as noted above, needs to SIT.� Bailey needs to spell Fat Casey on obvious passing downs.� Zo Jackson needs to see work as a pass-rushing specialist.� Ultimately, Tiny Tim Lewis has to make these adjustments, and then he�s got to build blitz packages that overwhelm on offense at a decisive center of gravity to produce harassment & disruption of the QB.� Remember, I�m not talking about �sacks� � the most over-rated stat in all of pro sports � I�m talking about harassment and disruption, of which there�s been virtually NONE this entire season.�

 

Fixing the special teams:

 

1.� Get the best return from the return game.� This means using Ike Taylor and Freddie Millions on KO returns, and perhaps using Millons at times on punt returns.� As I've stated time and time again, El is not a kickoff returner, at all.� And El hasn't exactly been tearing up the NFL with his punt returns this season, either.�

 

2.� Establish some headhunting and hitting.� Like the defense, these spec teams have no malice, no hitting, and no intensity.� Kreiwalt has been a rare exception.� It'd be nice to see these spec teams punish the piss out of an opposing returner, or at least knock an opposing tackler or blocker into next week.� It'd be nice to set the tempo and fire up the crowd with a crushing hit on spec teams.�

 

Summary:

 

None of these fixes are illogical, nor are any of them impossible to implement.� I haven't asked, for example, to replace Maddox by signing CBS commentator Danny Marino, or moving Plexico to free safety.�

 

Fans shouldn't cry poor, claiming that injury and a lack of talent are the problem.� Every team has injuries, and there's no dearth of talent on this roster.� This roster was easily capable of winning 11 games, especially given the cream-puff division the Stillers reside in.� Cowher, ever resistant to change, needs to read the nationwide best seller, Who Moved My Cheese?� Dullardly stubbornness hasn't gotten it done thus far in '03.� Changes must be made.� It's up to Marty Jr, Billy Cowher, to make it happen.�

 

 

(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- the only nationally read coverage on the Pittsburgh Stillers that has accurately predicted the how's and the why's of the past 3 Stiller playoff losses�.)