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Stillers-Chargers Postgame Analysis and Grades

December 10, 2012 by Still Mill

Chargers 34, Stillers 23……. Dec 9, 2012 …………Game # 13


Stillers-Chargers Postgame Analysis and Grades


After last week’s sloppy, but big, win over the PoeBirds, the Stillers were supposedly poised to make a “big run down the stretch”.   The “big run” quickly turned into a clumsy, bar-departure stagger, as the entire team stunk and sputtered and got thrashed by a woeful 4-8 team that was days from firing its head coach.  



Ben - as he almost always does when returning from injury, Ben looked timid and meek, and was scattershot a good bit of the game.   After completing his initial pass on (what else?) a bubble screen, he looked like horseshit in the very 1st series, with 2 wretched, into-the-turf inc’s caused by tacky gloves.    A QB throws at least 60 passes in pre-game warm-ups, and it’s not until the first series of the actual game that Ben finds out his gloves are sticker than wet Gorilla Glue ??   Threw a horrible, horseshit INT in the 4Q, waiting too long to pull the trigger and then telegraphing the pass.    

To be fair, he was victimized by drops on long passes to Wally and Brown, plus Brown foolishly failed to get his 2nd foot down on a flag route in the 4Q.   And, Ben was running for his life on far too many plays, thanks to an O-Line who wouldn’t have been able to block North Allegeheny’s defensive front 7.     Still, an off performance.    C    


Redman - ran twice for Zero yards.   Had no grabs.   Obviously, not one of his banner games.  

Dwyer -  Gained 32 on 8 carries, which looks decent.  However, he was unable to convert on a couple short-yardage plays, primarily because he was running like Jon Wittman used to block --  as upright as a giraffe. 

Rainey - carried once for 6 yards before diving to the ground to avoid contact.   

Socrates Mendenhall:  Surprise (sic)….did not dress.  Good thing he was to rabidly taken off PUP (sic).       C+


Johnson - marginal blocking on the few plays he was used.   Inc


Wally - Mister Holdout grabbed the 1st  pass of game, 10 yds.   Danced on end around, lost 1, late 1Q.   This is a play where Wally simply needs to use his speed and take the ball to the corner and get the 2yard gain rather than the 1 yard loss.   Allowed an out pass to CLANG off his hands, 10:13 2Q.    2 plays after being flagged for a hold on a simple line plunge (what kind of a dumbfuck receiver gets flagged for a hold on a gut plunge??), Wally dropped a wide-open bomb, in which he drifted too far to the inside and made the catch tougher than it needed to be.  No one mis-reads and mis-judges balls in the air, worse than Wally and Ike Taylor.   The Clanger finally managed to catch something more than a bubble screen, hauling in a perfect pass for a 40-yard TD late in the 3Q.   He then padded his stats with a fairly meaningless TD catch at 6:07 4Q to cut the deficit to 34-17.  

Brown - On the quick pass that glanced off Paulson at 6:00 3Q, Brown lazily jogged over, in his own END ZONE, and then stooped over like a 90-yard old grandmother to gather in the loose ball, treating the ball as though it were a hissing porcupine.  His weak-assed grab pitifully missed, and he loped a few yards away from the pigskin.  Meanwhile, 2 Chargers jumped on the loose ball for a San Diego TD.  In this situation, you MUST either scoop n’ shove the loose ball or soccer-kick it out of the EZ; either way, you merely give up TWO points, not 7.    A lazy-fuck play by a lazy fuck who clearly has been negatively influenced by The Clanger, Mike Wallace.   Failed to cleanly corral a flag at 8:20 4Q, which caused his 2nd foot to land OOB.  A slop play by a slop receiver.  

Sanders - Had 2 grabs for 36, but very little impact.

Cotch - dropped a deep in after getting drilled by a DB. 

Plex - amazing (for him) pluck, 3d & 12 slant, late 1Q, got 18.  

Overall, this overly flamboyant crew was entirely underproductive, the late-game stat padding be damned.    C-


Miller - dropped a short TD pass late in the game.   Also flagged for a hold in pass pro, 4Q.   He did have 5 grabs for 66 yards.  

