Loose Slag from The Still Mill (Mar 20, 2003)
- 3 beers for Colbert's
signing of TE Jay Riemersma.� Alas,
after 8 (eight!) years of utter futility from the TE spot, the Stillers have
finally acquired someone who isn't so clumsy that he stumbles when he's asked
to walk and chew gum at the same time.�
Riemersma isn't a Kellen Winslow, but he's a far load better an
offensive threat than Mark "Feet and Hands of Stone" Bruener.� And despite all the blather about how great
a blocker Bruener is, the fact has always remained that being the best blocking
TE in the league is no more important than the best pick-setting shooting guard
in the NBA, or the best warm-up catcher in MLB.� If blocking by a TE was so paramount to a team's success, they'd
simply insert their best backup O-linemen into the game as the TE, much the way
the American League teams insert their best backup batter into the lineup as
the DH (designated hitter).� Riemersma
will give the Stillers something they haven't had since Eric Green departed --
a reasonably able threat at TE who is capable of catching passes and turning
them into 15-20 yard gains once in a while.�
- In this time of war, the
newscasts and newspaper columns often talk of the propaganda that pervades the
Saddam regime.� Of course, because of
state control over nearly every aspect of their lives, citizens in Iraq have
little choice but to accept the propaganda.�
Football fans in a free society like America, on the other hand, should
not be victimized by foolhardy propaganda.�
Yet that's precisely what has occurred the past 5-plus years, when it
was readily obvious to anyone with at least one functional eyeball that Mark
Bruener was nothing more than a mediocre package at TE and a gross mistake with
a 1st round draft pick.� "He's so
important to the offense."�
"He's the best blocking TE in football."�� "The offense couldn't possibly
function without Mark Bruener."�
And on and on and on.� Both
Stalin and Kruschev, among others, would have been duly impressed by the
outrageous propaganda job pulled off by the Pittsburgh Stillers in regard to
Mark Bruener.� It's an outright embarrassment
that Steeler fans have allowed themselves to be bamboozled by the Bruener
propaganda for as long as they have.�
- With Riemersma signed, the
lavishment of Jerame Tuman now looks even more foolish than it did in the first
place.� As I'd noted in a previous Slag
article, "Giving a TE who has caught all of 11 passes in 4 seasons in this
day of capanomics $1.1M per year in a 3-year deal, is about as close to
lavishing as the foolhardy contract that was given to Jon Witman a few years
back.� It's absolutely asinine."� No one in the NFL had even the slightest interest
in Tuman, yet we rushed like frantic madmen and lavished him with a fatty
contract.� The same thing happened last
offseason, when we frenetically rushed to sign Little John Boy Fiala to a fatty
deal, and then later signed a real linebacker in James Farrior.� The Stillers handled TE Matt Cushing
perfectly, giving him essentially the NFL minimum.� There's not a reason in the world why Tuman could have been
allowed to slouch around as a neglected UFA for a few weeks, and then,
fearful of going hungry, accepting a modest $720K per year contract instead of
the $1M+ per annum deal he was lavished with.�
Riemersma's deal was good value, given his pedigree and ability; clearly
Tuman's was not.�
- My biggest fear?� Mark Bruener might actually be kept on the roster,
via some clever but stupid sal-cap finagling.�
There are some cap benefits to keeping the clod around another season to
lessen the '04 burden.� However, this
team has no more need for the overpaid oaf named Bruener, than the US military
has need of French assistance to whip ass on Iraq.� Yet, because of the love affair with Bruener -- which is
surpassed only by that for Jason Gildon -- it's entirely possible the Stillers
will do everything they can to keep Mr. Stonefoot around for another season of utter
wastefulness.� It might be possible to
poke around the league in hopes of trading the bootfooted oaf, but few teams
are enamored with a slowpoke, one-dimensional TE who is injury prone; is a
total zero in the passing game; and blocks less capably than a backup tackle
and runs slower than one, too.�
- Just to make a point,
compare Riemersma's deal to the outrageous, fatty deal that was lavished in
Bruener a coupla years ago.� Note how
Riem -- despite being a far better weapon -- wasn't lavished anywhere near the
way Bruener was.� That, in and of
