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TheGilDong Report (Game #12, vs. Jets)

December 11, 2001 by Still Mill


The GilDong Report (Game #12, vs. Jets)

In light of many a fan being bamboozled and ga-ga over Jason Gildong's 11 sacks in '98 --- despite only 2 being anywhere near "earned sacks" --- I've devoted considerable time the past 2 seasons to monitor the work of the exceptionally average Jason Gildon. Gildon, as you may recall, hoodwinked enough voters in '00 to be voted in to a reserve spot in the Pro Bowl. Jason has been famous enough with his coverage sacks, flop sacks, the QB-slipped-on-the-wet-turf sacks, the OT totally forgot his blocking assignment sacks, and so on, that the NFL designated a new statistic, called the "Dong Sack™", in honor of Jason Gildong. (Some fantasy football leagues are incorporating this into their point systems.) Again in '01, I'll take time to expose Jason Gildon for the fraud that he truly is.

Jason Gildon continued right where he's been the entire season, with a feeble, half-hearted effort that went far beyond the meager stats of 2 solos and an assist. Don't skip this GilDong Report, as there were a host of weak, inept plays by Gildon that probably were not detected by most fans during the regular course of the game.

Jason's first of two solos came at 11:47 of the 1Q, on the Jets' first drive. Curtis Martin ran a toss sweep to his right. But, as you can see in the photos below, Lee Flowers and Aaron Smith fly into the backfield just as quickly as Martin receives the pitch, and now Martin has a gauntlet to try to run through in photos 2 and 3. In the meantime, Jason Gildon (gold arrow) is left totally untouched and unblocked.


Somehow, in photo 4, Martin is able to pull a Houdini act and stumble his way through the scrum created by Flowers/Smith.


The untouched Gildong, benefiting from the strong work of Smith and Flowers, now has a cake-easy stop of the off-balance Martin. Of course, as per his penchant, Gildong is using totally incorrect tackling technique (see photo 5, below), stooped over with his head and eyes down, instead of leading with the "Riddell" on the forehead of the helmet as you are taught starting in pee wee football.

Jason's other solo came on a 2nd & 13 at 9:03 of the 3Q. Vinny fumbled the snap, but recovered it. He then hastily threw a short out to FB Richie Anderson. Big Jason had dropped back in zone coverage, and meandered over when Anderson made the catch for a whopping 3 yards. As you can see from both the side and back views, below, Anderson (blue arrow) makes a tough, off-balance catch while straddling the sideline chalk before stumbling out-of-bounds. Jason didn't even lay a hand on Anderson, but per the NFL's criteria, gets full credit for a "solo tackle".


Jason also had one assist. On the first play of their second series, the Jets ran a screen to their right. As you can see in photo 1 below, once Martin catches the pass and begins his turn upfield, there are 2 defenders there: Flowers (lower man) and Gildon (gold arrow). Guess which one confronts the lineman, RG Randy Thomas?


You guessed it -- Lethon Flowers. Gildon, never one to initiate contact, meekly stands still with thumb up anus and does nothing. Sure, Gildong was the outside man, but his typical failure to get a read on the play, and take advantage of Lee's gutty take-on of a lineman, and show some f'ing initiative, is sickening.


Joey Porter makes the tackle. As you can see in the last 2 photos, below, Porter has Martin entirely wrapped up in a crisp, bear-hug tackle, and Martin is inches from being down. It is only then that Big Jason decides to tiptoe over and then give a little hit, and this clever little pop on Martin earns Jason an assist on a play that he defended as weakly as a Taliban soldier.


So, just to sum up Jason's 2 solos: one was on a play in which Big Jason was totally unblocked, and he grabbed a RB who'd just squeezed through 2 defenders that had deep penetration into the backfield. The other solo was on a play in which a FB caught a pass just inches from the sideline before momentum carried him OOB, and Jason was the closest defender. Jason's lone assist came when he stood by and watched a screen play go right by him, and then he dove needlessly into the runner as the runner was inches from the ground while being tackled in a very sure manner by another LB.

That's it, folks. Of course, Jason had numerous chances to make more plays than that, but as we will see below, The Dong flubbed, floundered, and flailed throughout the day in one fit of ineptitude after another.

- On the Jets' 2nd play from scrimmage, both Porter and Gildon flashed into the backfield untouched. Meanwhile, Martin gets a handoff and heads up the gut. As you can see, Gildon is actually in the backfield before Porter (who was coming on a delayed blitz after feigning that he was gonna cover a pass). In photo 2, Jason appears to have Martin dead to rights with a perfect angle to lay the wood onto Martin.


But, as is his nature, Jason has no concept of angles, or reacting to other players. Jason starts his patented flop-and-flail....


....and, as usual, whiffs. Joey Porter makes the stop along with Kimo, while Big Jason Gildong, in photo 6, is left humping the ground like an overheated billygoat.


- On the Jets third series, at 10:21 of the 2Q, Martin took a routine handoff and bounced it wide to his right. Meanwhile, Big Jason gets suckered in, sealed, and mauled by TE Anthony Becht...


...Fortunately, the rest of the defense saved his sorry ass and held Martin to a 2-yard gain. But remember -- Jason GilDong is a credible pro bowler.