Paulsen -  did nothing, aside from getting mauled backwards, after which his buttocks blocked the pass to Brown that was erroneously ruled a lateral and converted into a SD TD.     B-


Starks - again played very solidly and added yet another strong game to what has been an All-Pro caliber season.   

Leggo - inserted at C once The Colon got nicked up in the 1H.  Blown off the ball on 4th & inches, late 2Q.  

Colon - started at guard after sitting out a couple weeks, but then (surprise!) got nicked up and left the game, never to return.   With the plethora of major injuries this guy has sustained the past 3 seasons, did anyone expect anything different to occur?   To the surprise of no one, he was flagged for a false start. To the surprise of no one, his injury is apparently season ending.   Colbert will probably rush out in the offseason and EXTEND Fat Willie, because, after all, “Colon is the best O-lineman on this team”. 

Foster - failed to provide much push at all in the running game, and had some leaks in pass pro. 

Pouncey - horrendous snap, on 3d & 4, 1st play 2Q, forced Ben to rush pass under pressure.   Shit blocking on 3d & 5, mid 2Q, allowed an inside rusher a free pass to blister Ben.   Finished the game at guard due to Colon’s injury.  Got savagely man handled and steamrolled on the Ben INT, which forced Ben from the pocket on this play.   A shit play by a shit player.   Playing like a man with both fat wallet disease and tin man disease. 

Beacham - nearly beat for a safety, 2Q.  Had several plays in which his shit blocking forced Ben from the pocket.    Actually regressed from last week.  

Overall, the line failed to convert a 3d & 1 and 4th & inches, late 2Q, and got eaten alive and pillaged by the SD front 7.   Ron Crook of the PG had a gasbag article 2 days ago, titled “When Kugler says jump, his players ask ‘How high’?”.    Ok, when The Mighty Kugler says “Block”, how come no one does it ?    How soon can we get Sean Kugler onto a flight to El Paso ?   I’ll gladly chip in for his airfare or bus ticket.  F   


Keisel - did little to nothing all game long.   Finished with 1 solo and 1 A.

Hood - took 6 yards to bring down RB, 1st play.  9 yd gain.    Batted a pass 2 plays later that was 5 feet off the ground.  To his credit, he actually was much, much more active than he’s been, EVER, as he was sniffing out screen plays and actually had 5 solos, which has to be a career high.   He was also credit with a Dong Sack when the QB ran OOB literally 1-inch behind the LOS, and according to the dumb-assed NFL rules, this qualifies as a “sack”.  

Hampton - helped blow up 3d & 1, early 2Q.   Other than that, he was completely invisible, as the D-line got gashed for chunks of yardage when the game really mattered in the 1st 3 quarters.         

Heyward - 1 solo and very minimal impact.

McLendon - saw some very limited PT.       

Facing an O-line missing three starters, this was a shit effort.   D+   


Foote -  did little of value all game long.  Was sent in to blitz at least -- and I mean, at least -- 15 times, and never once did much of anything.  

Timmons - got beaten on 3d & long by Gates, who was overthrown on a deepish post.  Good run stop, 1st play 3Q.   Finished with 11 solos, which is what I expect of a starting ILB with his athleticism and hitting ability.  

Woodley - Once again, Big LaMarr, the man with the fat wallet, did not dress, due to a lame injury.  

Worilds - blew up run, -1, 1Q.   Totally sealed inside by Gates, allowed 8-yard run and a 1D in the 3Q.  After stellar efforts the past 2 weeks, Worilds laid an egg with slopp-shit play, and finished with a whopping 1 solo. 

Harrison - Right after Pola had been flagged for offsides on 3d & 10 in the 1Q, this stupid-ass went offsides on the very next play to give SD a freebie 1st down.  Good run stuff, 2nd series.   Pressured Rivers, late 2Q.  Only 3 solos and not nearly enough pass pressure. 

Again, facing an Oline of stiffs, this crew did far, far too little.    Timmons:  B    Harrison:  B-    All others:   D+  


Pola -  blew up ground play, 6:40 1Q.   3d & 10, 1Q, flagged for offsides.   Got torched by Gates on flag, early 2Q, but pass overthrown.   Had 4 solos but very meager impact. 

Ike - did not dress, due to the broken tibia. 

