Stillers-Browns Postgame Analysis and Grades

Clev 13, Stillers 6 ����. Dec. 10, 2009 ����Game # 13

 

Stillers-Browns Postgame Analysis and Grades

 

The Stillers ventured to Clev to embark on their �December unleashing of hell� that came up empty �last week.�� Instead, they went out and slopped and wallowed in pigshit the entire evening as a gutless, spineless purveyor of chickenshit football that collectively played like assgrinding pillowbiters. �The Browns held on to win, 13-6, in what is one of the absolute most disgraceful, embarrassing losses in Steelers history .�

 

Due to the late-nite ending of this game, this analysis will be a bit shorter than usual.� Plus, I�ll put about as much effort into this report as the Stillers did on the field tonite, so this will be a rather short, succinct report.��

 

Grades:

 

QB:� Ben Shitlesberger accomplished a difficult feat tonite -- he managed to look worse than Gayboy Quinn.� Shitlesberger played like absolute vomit the entire evening.�� The worst problem was his skittish, cowardly tentativeness, in which he incessantly kept holding and clutching onto the ball like a toddler with a pacifier.� Two throws personified his evening -- a 3d & 6 pass late in the 3Q, and the final 4th & 6 pass, both of which weren�t worth a rat�s ass.��� Utterly pitiful.���� D-�

 

RB:� Mendenhall had some early success.�� Arians then chucked the running game aside amidst swirling winds and bitter cold weather.�� Parker had 3 carries for 12 yards.� �Moore, who last year was affectionately known as �The Chain Mover� was never permitted to participate in an offensive play, while the offense went 3 of 14 on 3rd downs.��� �C ���

 

FB: Johnson, from the FB spot, ran a short out and dropped the pass late in the 1Q.�� Of course, with a team that has weapons such as Holmes, Ward, Wallace, Miller, Mendy, Moore, Parker, and Spaeth, we have no reason why he was even thrown a pass.���� C-�

 

WR:� Holmes had 6 for 93, but he dropped a low in during the 3Q.� Ward dropped a short slant late in the 2Q.� Wally had lazy footwork on an out pass and sloppily failed to catch the ball in-bounds.� The WRs struggled all evening in getting open against the lowly Clev secondary.�� C-�

 

TE:� Miller dropped a pass at the Clev 3-yard line with just seconds remaining in the 1H.� He also dropped a low, but catchable, pass on 3d & 8 in the 4Q.� �Spaeth, as usual, did nothing.� D+�

 

OL: Facing a wretched Clev defense that was last in the NFL, the line had its share of problems containing the Clev blitz.� This deep into the season, this was unacceptable.�� D

 

DL:� Facing a weak-assed, moribund Clev O-line, the D-line continually got gashed for huge chunks of yardage.� Fat Casey Hampton did very, very little the entire evening, and in the late 2Q, got buried by a rookie center on a plunge up the gut that gained 9 yards.� I will make an exception for Brett Keisel, who was one of the few players on the team that didn�t squat when he urinated.�� Keisel was a demon.�� He had a strong shuffle down the LOS on a wildcat run by Cribbs in the 1Q, which gained 2 yards.� In the 3Q, he had a good read and stick of Cribbs on a wildcat run, for 1 yard.� He had a good stop of a plunge at 10:41 4Q, although he ran off the field right after that play with an injured arm.�� ��Keisel: A��� Rest of DL:�� D�

 

LB:� An overall sorry, half-assed effort by the LB corps�.probably the worst all-around effort I�ve seen from the LB corps since the days of GilDong and Donte Jones starting as the OLBs.�� Words can barely encapsulate my assessment of the sorry-assed play this group provided tonite.� ���

 

���� Harrison continually, time and time again, got sealed in on wide runs around his end, including Cribbs� 37-yard jaunt and Jennings 15-yard run.� ��Piss fuking poor.��

 

��� Timmons had a nice hole-fill and hit on a 2Q plunge.� He also had good coverage on 3d & 6 in the 3Q.� However, he failed to look back for the ball on a 3d & 10 seamer in the 1Q, which gained 24 yards.� He was again tooled on a 3d & 8 seamer in the 4Q, but the pass was a wee bit long.��

 