- Later in the same drive, Martin ran a counter to his right on a 1st & 10. Big Jason (gold arrow) is, as usual, left unblocked at the snap of the ball...


LG Kerry Jenkins (blue arrow) pulls to lead the counter play. In photo 4, Jenkins rabidly mauls and manhandles Big Jason like a blocking dummy.


By photo 5, Jason is completely sealed in like a casket inside a tomb. This is what you call "block acceptance" -- meekly accepting a block without offering any resistance whatsoever. But remember -- Jason really is a credible pro bowler.


- On the very next play, Martin ran a basic play up RT. Jason, as is his penchant, did the WLR (Wide Loop Rush) and was easily shielded out of the play by Anderson, who simply stood there like a bump on a log and still was able to shield-out Gildong. In photo 3, Martin (blue arrow) has a gaping hole to dash through while Big Jason is loop-rushing a man who weighs 25 pounds less than the havoc-wreaking linebacker.


- Two plays later, Jason was once again left alone (amazing how many times the vaunted Gildong is left all alone, week after week) on a Jets pass play. Flowers also rushed on this play, just to the outside of Jason. The Dong is picked up in the backfield by Anderson....


Jason is able to loop around Andy, and in photo 4 has a clear, clean shot at Vinny. But, as is his nature, Jason totally whiffs on the sack, and ends up in photo 5 kneeling on the turf while Flowers corrals the QB.


- On the very next play, from the Pgh. 18, the Jets ran the HB Option pass, which resulted in their lone score. As you can see, Jason is left totally untouched and unblocked at the snap of the ball. Instead of showing some grit, aggression, and tenacity by blasting in and either dumping or harassing Martin, Big Jason pussyfoots around at the 20 and 21 yard line, meekly assessing the situation and doing nothing of any magnitude or worth.


Then, like a total dumbass, Jason starts to BACKPEDAL in photos 3 & 4, as though he really needed to get back to the 19-yard line to guard against Martin completing a pass to the 18 yard line.


The backview of this play is worthy of a look. Jason should do something; instead, he's caught standing around in no-man's land playing his own personal game of Spank The Monkey.



This was an absolutely pathetic play on the part of Jason Gildong. Football players are taught, "When in doubt, do something and hit somebody." Nothing of value was ever gained on a football field by standing around. With no one even touching him at the snap of the ball, Jason should have shot in and attempted to bowl over the smaller Anderson, a man he outweighs by 25 pounds. Instead, the supposed pro bowler stands around SHYING contact and doing absolutely nothing. The great former Stiller LBs must see plays like this, and then vomit in disgust.

- On 3d & 10 at the 9:00 mark of the 3Q, the Jets went to pass the ball. I show this particular play, just to address the continual whines and moans from the media and fans that "Jason is getting double-teamed and is facing blocking that is adjusted towards him." As you can plainly see on this play, the Jets assign ONE man to block Big Jason Gildong -- a tight end, Anthony Becht. This, therefore, allows the Jets to use their 5 linemen to block real and legitimate threats.


- Last, but certainly not least, was the toss sweep the Jets ran on 1st & 10 at 8:46 of the 4Q, from their 37 yard line. FB Richie Anderson had come in motion before the snap, from right to left. At the snap, Andy is about in front of Big Jason, who is standing at the 38-yard line just a few feet outside the hashmarks. Now watch the next 5 pictures, as Anderson bullies and shoves Big Jason from that point, all the way to the sideline near the 40-yard line.




Remember, Anderson is a smaller man than Big Jason, yet is able to perform this continued manhandling on Big Jason. In Photo 7, Martin runs with the ball past the mauled Jason, and he ends up gaining 7 yards on this play while Jason, in photo 8, scurries over to the pile to look important and in search of a stack-jump.


This play, above, is yet another play by Gildong that is called block acceptance. For The Paper Tiger to allow himself to be ridden, bullied, and buffeted in this manner by a smaller man is an outright disgrace. And I don't want to hear any balderdash that Gildon was "just doing his job" in "containment". An OLB can contain this play, and STOP this play, without acting like a pussy and getting repeatedly shoved around by a smaller man so badly that the American Red Cross is rushing toward the field to offer its condolences and to demand an end to the atrocity. This isn't "containment" -- it's called sorry-assed football worthy of a collegiate Division 2 cellar dweller, not as a starting LB in the NFL.

As for pass pressure, Gildong didn't do squat. He stood around titty-fighting the Jets linemen, and got no push, no harassment, and no disruption.

In summary, this was yet another softee, weak-assed effort from the vaunted Gildon. Big Jason, the supposed sackmonging behemoth, stood around most of the game and did nothing -- and I do mean nothing -- to help his team with this ballgame. The Paper Tiger had all of 2 solos, both of which were of the cheezecake variety. And as you've seen from the enclosed photos, there were a host of plays -- including the lone touchdown -- in which Big Jason was flaccid, meek, and entirely too full of pussyfoot, which prevented him from making very do-able plays and instead allowed the Jets to move the ball. Pro Bowl? Surely you jest! The Toilet Bowl would be more appropriate....

Season to date totals for Jason, in 12 games:

Earned Sacks: 2
Dong Sacks™: 5
Strips, Jars, fumbles caused: 2

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