Lewis - good wrap on 0-step hitch, early 2Q.   Got tooled here and there, including the 3-yard TD pass.  

Mundy - did not play.

Cortez Allen - abused by slot WR, 3d & 8 1Q, allowed easy 1D.

Clark -  never came close to, you know, BREAKING up a pass, which is a FS’s number one responsibility.   Finished with 1 solo, which in and of itself sucks ass. 

Curtis Brown - Tooled on a stop n go on 3d & 1 for a 39-yard TD, along with a declined illegal contact flag.   Complete pile of shit.  Also got toyed with on many other occasions, particularly on 3rd down.  Ended up being benched in favor of a man who was signed the day prior. 

Josh Victorian - got abused on a fade for a TD, 4Q.   Showed leaping ability to perhaps jump over 3 nickels stacked atop each other.  

In all, a wretched performance by a crew that was entirely unable to cover ANYBODY on 3rd down and long.    F

Spec teams: 

Butler - shitty 1st punt, 37 yards.  Shit punt, 38 yards to the SD 18, early 2Q.   From his own 14 in the 2Q, Assler booted a punt all of 32 yards, giving SD golden FP at the PIT 46.   Of course, in late-game garbage time, he got a huge roll for a 79-yard punt, which bloated his average to a respectable 42 yards, when it was really a dogshit afternoon.    This guy has regressed miserably as the season has worn on. 

Shit punt coverage, 2Q, allowed 21 yard return.  

Rainey took about 9 seconds to lazily mosey some 19 yards to his right to pick up the lined KO, and he then was engulfed at his own 10.   I mean, as a KO returner, you’re WATCHING the ball as the kicker makes contact with his foot, and you’re FOLLOWING the flight of a fairly slowly-moving pigskin as it travels 60 or 70-some yards.   How fuking difficult is it to stand in the center of the field, and see that the line drive KO is heading to your RIGHT, and then shuffling laterally over to it well before the ball arrives ?? 

Suisham nailed a 49-yard FG as the 1st half expired, giving the Stillers its first 3 points of the game.   He’s about the only player on the team, besides Starks & Timmons, that earned his paycheck today. 

Cam Gayward was flagged or a hold on a KO return in the 3Q, which set up the fateful “fumbled lateral” on the very next play.

The entire punt-defend team was unprepared for the fake punt on 4th & 2 late in the 3Q, and Sylvester pussed out and was easily sealed off.  The Chargers gained 4 yards, enabling them to keep the ball and chew another 5 minutes off the clock. 

Backup LB Brandon Johnson was flagged for a hold on the LONE good punt return all day, costing the Stillers 27 yards in FP.   On a real team, this sorry fuck would be moved to the practice squad, first thing Monday morning. 

Horseshit onsides KO by Suisham at 6:00 4Q, on a shit-fucked KO that went to the SD 34.   WTF, exactly, was the purpose of this KO ?    Ditto, too, for the late-game boot that landed around the SD 10.   What good is that kind of KO when you desperately need THE BALL ???

With the weekly goat-fuck on special teams, how soon before Amos Jones gets fired ?     D- 


Haley was apparently so pleased with his shit-eating gameplan from the KC game, that he dredged it out of the local dump and used it for today’s game.    The gameplan was entirely devoid of any actual intelligence, and adjustments were as rare as a day of peace in the Middle East.  

On an early 3d & 1, Haley took forever to get the playcall in, and the snap didn’t occur until a millisecond before the playclock expired.   Redman met a wave of 3 defenders in the BF, and was stuffed well short of the sticks.  This kind of jackfucked stupidity enrages me.   It simply doesn’t need, nor should it, to take this fuking long to get in a simple playcall to the huddle.      

The offense wasted TO after inc bomb to Wally, mid 2Q.    They then wasted another TO after the deep drop by Brown, 4:45 2Q, as the playclock expired.   The next play, on 3d & 8, Ben was sacked on a jailhouse blitz as there were ZERO valves to dump off to.   What in the fuk is with Haley and this bullshit of pissing time away every time a deep ball is incomplete?   Get the next fuking play called, and quickly.   At this level of football, this ain’t that fuking difficult.  

