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The GilDong Report (Game 6, vs. Tenn.)

November 01, 2001 by Still Mill


The GilDong Report (Game #6, vs. Tenn.)

In light of many a fan being bamboozled and ga-ga over Jason Gildong�s 11 sacks in �98 --- despite only 2 being anywhere near "earned sacks" --- I�ve devoted considerable time the past 2 seasons to monitor the work of the exceptionally average Jason Gildon. Gildon, as you may recall, hoodwinked enough voters in �00 to be voted in to a reserve spot in the Pro Bowl. Jason has been famous enough with his coverage sacks, flop sacks, the QB-slipped-on-the-wet-turf sacks, the OT totally forgot his blocking assignment sacks, and so on, that the NFL designated a new statistic, called the "Dong Sack™", in honor of Jason Gildong. (Some fantasy football leagues are incorporating this into their point systems.) Again in '01, I'll take time to expose Jason Gildon for the fraud that he truly is.

Gildon, in the midst of a sub-mediocre season and feeling the spirit of Halloween, had a game that, on paper, looked to be at least decent, but in reality was simply another in the long line of Casper the Ghost disappearing acts in which Jason masqueraded as an NFL linebacker. Big Jason finished the game with a whopping 2 solos tackles, a sack, and a forced fumble.

The first tackle, which resulted in a forced fumble, was actually a fluky play. George ran the ball up RG. Gildon, who was slanting in on the play, was getting partially blocked from the side, and aimlessly stuck a paw out at George. Although Gildon's hand never did touch the ball, he apparently got just enough of George's arm to dislodge the ball, although I was never able to tell from the taped replays exactly how the usually sure-handed George allowed the ball to slip out. In fact, the paw of Gildon was so light that it didn't slow George down a bit. Gildon also recovered the fumble, got up, and then, true to his nature, was tackled by the opposing quarterback, McNair.

Jason had a rousing assist at 3:55 of the 2Q. McNair hit backup RB Mike Green with a middle-dump, and ILB Earl Holmes came up and easily corralled Green. But Gildon -- who had another big game in terms of stack jumping -- jumped on Green as Green was firmly grasped and falling sideways to the ground. For this heroic effort, Big Jason got an assist.

 Jason's other solo came late in the game, in garbage time as the Stillers were leading, 34-7, with 9:44 left in the game. On a 3rd & 15 at the Titan 23-yard line, McNair lined up in the shotgun and faded back to pass. In a fit of stupidity, McNair -- never the brightest bulb in the box -- took a ridiculous drop so far back that he nearly got under his own goalpost, going all the way back to the 12-yard line. (see 2nd picture, below) This resulted in McNair being a full 11 yards back in the pocket -- a distance unheard of at any level of football. Imagine the surprise from Titan RT Fred Miller, who'd spent the entire evening riding GilDong wide on the Wide Loop Rush (WLR), only to see his nimrodded QB standing so far back that he was right in the path of the WLR. McNair, at most, should have set up at the 16-yard line, not the 12. Jason actually whiffed on McNair, foolishly grabbing at the QBs head and whiffing, but then McNair tripped and stumbled as he was trying to scramble forward, thus giving Jason the credit for the sack. This is obviously a Dong Sack, because Jason never beat Miller; rather, Miller rode him wide --- just like "wing-men" do in punt-blocking chores -- and a dimbulb QB set up way too far from the line of scrimmage.



Jason also had a batted pass in this game. As was the case in 2 of his bats last week, this was simply a play in which Jason was getting bullied and getting absolutely no pressure at all on the QB. (see the 3 pics, below.) As you can see, the LOS was the 28-yard line. Jason was initially stymied, and then shifted to his right to see if he could advance at least a few inches toward the QB (see 2nd pic). In the third pic, Jason gets the bat at a spot about 15 inches past the line of scrimmage.


Of course, as in any games that Jason plays in, there are plays that are as laughable as they are feeble. One such play was a toss sweep by George in the 2nd quarter. (see the 3 pics, below) Jason gets solo blocked by the TE and gets mauled off the line of scrimmage, getting shoved back a full 3 yards. Fortunately, a real LB, KenBell, came flying in to make the stop, but this is exactly the kind of soft, wallflower play that will give up good yardage to future opponents.



Then there's Mike Green's 21-yard run in the 4th quarter. Green, hardly a superstar, dashed up left guard and broke thru the line. Big Jason, who was totally untouched and unblocked on the play, came over to lay the hit and make the stop on Green. Instead, GilDong, with tackling technique as sloppy as what you'd find in an schoolyard in America, did his famous "flail and flop", first flailing, and then after whiffing, flopping to the ground while Green continued for another 15 yards. This is no surprise for any Stiller fan, because Jason's tackling technique and distaste for hitting pales in comparison to that of the other 3 Stiller starting LBs, all of whom have text-book tackling technique combined with a sheer joy for hitting.


All in all, yet another weakassed, no-hit game by Big Jason Gildon. Despite being on the field for the entire game, all Jason could muster was 2 solos, one of which was a lucky 1-armed flail that managed to nudge a ball loose, and the other a meaningless Dong Sack late in the game in garbage time. Otherwise, Jason, in the true spirit of Halloween, did a superb job of imitating Casper the Friendly Ghost with yet another clever disappearing act.

Season to date totals for Jason, in 6 games:

Earned Sacks: 1
Dong Sacks™: 2
Strips, Jars, fumbles caused: 1

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