itself, is the key to capanomoics in the modern NFL.� A team cannot pay a dime more than the bare minimum for vanilla,
thoroughly replaceable stiffs like Bruener, Witman, GilDong, Josh Miller, et
al, because inevitably, they'll be paying through the nose to retain or procure
such rare talent as Joey Porter, Ken Bell, Plex Burress, et al.�
- Overshadowed by the Riem
signing was the signing of OT Todd Fordham.�
The former Jag gives the Stillers some veteran experience, and he might
be the primary fill at RT if Smitty moves to LT.� Fordham isn't to be confused with, say, Anthony Munoz, but then
again, he did shut down that vaunted sackmonger, Jason GilDong, in the
Stiller-Jag tussle this past season.�
GilDong -- supposedly a demonic pass rusher who possesses "the big
bull rush" -- was held to 0 tackles and 2 assists by Fordham.� If you are among the blind followers who
think Jason GilDong is God's gift to linebacking, then Todd Fordham is a pretty
good tackle.�
- Speaking of GilDong, Big Jason
was arrested Saturday night after he and two companions allegedly
"verbally abused" employees at a Strip District nightclub when they
were refused entrance.� At least The
Paper Tiger is consistent, as it appears that he can�t get into a night club any
better than enemy backfields.� As for �verbally
abusing� the employees, perhaps this season, Jason might want to try physically
abusing opposing blockers, instead of being physically abused himself.�
- Speaking some more of GilDong,
if The Kong of Dong does 60 hours of community service during the next 90 days,
the slate will be wiped clean of the disorderly conduct and defiant trespass
charges.� Here�s an idea -- how �bout
Jason does 60 hours of useful service to his team on Sundays during the first
90 days of the �03 season, instead of the gross disservice he�s provided the
past 7 seasons�.?�
- As we prepare for the
draft and we pause to bid Mark Bruener bonne riddance, we should look
back to the 1995 draft and re-learn the danger of reaching desperately
to fill a need.�� Mark Bruener was the
27th player selected in that draft, and the Stillers frothed over him primarily
because Eric Green departed town in a huff and puff.� The player taken directly after the bootfooted Bruener was a
linebacker by the name of Derrick Brooks�.
- The Stillers have added a
TE and re-signed two other TEs.�
Amazing, how there can be such a flurry of activity and concern over a
position that is ignored -- by the Stillers, at least -- even more than the bag
of wind emanating from the United Nations�.
- Speaking of the offseason
signing, the Stillers have addressed TE, OT, and QB on an offense that was
pretty darn solid.� Meanwhile, they've
done nothing -- other than being spurned by Dex Jackson -- on the defense,
which was the glaring Achilles heel last season.��
- It's apparent that no
"big name" UFA safety will be signed, and the chances of snaring a
top-flight one in the draft are quite thin, unless the Stillers move up with a
trade.� That said, I am reiterating that
the best bargain right now for this defense would be to sign ex-Cardinal safety
Kwammie Lassiter, who would be an immense upgrade over Lee Is A Flower and
Burnt Alexander.�
- War is never easy.� However, when the enemy's defense is as
over-rated, flaccid, passive, weak, and feeble as, say, Jason Gildon, it
becomes a considerably easier task�.
- Too bad RB Stephen Davis
inked a deal with Carolina.� Davis
hasn't been anywhere near as injury prone as Doughboy Bettis, and unlike
Bettis, Davis believes in off-season conditioning and weight control.� He'd have been a fine addition to the
Stillers�.
- Meanwhile, I'm sure Jerome
Bettis is in the midst of yet another rigorous offseason workout regimen�.at
the local bowling alley.� He and Kersee
must be having a grand time throwing the rock down the hardwood�.
- Which, despite the
incredible amount of adulation, publicity, and money thrown at it, serves the
least purpose?
��� a.� The UN
��� b.� NATO
��� c.� France
��� d.� Jason Gildon
- Once again, muchos kudos
to my esteemed colleagues here, Phantom and Haven, for their splendid work on
the upcoming draft.� Please take the
time to read, digest, and assimilate their draft articles.� You won't find anything close to the depth,
breadth, and analysis of the draft, as what these two preeminent writers are
providing.����
(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- the only nationally read coverage on the Pittsburgh Stillers that has accurately predicted the how's and the why's of the past 3 Stiller playoff losses�.)