Refused to run the QB sneak on 4th and 7-inches, late in the 2Q.   Instead, Galey opted for a whaleshit running play that moved like whaleshit as it took about 3 seconds to develop, and was easily engulfed.   Really, why in the fuck, with a big, tough, experienced QB like BenRoth, would you call anything but a QB sneak in that situation ???  

It should come as no surprise that the big play of the game came when Diego sniffed, read, and blew up a bubble screen that was turned into a fumble recovery in the EZ and 7 points for SD.   When you run the exact same play 6 times a game, it gets seen on film and then jumped on like a hound dog on a piece of steak.     F


Dick came into game with the outrageous luxury of facing a bumbling, struggling offense that had gone its past 19 possessions -- 115 minutes of game time -- without having scored a single, simple TD.   To make matters even easier for Dick, the Chargers were missing THREE starters on the O-line, and 2 of those who started in today’s game were literally signed off the street just a few days ago.

Early 3d & 5, Gates was totally uncovered and grabbed an easy 6 yard curl pass.   3d & 8, 3 plays later, the slot receiver was WIDE open for an easy 11 yards.  

Dick, now known as The Dick Swallower, allowed clock-chewing, 12-play 36-yard FG drive in 1Q to give SD a 3-0 lead.  

In the 1Q. Dick’s vaunted defense has to be the first in modern NFL history to take a 3d & 10 and turn it into a 3d & 5, and then a 1st down, thanks to 2 boneheaded offsides penalties. 

In the 2Q, Dick could have seized control.   Nope, not The Swallower.  3d & 4, easy completion to Spurlock, 6 yards.   3d & 10, easy completion for 10, 13:05 2Q.    Dick allowed the Chargers to flip the field on this possession, from the SD 18 to the PIT 8.   This is called flipping the field and losing the battle of field position, which is enormously imporatnat when your offense is starting a rusty QB; your O-line can’t block a 6th grader; and your OC is a complete dumbfuk.  

3d & 9, at 9:10 2Q, and Alexander is WIDE OPEN on a simple 15-yard crosser that would have gained at least 20, but he DROPPED a perfectly thrown pass.

On the next drive, Alexander dropped a 3d & 10 pass with a wee bit of help from Lewis, who was pawing at the receiver.

140 minutes of game time that SD hadn’t scored a TD, and Dick allows a 39-yard TD bomb late in the 2Q.  Dick’s specialty is DB, yet Curt Brown showed technique befitting a 7th grader playing his first week of organized football.   How is Dick not responsible for the steaming pile of shit emitted from Brown’s buttocks?  

3d & 10, late 2Q, ALL day, easy 12 yard completion to Supurlock.   3 plays later, on 3d & 10, Floyd was WIDE open on a 12-yard out, but Rivers was 15 feet off the mark, which forced SD to boot a FG.  

To start the 3Q, Dick had a chance to stop SD and get the ball back for the offense, with the Stillers down 13-3.   Instead, Dick allows the lowly Charger offense, missing THREE starters on the Oline, to march from their 22-yard line to the Steeler end zone.   Diego had a cake-easy time on this march, converting 3d & 1, 3d & 3, 3d & 5, and even 3d & 13 in which Brown gained 17 on a simple draw play, and then a 3d & 1 at the 3-yard line that produced a cake-easy 3-yard TD pass.    17 plays, 78 yards, in 9 minutes & 32 seconds of game time, for a TD that basically ended the game.   Sherman’s march to Atlanta wasn’t nearly as long or time-consuming. 

With all the depth at DB, who does Dick have in SOLO coverage on Alexander in the 4Q?    Josh Victorian, who was just signed off the taxi squad yesterday

Once again, zero INTs, zero FFs, and zero fear and pressure placed on the opposing offense.  

The worst aspect of this shitpile defensive performance, or lack thereof, was the REFUSAL TO ADJUST to what SD was doing on 3rd downs, which was to run simple, SHORT TIMING routes with mostly dreg WRs.   Dick never adjusted, AT ALL, to this.  Instead, he staunchly KEPT his DBs 9 yards off the ball and allowed SD to execute the timing routes as easy as taking candy from a baby.   When an offense is doing this, you bring your CBs up, at the LOS, and jam the piss out of the receivers, thereby throwing off the timing.   It’s very simple, unless you’re DC is a complete fuking simpleton.   SD was 12 of 22 on 3rd down conversions, which is all you need to know.   And, of course, ZERO turnovers, and only 1 Slop Sack, that when Rivers ran OOB on his own for a 1-INCH loss. 