��� Woodley had a Dong Sack in which he was untouched until he got a teeny-tiny nudge 15 inches from the QB.��� He could have had an INT while in zone coverage in the 1Q, but instead went for a big hit that he never did connect with.� Early in the 2Q, Cribbs ran left out of wildcat, but then reversed field�..and Woodley was literally DRIVEN INTO THE TURF like a complete asspounder.�� The game�s lone TD came on a run around Big LaMarr�s end, in which he was playing pussy paw-paw with the blocker.� In the 3Q, Big LaMarr got trucked by Jennings on a 7-yard run.� In the 2Q, Woodley easily got sealed off on a ride just wide of RT, and in feeble desperation grabbed the runner�s facemask for a 15-yard flag.�

 

�� Leading the way in ineptitude and overall pudd-pounding was James Farrior, who was a rabid asshump the entire game.� He committed a foolish offsides penalty early in the game.� On the big 37-yard run by Cribbs, it was FARRIOR who failed to get over to the POA (point of attack).�� Then, 15 yards downfield, Farrior feebly whiffed at Cribbs like a complete pile of shit.� A few plays later, Jennings ran wide, with Farrior having the best angle to cut him off near the LOS.�� Instead, Farrior, as slow as a donkey trying to haul a pallet of coal, stumbled after Jennings, arms flailing about like a Dutch windmill, and Jennings easily coasted by for the TD.� Then, on a key 3d & 11 in the 4Q, Farrior had an EASY chance to stop Cribbs 2-yard short of the sticks.� Instead, Farrior, the slowfooted oaf that he is, meekly grabbed way up HIGH at Cribbs� shoulders, and was promptly shrugged off like a hapless toddler, with Cribbs gaining 6 more yards and the 1st down.�� I�d written LAST year how quickly and rapidly Farrior�s skills were regressing, and the idiots out there fought it off and claimed otherwise.� Even this year, with Farrior getting humiliated on a near-weekly basis, there were idiots clamoring to how great Farrior supposedly still is.�� The truth is there in color footage for all to see, and it ain�t pretty.�

 

���� Harrison, Timmons, Woodley:� D���� Farrior:�� F �

 

DB:� Another half-hearted, mindless effort by the secondary against 1 of the very worst passing offenses in the NFL.�

 

��� On a key 3d & 13 in the 2Q, Ike Taylor played a good 14 yards off the receiver.� Then, when the WR caught the slant pass, Ike practically backed away from the WR as though the wan was an AIDS-infected leper.�� Ike never once made an attempt to TACKLE the man, and when the dust settled, Clark stopped the man after a 37-yard gainer.��� Piss fuking poor.�

 

Carter whiffed on Cribbs on the 37-yard run, and also dropped a 1-handed INT in the 3Q.� Townsend had a good wrap of Cribbs on a 3d & 10 slant in the 4Q to force a punt.� Ryan Clark, as usual, did nothing.� �C-��

 

Spec teams:� Just another abomination by the coverage teams.�� On a punt in the 1Q, Cribbs bobbled the ball.�� Fox over-ran the play, and Mundy meekly whiffed on the initial tackle.� Cribbs was off to the races, and only a good effort by Sepulveda saved the TD on a 55-yard return.� �

 

Moore bobbled the opening KO of the 2H and returned it only to the 12.� Logan, who had a career day last week, wasn�t allowed to do any returns until late in the game.�� Holmes, who hasn�t been permitted to return a single punt all season, was finally allowed, in desperation, to return a couple punts in the 4Q.� ���

 

Ty Carter held on a Steeler punt, which negated a rare turnover on a Cribb�s muff.��� D�

 

OC:� Facing THE WORST overall defense in the entire NFL -- a defense that �featured� a waterboy nickelback like Hank Poteat -- all Arians could do was produce a whopping 6 points.�� 6 points.� The weather was biter cold and the winds were swirling at 45 MPH, yet Arians chucked the running game after the 2d series and went pass happy, once again.� Arians, as clueless as he is stupid, had no clue as to how to attack Cleveland on this bitter-cold evening.�� Consider --

 

����������� 1st series of game:�� Mendy gains 5 and then 4.�� On 3d & 1, what does Arians do??�� He goes into a PASS HAPPY set, with a SG-1 back, and Ben is sacked.��

 

����������� 2nd series:�� Mendy gains 5 and then 2 yards.� On 3d & 3, Arians goes into an EMPTY backfield set (remember, the wind chill is MINUS double digits) and with no protection, Ben gets sacked by Hank Poteat, of all people, for a 10-yard loss.� �

 

Then there was the 3d & 4 in the 3Q, in which Hines Ward was kept In to PASS BLOCK.��� The pass to Tonio fell inc and the team punted.�� Mewelde Moore?��� Never used, not even once, and the offense finished 3 of 14 on 3rd downs against THE worst defense in the entire NFL.��

 

Throughout the entire game, Arians had no answer to the UNTOUCHED blitzers that ran free at the QB.��� There never was an adjustment with a RB screen, a draw play, or the use of hot reads.� There was no game plan -- aside from what Arians may have written on a roll of toilet paper as he was taking a pre-game dump -- and the adjustments were utterly abysmal.� A clusterfuck of epic proportions.�� �The only positive from this embarrassing debacle is that Bruce Arians has, once again, been exposed as a clueless, boneheaded buffoon.���� F-�

 

DC:� Facing 1 of the very worst starting QBs in the entire NFL, along with 1 of the leakiest, bumbling O-lines in the NFL, AND the WORST offense in the entire NFL, Dick stood by helplessly as his run defense got shredded and his defense never once came close to creating a turnover.� ��Supposedly the Grand Guru of Defensive Football, Dick was entirely incapable of shutting down GayBoy Quinn and the Band of Boobs that comprise the Cleveland offense.��

 

����������� The Browns ran wild out of the wildcat.�� Duh-uh�.there�s Dick, who KNOWS they run the wildcat, with no answers, no adjustments, no tweaks, no nothing. Instead, Dick stands on the sidelines with 1 thumb in his mouth and the other up his ass.�� �The worst was the 3d & 111 wildcat in the 4Q, when the ENTIRE stadium knew Cribbs was going to simply keep the ball and run with it.�� Dick, with all the tactical skills of a French general, does NOTHING, and Cribbs easily saunters for 14 yards and very critical 1st down.��

�����������

����������� That running TD the Browns� RB scored?� It was the FIRST one all season long.�

 

����������� Turnovers?� Once again, NONE.��� Harassment of the QB?�� None.�� Vicious hitting and gang tackling?� None.�� Crisp tackling at the POA?�� Very little.�� Time for this old fossil to retire, and then Colbert get some vigor and real innovation on the defensive sideline.�� F�

 

HC:� So much for �unleashing hell in December�.��� All�s I�ve seen is a grande� unleashing of bile and vomit.��� So much for all the big personnel moves that Momlin CLAIMED were coming.� When push came to shove, Momlin pussed out like a complete coward and did NOTHING, aside from benching the kick returner who�d had a career day last week.��

 

����������� What exactly was the purpose of the first timeout late in the 4Q??��� The Stillers had just converted a key 3rd down, with Ward snaring the pass and getting to the Clev 43.� There was 2:40 remaining, which is an ETERNITY of time with 3 TOs and only 43 yards to cover.�� Instead of capitalizing on their MOMENTUM and catching the woeful Clev defense gasping and wheezing, Momlin takes his foot off the gas and calls a totally unnecessary timeout! ��What a dumbfuk!� �On the ensuing 1st down, Shitlesberger gets sacked for -9, and the Stillers never do crawl out of the 2nd & 19 hole.����

 

Country club training camp, poor tackling, no fundamentals, mid-season vacation, lies, more lies, no accountability, assaholic tactical decisions, no leadership.� Unacceptable.��� F��

 

Synopsis:� A total embarrassment, losing to a weak-assed 1-11 team while supposedly �fighting for the playoffs�.� They weren�t fighting for jack shit.� The entire team went through the motions, and in the process embarrassed the franchise and the entire fan base of the Stillers.� At 6-7, the season is obviously over.� It�s done.� We here at Stillers.com will embark on evaluating the players and staff in preparation for our draft needs and personnel changes that lie ahead.� We will also shift more of our TV viewing attention to the crosstown Penguins, a team that has real coaching leadership, real player leadership, and plays with genuine gusto and heart.��

 

 

(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close�.)