A sorry, wretched gameplan and lack of adjustments against a shitbag offense, by The Dick Swallower.   F-    


The entire team was a sloppy as a soup sandwich right from the get-go, and the slop never stopped.   Stupid-fuk penalties.  Lack of focus.   More dropped balls.   Putrid blocking.  An OC incapable of calling a simple plunge without taking 20-some seconds to do so.    Spec team fiascos galore, including the fake punt, 4th & 2 late 3Q.  With a coach inches away from getting fired, what in the fuck was Momlin expecting ??   With the weekly goat-fuck on special teams, how soon before Momlin fires Amos Jones?   After all, for reasons never made clear, Momlin axed his spec teams coach, Everest, in the last week of preseason.  

Wally’s TD with just over 6 minutes left made it 34-16, and like a complete stupid-fuck, Momlin refused to go for a 2-pointer to make it a 16-point game, which is potentially a TWO possession game rather than the THREE possession game that Momlin painted himself into with the PAT.   At that point, what good is the PAT ?   What exactly do you have to lose ??   Here is The DumFuk’s explanation --  “Until we stopped them, it was going to be insignificant,” Tomlin said. “I was holding the two-point plays for that reason and that reason only. Now, we still have them in our hip pocket. Those specialty plays, we didn’t want to put on tape unless we had an opportunity to close the gap. As you can see, we didn’t.”

Say again ???     The Thesaurus is claiming he wasn’t trying to, you know, WIN the game, all because he wanted to keep his 2-point plays “in our hip pocket”.   Are you fuking kidding me ??    The 2-pointer takes place at the TWO fuking yard line !!   There are no less than 200 plays that an NFL team can run from that point on the football field...!!    Washington brought in a stone-cold ROOKIE QB yesterday, with seconds left, and ran a simple QB draw on their 2-pointer to send the game into OT.    Yer fuking kidding me that someone would actually buy this fuking hogwash from The DumFuk, Mike Momlin.   

Then, down by 17, Momlin punted at 3:47 4Q, which signaled the white flag of surrender.   The Stillers got the ball back at 2:33, and there’s Mister Dumfuk, Mike Momlin, sending in a battered Ben Roth to take further beatings...!!   Like, WHY  ????   At this point, Ben had taken quite enough beatings.   Batch is only 1 play away from being hastily inserted as a starter, and it would have been prudent to get him some work rather than subjecting Ben to more punishment behind a barf-bag O-line that would have had trouble blocking a group of toddlers from a local pre-skool. 

The continual insistence on playing down to shitbag opponents has reached the 2009 zenith.   Counting games against Oak, Tenn, KC, Cleve, and now SD, this is 5 games in which this team has played like complete vomit against the shitbag dregs of the NFL.     F 

Synopsis:  Another slop ‘n slather, this against a shitbag 4-8 team that had lost 4 straight and whose coaching staff is just days away from being FIRED.   After last week’s squeaker in a game the Stillers should have dominated against a vastly over-rated PoeBird team, there were all sorts of caterwauling on the message board.   “You’re too hard on this team, Mill.”       “You expect perfection.”     “The grades are too low.”   Blah blah bah, blah blah.    The very reason we founded this site was to analyze the performance and effort, not go ga-ga with joy and glad tidings merely because the team may have eked by some shitbag opponent.   Last week’s game was chock full of slop, shit play, and barf-laden efforts, which were clearly pointed out in my analysis and grades.  We here at don’t gloss over the slop merely because the team wins.   Oddly enough, the overt slop came home to roost today, in a barf-inducing comedy of boners and errors.   We expose slop more consistently and with a sharper eye than anyone out there, anywhere.   Next week, it’s Tony Homo and the lowly Cowpokes, but how could any sane human not like the Cowpokes’ chances against this slovenly, overly complacent Stillers team ??   


(Still Mill and -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1


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